Excerpt: Ashfall (Working title)

“We have to find Az,” he said, dropping his eyes again.

“Really? I thought we’d just sit here and have a tea party.” The sarcasm in Nico’s voice couldn’t quite hide the fact that he was uneasy.

“Just stop. Stop being an ass. Turn off whatever little switch in your brain makes you act like a five-year-old having a temper tantrum and help me figure out how to find Az.”

“Fuck you and your high horse too.”

Ashes rounded on him, feeling the last of his temper fray. Part of him pointed out that fighting with Nico was a bad idea and would get them nowhere, but he ignored it. He grabbed Nico by the shoulders and shoved him up against the nearest sandstone wall, pinning him there easily despite Nico’s struggles.

“Look,” he said, his voice low, “I’ve had enough. I’m sick of your mouth. I’m sick of you constantly taking your permanent pissy mood out on me. I’m sick of your arrogance, your insults, and your selfishness.” The words hardly sounded like his own now but he couldn’t make himself stop. “I’m sick of you, Nico. I wish I’d never met you.”

For once Nico seemed at a loss for words, his eyes wide. Then the familiar coldness settled into his features and his mouth thinned into a line. “You know what, Ashes? I think we’d both have been a lot better off if we’d never met. You’d be dead and Az would be in Moira’s labs getting cut up into little pieces, but hey, I’m beginning to see why that might be a good thing.”

“I don’t need you now. Just leave, go back to Toronto and your pathetic little attempt at penance.” Ashes shoved him hard into the rock then let him go, turning to walk away. “God knows you can’t fuck it up any more than you already have.”

He took two steps and then Nico tackled him, slamming him down into the dust. Ashes struggled to free himself, using every dirty trick he could think of, but while he was heavier and taller, Nico had him beat in experience. He managed to land a fist in Nico’s stomach but the answering punch rocked his head back and made his vision blur for an instant. When it cleared again he was flat on his back, his arms pinned down by Nico’s knees, and the muzzle of a gun pressed against his forehead.

“Do it,” Ashes said softly, his eyes fixed on Nico’s. “Do it now, before you turn me into the next Jhonen.”

“You’re not Jhonen and never will be.” A muscle jumped in Nico’s jaw but his hand remained steady. The muzzle of the gun felt hot against Ashes’s skin, hotter than the sun above them. “And I hate you for it.”

He pulled the trigger and Ashes squeezed his eyes closed, all the alien anger tightening his chest flooding away. It took him a moment to realize he was still alive; the gun had only given a hollow click. He only dared to open his eyes again when Nico took the gun away and he heard it thump to the ground a few feet away from them. Nico was shaking and breathing hard, though the look in his eyes as he met Ashes’s was still defiant.

“It was empty. I emptied it before you woke up.”

Ashes swallowed against the dryness in his throat. “Why?” His voice came out cracked and hoarse.

“Because I’ve seen Moira pull this trick before. She’s… very good at turning people against each other.” Nico tried to smirk but the corners of his mouth turned down and for an instant he looked very young and lost. “Besides, I know you don’t have the guts to actually say that shit on your own.”

“Because it isn’t true. Is it? I don’t really wish I’d never met you.”

“Maybe not up here.” Nico tapped his forehead. “But you believe it here.” He spread his hand out on the left side of Ashes’s chest, over his heart. “Just like deep in my heart, I wanted to kill you.”

Chapter Nine

The surprised hurt on Ashes’s face should have made him laugh, if only because it served him right, but instead it only made Nico feel more miserable. He looked away so he wouldn’t have to meet Ashes’s eyes and started to pick himself up, trying not to look at the bruises he’d left on Ashes’s arms. Ashes tried to get up at almost the same time and their legs tangled, sending them both back down to the ground in a heap and a cloud of dust. To Nico’s surprise Ashes started laughing, a genuine helpless laughter that left him red-faced and out of breath.

Nico stared at him, aware that his mouth was hanging open but unable to close it. He wondered briefly if Ashes had finally snapped and gone insane, but the grin Ashes gave him wasn’t that of a madman. Nico shut his mouth and started to get up, putting it off to stress release, but Ashes caught hold of him and pulled him back, leaning their foreheads together. His hand slid around to the back of Nico’s neck and Nico shivered despite the heat of the air around them.

“I don’t believe it,” Ashes said softly. “I don’t believe you really want to kill me.”

“Bullshit.”

“I don’t. Because if you did, I’d be dead. Maybe you actually do hate me, but you took the bullets out of the gun, didn’t you? You didn’t shoot me in the head.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not Jhonen, okay? I think we’ve both established that. I don’t want to be Jhonen. I want to be me. I’m not trying to be his replacement, so don’t… try to make me into something I’m not.”

Nico caught his breath then snorted a laugh. “You’re not even worth hating, asshole. I just don’t like you.”

Ashes smiled and released him, getting to his feet. “I know.”

Nico was on his feet before he knew what he was doing, reaching out to grab Ashes’s arm and turn him back around before he walked away. He tangled his fingers in the front of Ashes’s T-shirt and yanked him down to kiss him hard, too clumsy and desperate to make it any good. He felt Ashes tense and almost pulled away before he made any more a fool of himself, then Ashes slipped an arm around his waist and pulled him in.

He was breathing hard when they broke apart again, his skin prickling with a heat he was sure wasn’t coming from the sun. He had almost seen it, the deep part of Ashes that was hidden behind the wall, in the instant of hesitation between kissing Ashes and feeling him respond. There had been something huge deep inside him, a power that made Nico feel small and insignificant; though it still slumbered the sleep was light and Nico was suddenly afraid that when it woke it would consume Ashes entirely.

“Don’t…” He didn’t know what he was going to say but it all fled his mind when he felt the magic rising to the east.