Blurred Lines
an excerpt

Kuolema could only stand this for so long. It took only about a minute of her staring to send him over the edge: he quickly found his best Sean Connery in The Hunt For Red October voice, coughed to initiate it and then began.

“And welcome ladies and gentlemen to the spacious cubicles of Haunt Correctional Facility right here in Terraustralis, and here we have our latest exhibit: felons! Feel free to gawk and stare at will but do not touch the exhibits as they could be dangerous and/or diseased.

"While in the presence of the felons, there are also several rules you need to adhere to. Rule number one: Do not talk to the exhibits. Rule number two: Do not let the exhibits talk to you. Rule number three: Failure to comply with these rules will lead to your immediate induction into the exhibit. To translate for any of the idiots still hanging off the government’s every word, ‘these felons know stuff that will rot your miiiind!’” As Kuolema continued on his merry way (he had to admit, after a while of having nobody to mock, he’d realised that he’d almost forgotten how fun it was) the woman picked her Personal Digital Assistant from her handbag and began to make verbal notes.

“Just before I continue with the tour of the spacious cubicle, I would like to just point out the random obvious fact that you did not have to pay to get a chance to see this awesome new exhibit. However, we must insist that you pay a minimum of five dollars in order to get out. Now, over with the boring stuff, it’s time for our audience participation act. You there, ma’am, you look like a…”

“Quiet!” It seemed that she’d finally had enough also. This one word swiftly and decisively destroyed her cool, calm and collected exterior: Kuolema shut his mouth almost as quickly: while he had enjoyed his little stunt, he had been pleasantly surprised at how long it had taken before she told him to shut up and did, under no circumstances, wish it to simply crash and burn. Instead, he decided to plaster a huge, goofy smile over his face and see how far that took him.