Excerpt: Between God and Me

(Author's Note to Potential Readers: The medicines mentioned in the middle of this chapter WILL be changed. It is a result of my half-assing my researching at the last minute. It isn't intended to be accurate. Please don't send me messages saying that i have the HIV medicines wrong)

By the time Tenshi pulled the car into the gates of his apartment, Jamie was looking like he might be sick right then and there. Tenshi put the car in park and met Jamie on his side of the car. He held out his arm, and Jamie clung to him like a dying man, panting for breath as he did so. “Do you think you can make it up the stairs, so are would you rather be sick in the bushes before we make the trek?”

Jamie took a quick glance between the distances, and swallowed. “I think I can make it, but if I dash away from you, don’t keep a hold of me.”

“I might point you in the direction of a bush as opposed to someone else's porch, but I’m certainly not going to aide you in vomiting on me.”

They managed to stagger up the stairs without defacing someone’s lawn, but the moment they stepped into Tenshi’s foyer, Jamie broke away from his grasp and made a dash toward the bathroom. Not really wanting to hear someone throwing up, Tenshi busied himself with other tasks. Jamie was in no position to be going home for the evening, and Tenshi was going to make sure the man stayed right where he was. He pulled some blankets and pillows from the closet, and placed them on the futon, arranging them. He grabbed the box fan from the spare closet, and placed it in front of the futon, turning it on high. With nothing better to do, Tenshi went to the kitchen and pulled out a glass, filling it with what little apple juice he had left. Jamie needed to keep himself hydrated, even if he only did have food poisoning.

He sat on the futon and waited until he heard a toilet flush. Jamie emerged from the bathroom, looking like death warmed over. Tenshi patted the couch, moving off of it to allow Jamie to flop onto the cushions. Immediately, he curled into the fetal position and groaned. Tenshi positioned the fan to blow on him, and Jamie gave him a grateful smile.

“Do you think you can hold juice?”

Jamie eyed the glass Tenshi had picked up with suspicion. “I might. We’ll never know until we try, at least.” He took the glass from Tenshi’s hand, and took a very small sip, shuddering as the cool liquid went down his throat. Noticing Tenshi’s calm demeanor, he frowned. “You’re awfully calm for someone who has a man slowly dying on his couch.”

Tenshi cracked small smile, and watched as Jamie took another sip. “My son was prone to stomach bugs when he was a small child. My partner and I learned quickly what the best remedies were for him. He usually preferred me over his mother in those cases. I will say that you should at least be better behaved than Kouji; he tended to whine and act like the world was coming to an end when he was sick.”

“So do I,” Jamie muttered. “Ask my Mum.”

“It is comforting to know a grown man can act like my son did at age six.” He offered a small smile with the jab, and was surprised when Jamie gained enough energy to raise his hand and extend his middle finger toward the older man.

The two sat in silence for quite a while, letting the crickets outside the widow do the talking for them. When Jamie’s breath evened out, Tenshi stood from his place against the wall and began to quietly make his way back to his bedroom. He grabbed Jamie’s discarded apple juice cup, and was making his way to the kitchen when Jamie spoke again.

“I didn’t know you were gay.”

The Japanese man stood there, unsure how to reply to the statement. He chewed on his bottom lip for half a minute, before shrugging the statement off and continuing to the kitchen. He raise his voice slightly so Jamie could hear him from the living room. “I never felt it was anyone’s business but my own. My sexuality is something personal and private. I never saw the big deal in outing myself in front of everyone and demanding my rights.” Tenshi rinsed out the cup and padded back into the living room. “I am comfortable with myself, and that is all that matters in the end.”

Jamie looked slightly hurt. “No offense, but I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends. You wouldn’t be using my bathroom to make offerings to the toilet gods if you weren’t.”

“And friends usually share things like sexual orientation with one another.”

“I didn’t think it would matter.”

A frustrated noise came from the couch, and Tenshi saw Jamie was sitting up a little, holding his stomach. “It matters to me.”

With a roll of his eyes, Tenshi pinned a glare on Jamie. “Why? Why would that matter so much?”

Jamie looked to be at a loss for words, and he struggled a little. “I don’t know . . . I suppose I feel like you didn’t trust me to know, or thought I would freak out on you if you told me. I’m not going to drop you as a friend, or spread terrible rumors. We’re out of high school.”

“Honestly, Jamie, I didn’t think to tell you. My friendship with you had nothing to do with the fact that I’m sexually attracted to men. It doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with them.” Tenshi sighed and sat in his chair, facing Jamie. “Okay, let’s be honest with each other, if that is what you want. I’m gay.”

“Weren’t you married?”

He hated when people asked questions like this. It was the same question his father had said in shock, when Tenshi had announced his and Amelia’s divorce. “You can’t be gay.” Ryuuji had said, stuttering over his own words. “You’re married with a child.”

“I was . . . I suppose I could technically be counted as bisexual. Amelia was the only woman I even found remotely sexually attractive, but I still think I was more in love with her and her personality than I ever was from her body.” Tenshi wasn’t sure if he could explain it to anyone other than Amelia or Raidon. The two had understood him so throughly, and he had never had to explain his feelings. “But I have never watched a woman walk down the street and thought about her sexually.”

“Only guys.” Jamie raised his eyebrows.

“Only sometimes. I’m insanely picky.” He waited a breath before asking Jamie. “I would suppose your orientation is straight?”

“Slightly.” Jamie gave him a small smile, but lost it and groaned. “Damn it, the stomach ache is back. And is it hot in here to you?”

Tenshi moved the fan closer, and made his way toward the bathroom. He came back with the thermometer, and handed it to Jamie. “I would assume you are old enough to know what to do with this.” Jamie snatched the stick from his hand and stuck it under his tongue, leaning back against the pillows. At the thirty second beep, Jamie moved to take it out, but Tenshi raised his hand. “Keep it in - sometimes it takes a full minute for it to get an accurate reading.” He counted to thirty, and took the thermometer from Jamie’s mouth. “I hate to break this to you, but I don’t think what you have is food
poisoning.”

“I take it I’m running a fever?”

"38.3 Celsius. You're not going anywhere for the remainder of he evening, and you probably will be out of commission for a few days."

"Damn it," Jamie swore, and his face scrunched up. "I can't afford to get sick, Tenshi. You have to go get me something from the store, or whatever will knock this out. I can't get sick."

"It's not a matter not not getting sick, Jamie. You already are sick." Tenshi sighed, and thought for a moment. I have some cold and sinus medication in the bathroom, but that is about as far as you're getting until morning when the doctors open."

"Can't go to the doctor." Jamie said, his voice muffled inside a pillow. "I don't have insurance."

“Then I’ll take your car tomorrow and get you something from the pharmacy. Either way, I would recommend leaving for a few days at the very least. You have no business going to work, or even moving from that couch to do anything but empty your stomach.”

Jamie looked pained. “Tenshi, I can’t do that.”

“Name a reason.”

“I need the money?”

Tenshi rolled his eyes. “Take a sick day. I know we have them and I know for a fact you haven’t used once since I have been working there. Besides, think about it this way. You can stay here and infect my house and give a good challenge to my immune system, which will probably win despite it’s disadvantages. Or, you can go home and infect both your sister, and your little girl, putting you out of work further so you can watch the sick kid.”

Jamie considered this. “She has already had the flu for this year.”

“And there is no reason to infect her again. I’m an old man; my immune system can handle it. She’s tiny.”

Before Jamie could answer Tenshi, a flurry of beeps erupted from Tenshi’s table. He turned and found Jamie’s phone lighting up, and buzzing for all the little device was worth. Jamie swore under his breath. “First, hand my phone to me. Then can I ask another favor?”

Tenshi grabbed the phone and tossed it to the other man. “Go for it.”

“In my coat pocket, in the inside pocket, there is a small case containing pills. Could you fish out one, and hand it to me with a glass of water? Medication time.”

Grabbing Jamie’s coat, he fished around in the inside pocket until he found what he was looking for. Unsure, he turned to Jamie. “Are you sure you want me to and you the pill, or just the box. I don’t want to invade privacy.”

He could see Jamie roll his eyes from across the room. “Tenshi, just hand me the pill. I asked you to, remember?”

The tab on the container popped open, allowing Tenshi to pour a few into his hands. He turned it over in the light, curious to see what medication Jamie had to be taking, and for what reason. Call it curiosity. He was met with a cold stab in the pit of his stomach as he recognized the label.

Oh he knew that label too well.

“Is there a problem.”

Tenshi looked up from the pill in his hand. “You take Abzyme?”

Jamie blinked at him. “I’m on a trial study of it. It’s a bitch but it’s working at least. You actually know what that is?”

Tenshi handed Jamie his pill with the remainder of the apple juice. “My doctor wanted to put me on it a few months ago, but I was worried about the side effects.”

Both men were still as Jamie swallowed the medication, and then gave Tenshi a look of confusing. “He was going to put you on Abzyme? What are you on now?”

“Some new experimental form of AZT. Supposed to work better, and have less side effects. Sounds like the best of both words, but it’s annoying as all hell.”

Jamie muttered “AZT” and gave Tenshi a weird look. “You take AZT?”

“I do. I have a nice case of acquired immune deficiency syndrome.”

There was a snort from the couch. “You too?”

“I’ve been diagnosed for two years now.” Tenshi took his place in his chair, and stared at Jamie. Jamie cringed a little and sighed. “How long have you known?”

“Six months, but God knows how long it’s been there. That’s just when I got tested. Failed a blood test when I went to give blood and all that. The doctor was fast about it, and immedietly got me on this medication. Right now it’s in what he says “remission”? I have no idea. I didn’t know HIV could go into remission.”

“Not exactly into remission, from the way I understand it, but it can slow down considerably. That would be the reason for the medications we take.” Tenshi played with a loose string on the chair.

“You don’t strike me as the type to have something like AIDS. I don’t see you sleeping around or doing illegal drugs.” Jamie admitted. “I mean, what I got was my own damn fault. Too many faceless one night stands and too many chances sharing needs.
Honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t happen before then.”

“I didn’t get it from any of those things. I go it because the man I loved and trusted slept around behind my back.”

Jamie’s mouth fell open a little. “And this man sleeps at night?”

“Not well, and I can be almost sure of that. The last time I saw Raidon he broke down apologizing to me.”

“And you accepted it?”

“As much as I could. I couldn’t exactly tell him that everything would be okay. I mean . . . His carelessness is killing us both. Him sooner than me, but still.”

Shaking his head, Jamie sighed a little, and moved the pillows behind his back so he could see Tenshi as they talked. He coughed into his hand, and shook his head again.

“I think people should be put in jail for things like that.”

“If he had knowingly had the disease and still continued to sleep with me, I honestly would have sued him . . . But I know Raidon. I don’t believe him just because I loved him, but because through all the misguided attempts, he is a good person. He wouldn’t have continued with our relationship sexually if he had known at that point.”

“I wish I knew who I all might have infected. God only knows.”

“We’ll just hope to whatever deity that might exist that you didn’t give it to anyone else.” Wanting to end that particular point of the conversation, Tenshi stood and looked at Jamie. “Are you sleeping out here, or do you want the bed?”

Jamie’s eyebrows went up. “Wow, Tenshi. I stay at your house for two hours and you already try to get me into your bed.” He ducked as Tenshi grabbed one of the cushions from the chair and playfully chucked it at Jamie’s head. Jamie laughed, and tossed it back. “Touchy! I’ll stay on the couch. I can’t sleep in beds when I’m sick. Weird like that.”

“It at least pulls out into a day bed, if you would like that instead. You look a little cramped.” Jamie opened his mouth in protest, but Tenshi was already moving toward the couch. “Off. I’ll get it fixed up.”

“You’re a housewife, you know that?”

He stilled for a second, and gave a sarcastic smile. “Raidon used to tell me I was the woman in our relationship. I cooked the food, I cleaned the house, I did the laundry. It wasn’t that I enjoyed doing it, it just needed to be done.”

Jamie shifted feet. “That was actually a joke, Tenshi.”

“I know. I apologize. I am touchy sometimes.”

“It’s all good.” He crawled back into the bed the moment Tenshi had finshed the set up, and pulled a pillow to him. “I think I’m out for the night.” Tenshi nodded and made his way to the hallway when he heard Jamie’s voice once again from the couch. Turning, he saw Jamie sitting up a little.

“Tenshi?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for letting me crash here for he weekend.” He looked as though he wanted to say something else, but instead, he laid back down and sighed. Tenshi nodded, and gave a small shrug.

“You’re welcome. Sleep well, Jamie.” He certainly hoped Jamie would sleep well, because God knew Tenshi wouldn’t.