When I Close My Eyes
an excerpt

The juice from that first bite dribbled down her chin. She made no move to wipe it away. Instead, she lifted her chin so that it would continue its slow, delicious trail down her throat, leaving a sweet, sticky, line behind it.

She kept her eyes closed as she chewed, still on that first bite, savoring the flavor, the texture, that tiny hint of sour that made her lips pucker just barely.

Despite still holding the rest of the fruit in her hand, knowing that there was still more to be enjoyed, she was saddened when she swallowed that first bite. She waited to take another until she could no longer taste the sweetness in her mouth. And then, only when the very last subtle taste faded from her tongue did she lift the fruit to her mouth once more. Biting, her teeth punctured the almost bitter skin, cutting through the meat to pull another piece into her mouth. She was almost upset that no juice escaped past her lips this time.

And while the sensations were not as exquisite as that first bite, they still brought her pleasure. But she didn't savor this second bite as she did the first. Instead, she rushed into another bite, and another, and another until what was left of that glorious piece of fruit was decimated, small bits of what she had left, somehow knowing not to eat it.

It was still not enough.

She could feel this deep…humming inside her, intensifying with each ravenous bite. Building stronger and stronger until she was almost trembling from the force of it. She kept reaching for that place inside her, both hoping to push herself over what she knew to be a formidable, pleasurable peak, as well as trying to pull herself back in fear of the shear overwhelming size of that same peak. And fear of what lay on the other side.

She craved what she feared. Knowledge.

She reached her hand out, picking up another piece of fruit. Devouring it quickly, but timidly. Taking small, rapid bites. Her hands shaking so much, she had trouble grasping the fruit as it was becoming slick from its own juices.

And finally, finally, she took one last bite and she fell over, plunging deep into herself, deep inside where the heat had built and grown and burned hotter until she felt that core of heat explode through her. She felt it coursing all through her body, down to her toes, out to each fingertip. It was so overwhelming, she fell back to lie atop the ground, squeezing her eyes closed while she let her body be ravaged from the inside out.

The fruit fell from her hand as she trembling on the ground, her body quaking. She lay like that until the last flickers of heat cooled, until she could catch her breath.

Sighing heavily, knowing that the feeling was gone, she opened her eyes and saw for the first time. Understood for the first time.

She stood slowly, gaining her balance on her still slightly trembling legs before walking away. The corners of her mouth slanted up so slightly.

She had a very distinct destination in mind and some very important words to say.

Knowledge was nothing to be feared.