Muses du Jour (Working Title)
an excerpt

At a seat as far back as she could manage, while still remaining a part of the group, she sat and listened to the discussion taking place. She had a great deal to say, a lot that she thought she could offer, but quickly realized that her views greatly contrasted those of the majority. Few, she began to believe, would wish to hear what she had to say and feared an attack. After all, she had begun to discover how quick people were to jump upon a view that was not their own. It seemed as though they had an inner need to be 'right' all the time, despite the fact that what they did and thought was not always on the 'side of right'.

It was one of the many facts that Renata was finding most difficult to contend with.

"Why?" she asked the heavens that evening. Why had it been necessary for her to come here? It was a question that she asked herself every morning and every night before she went to bed. She didn't belong here. This wasn't her 'home'. She could feel it every moment she spent awake. She knew, down to the very depths of her soul, that she was here to do something, but what that something was, she was hardpressed to guess. If she had ever known, she could not remember now.

Taking a deep breath, she wandered the dimly lit streets of her street. This was the time of the day that she felt most relaxed. Most in tune with all that was around her. The peace. The quiet. This was what she most enjoyed. There was entirely too much hustle and bustle to contend with during the daylight hours and only ever succeeded in putting her on edge.

"Where do I belong?" she whispered to herself, secretly wishing that the sky would open up above her and someone would rain all the answers to all her questions down upon her.

Nowhere, it seemed, was the 'right' place for her these days. She no longer felt as though she fit in with those that had once been such an integral part of her life, nor did she feel as though she fit in with those that she came across in any given day. It was a deep and dark space she had fallen into within. Dark and desolate. If only she would meet the one person that could help to give her life some sort of renewed meaning... One who could understand what it was that she felt; one who could explain .

A part of herself told her that individual was out there somewhere. Someone with whom she could share all that she was. One who would truly understand her and accept her for who she was, not who she used to be or who they wanted her to be. That one person who would make this whole endeavor seem 'worth it' in her mind.

In a sea of faces, she felt as though she were a ship adrift with no way of determining her own course.

She felt as though she was nothing more than a visitor in her own skin, as though it was only on loan for a short period of time. Everything about it felt foreign to her, but most especially the emotions. They could be so overwhelming at times that she was not entirely certain what to do with them. So much so that it left her feeling as though she was horribly out of control.

She supposed it would help were there any that she felt she could talk to. But, even those that she felt she ought to be able to talk to, she didn't feel as though even they could relate to what it was she was experiencing.

There were days when she felt as though she had been dumped off in this world, given a mission, but no manual or even an inkling how she was supposed to accomplish it.

"Susan... are you all right?"

It took several moments for her to realize that the person standing next to her was indeed speaking to her. Forcing a smile to her face simply because she felt that was what she was 'supposed' to do, she nodded. "Yes... I'm fine."

Why be honest? she silently wondered to herself. She doubted she could accurately explain what it was that was truly bothering her, nor did she honestly believe they would understand, even if she could.