Glowing Halo
bandanna's picture

About the author
bandanna
Novel: The 5-Book Deal
Genre: Satire, Humor & Parody
50,025 words so far   Winner!

About bandanna

Location: Boston

Home Region:
United States :: Massachusetts :: Boston

Age:24

Favorite novels: Some of these aren't novels. Remembrance of Things Past. One Hundred Years of Solitude. The Universe and the Teacup. The Radioactive Boy Scout. Cloud Atlas. House of Leaves. The Elegant Universe. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. The Origin of Species. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. The Cake Doctor. An Appeal For Sexual Deviancy (copyright 1960). His Dark Materials. The Orange Splot. The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole. The American Eagle Outfitters Manager's Employee Manual (a bit of comedy). Pride and Prejudice. A Brief History of Time. Lizard Music. In Search of Schrodinger's Cat: Quantum Physics And Reality. Middlesex. How to Breathe Underwater. Three Junes. Wonder Boys. Holes. Great Spy Stories from Fiction. 1990 Jeep YJ Owner's Manual. The Pleasure of My Company. The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. The Toddler's Busy Book. Asimov's Chronology of Science and Discovery. Jonathon Livingston Seagull. Fondue Cookery. Emily Post's Pocket Book of Etiquette (size: approx. 5x8 inches). Codependent No More.

Favorite writers: Douglas Adams, John Irving, Philip Pullman, Marcel Proust (yes, really), Jasper Fforde, Philip K. Dick, J.R.R. Tolkein, Oh my god I hate Chuck Palahniuk.

Favorite music: The sound of chewing muffins.

Non-noveling interests: Reading, working out, buying stuff, science.

Joined date: November 4, 2005

Years done NaNoWriMo:
'05 | '06

Years won NaNoWriMo:
'06

NaNoWriMo posts: 70

NaNoWriMo buddies: 4

 


The 5-Book Deal
an excerpt

I have no problem deciding what to wear, since I've got a whole section of my closet dedicated to "impressive business attire". It's a part of my closet I've neglected for a year so everything is clean. I toss on a gorgeous cream silk tie-front secretary top and a smart navy vest with my tried-and-true wool pencil skirt with the soft lavender stripes. It's nice and cold out so I can wear textured tights with my slightly-dangerous Gucci stacked heels (I got them at Filene's Basement and they pinch me and frequently cause me to fall but they're sooo perfect for literally almost every occasion) and I'll just have to hope no one notices my coat.

I smear a little lip gloss on my chapped lips and apply mascara, toss my coat over my arm and I'm ready to head out the door. Hello, new job!

But Artie stands in my way, her coffee cup dripping onto the rug through a hairline crack that bisects Garfield's face.

"You know that your tights have a run and that skirt's got an orange stain on the back and I can see your armpit through that top. Plus that vest is mine, and it itches." She licks the mug along its crack. It continues to dribble.

Damn! I race back into my room and take everything off. Artie follows me and helps me choose an orange armless cowl-neck sweater, ivory wool pants and a tailored blazer. I rush out to look in the bathroom mirror.

"This color makes me look like a sweet potato!" I wail and peel off the sweater.

We try a black sweater which has somehow gotten all pilled from... what? Sitting neatly folded in a cardboard box? Artie tries to get me into a tartan dress but I veto it on principle.

Seriously, for someone who spends the majority of her money (whatever hasn't been allocated to Parliaments, champagne, Wild Turkey and cab fare) on clothes of varying expensiveness, Artie has an uncanny knack for dressing like a confused fifteen-year old Fall Out Boy fan who crushes so hard on a drama club guy and secretly cuts herself. I keep telling her I'm not sure Avril Lavigne is an appropriate style icon for a twenty-five-year-old, and I can't believe Rock and Republic even makes a pair of laminated jeans covered with nonfunctional zippers.

She holds up a luscious-looking chartreuse D&G crew-neck and I nod vigorously. Then she turns it around and - AAAH! Tainted by zippers!!!

"No!" I scream.

bandanna's Writing Buddies

Glowing Halo
QueenOfTheUniverse
Winner!
54,819 / 50,000
Glowing Halo
JayNeely

5,905 / 50,000
Glowing Halo
Kayleigh
Winner!
50,043 / 50,000
Glowing Halo
SocioTom
Winner!
50,343 / 50,000




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