You Can't Hide
an excerpt

The day was cold. The wind blew making the limbs sway and bend. Just like life. Life is full of bends and swaying moods. Especially in this house. It can’t be called a home. It just doesn’t fit the requirements.
You see, my husband and I have been married for eight years. Hold those congratulations. None are warranted. I didn’t fully grasp that until this moment. This very moment sitting right here watching these simple effects from the wind. In this moment, I find a great deal of clarity where I’m sure I should be feeling a great deal of fear and uncertainty. Though, I believe you need to step back into the past two years to understand that.

You see, this all began when I first saw the woman that was to become my new friend, Christen. Christen was just standing there and there was something about her. The way she stood; the way she carried herself. I found myself a bit intimidated by her at first. She was a very attractive woman, still is. Her hair was just hanging there. It was long and straight and left to just hang there. My husband would never tolerate that. My hair had to be done every morning before he got up. But there was this woman, dressed in jeans and a baggie t-shirt that had “Your acceptance is not required” written across it.
I couldn’t believe she felt so comfortable in herself to stand there in clothes I couldn’t even wear around the house. She walked in my direction watching me. I could feel her eyes on me and I just wanted to shrink down to the size of an ant and hide in a crack in the sidewalk.
“Are you alright?” she said. Her voice was a kind, gentle sound. Far from what I expected to hear from her.
“Fine,” I muttered without raising my head. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at her. It just didn’t seem possible for someone like me to be equal enough to meet those eyes.
“Are you sure?” she pressed quietly. I couldn’t believe this stranger was taking any interest in me. I wasn’t worthy of her time or concern. Or that’s what I was thinking then.
I nodded, unable to force myself to speak. She reached out and touched my arm kindly. I started to pull back. I couldn’t imagine why I jerked back so quickly until her hand was so soft against my arm, barely making contact.
She saw something in that moment. Something I hadn’t yet allowed myself to see. Something I hid even from myself, and she could see right through me and into what I refused to make visible.

It was about a month before I saw her again. She was still this stranger that brought out some mass confusion in me. I felt a great deal of craving around her. I craved something she had, something about her that I needed to have in my life. It wasn’t more than an indescribable feeling at this point. But oh was it a strong feeling, one that consumed your every nerve.
She was on that same spot. It had to be the exact same spot. She was watching in my direction as if to be waiting for me. I was thrown by that. I felt nervous fear filling me. That was something I knew well. I could put that into colors and words that most can’t. I’d been through 7 years of that already.
Christen walked over, and I started backing up and into an on coming gentleman.
“Are you okay, miss?” he said as he caught me.
“Y-y-yes,” I stammered out recoiling from his touch.
“She’s a bit jumpy today,” Christen said as she reached out to catch my arm. I hadn’t even realized I was about to fall off the curb and into a cab pulling up. “I’m afraid she’s just not herself today.”
I didn’t know what to think of it, but the man nodded and went on his way. He stopped staring at me. That was a great blessing in itself.
“Thank you,” I muttered as I looked around me realizing just how close I’d come to being seriously hurt. The driver of the cab was staring as was the woman getting into it. I felt like everyone was watching me. I started to gasp for air. I couldn’t breathe.
Christen spent the next half hour calming me down enough that breathing was easy again, but my heart was still racing from all the people around. I’d almost believe I was sociaphobic. But my issues were much deeper than that despite my hiding it from me.
We sat in a quiet coffee shop that didn’t fit in in this city. It’s nice to find someplace like this. She talked to me like she was a friend, like someone that had been around forever. I was becoming more comfortable until this new person entered into the situation.
Up walked a well dressed woman who didn’t look anything like Christen. She had her hair done in a French braid. She was in a well pressed navy suit that fit her perfectly. She had a bright smile that never seemed to leave her lips. Her hand landed on Christen’s shoulder and warm greetings were exchanged before Christen introduced us.
The new stranger’s name was Stephanie, Steph for short they said. She was very open and easy to be around. I couldn’t begin to guess how to act with these two. Stephanie was a professional. She was a secretary for the lawyer down the street, Allan Mathis. He was a big prosecutor that rarely lost a case. His name was plastered on billboards all over the city. Christen was a business owner herself it turned out. It was just a small online business, but it made her enough to support herself.
These two women had done more with their lives than I could ever do with mine. I couldn’t do anything. If my husband found out I had spent so much time out of the house today, I was going to be in big trouble.
“Oh no! I have to get going,” I gasped as I glanced at my watch and realized I had 20 minutes to beat my husband home and get supper ready. This just couldn’t be. There was no way I could catch the bus and get back in time.
Christen offered me a ride, and I didn’t really have a choice if I wanted to make it home. So I agreed. I took that ride and felt that horrendous fear fill me as we pulled up and there sat my husband’s car in the drive way. Christen bid me farewell as I got out of the truck.
“Want me to tell him it’s my fault?” Christen said seeing my shaking.
“No!” I answered far more quickly than I’d intended. Christen nodded and I hurried inside. That’s when the normal day began again.
“Who was that?” Matt barked.
“She helped me today. I tripped and almost fell in front of a car.” I answer quietly, my head turned down to the floor.
“Can’t even walk!” he yelled as he stormed across the kitchen from the stove. “Can’t have dinner ready, can’t get home on time, can’t do anything right!” he screamed as he stomped down the hall and slammed the door shut.
I just hurried about the kitchen trying to get supper ready. I didn’t know what was going on outside at the time.

It wasn’t long before I had supper ready. It wasn’t too bad. I’d gotten things ready that morning to begin with. That way if I ended up working on something else until a bit later, I still had a chance to get dinner ready and try to avoid his anger.
I knocked on the bedroom door softly and waited for his growl and barked answer. “Dinner is ready honey, I’m sorry it’s late,” I said in a hushed tone, my eyes never leaving the floor.
“You should be!”
The sound of flesh slapping flesh hard cracked out into the air. My head snapped to the side with the force of the blow. The rusty taste of blood filled my mouth. My tongue slipped out to collect the drops of blood from my busted lip only to realize my tongue had been between my teeth at the side and had been bitten into deeply.