If Dawn hadn’t been the type to look out over the river every time she crossed that bridge, he would have fallen right then and she would never have had her chance. But Dawn loved the way the twilight sky looked with the river running towards it. The ravine walls that bridge spanned, opened out to nearly flat lands and still the river headed out towards the that sky. It may have been her imagination but she always thought the sky was a little lighter where they finally met each other, like the brightening face of an old friend. On the worst days it was that light that kept her going. On this day it was that light that made his attempt apparent to her.
At first he was just a black figure, like a vulture, crouched up on the railing at the highest point of the bridge. Then the figure lengthened into a long thin man shape and Dawn suddenly knew what the sky was making her see. For a moment time slowed allowing her eyes to take in the distance between them, the lack of cars on the road, the way his body was angled out from the railing with nothing but air and river before him. The time snapped back to its normal pace, shooting her like a sling shot across the road and to the railing where the man shape had begun to fall.
She never once thought her small hands would fail to grab and hold. Even when a startled voice rang out and the body it had sounded from began to tug away, she still held firm. She tightened her stomach as it pressed painfully against the rail and sought out the face of the man whose death wish she’d denied.
“Let go,” the man shrieked, his voice finally forming distinguishable words, “what do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m saving you, you ass.” Dawn retorted through gritted teeth. She was sure the railing was trying to squeeze every bit of breath from her chest and everything she’d eaten from her stomach. If would he’d just stop squirming for a moment she could have a rest, but she had little hope of calming him if she was only thinking of herself.
“Who asked you to?” the man cried out. His hand was trying to pry one of Dawn’s from his wrist. “You know nothing. Just let me go.”
In a sudden surge of strength, Dawn released his wrist with her right hand, supporting him with the now steel grasp of her left, and smacked the darkened face still silhouetted against the river-met sky. In the moment of stilled shock that followed, Dawn’s adrenaline rich body tightened. She threw her weight back and with her small left arm she yanked the man over the railing. She fell hard to the side walk, tightening her neck just fast enough to keep from bouncing her head off the cement. The man toppled face first onto her, his chin sinking into her rail bruised tummy and his knee making a sickening smack on the pavement between her legs.
He hissed a curse and rolled away from her, but Dawn kept hold of his arm with her left hand. Without thinking she rolled with him, curling her body until she found herself kneeling above him, one thigh on either side of his torso. “Stop this.” She said placing her free hand against his chest.
When the man still writhed and grunted she pressed more firmly and in her most authoritative voice she repeated, “STOP THIS!”
The man looked at her defiantly but the only movement she felt was the rise and fall of his chest beneath her hand. Her pupils, now turned away from the lightest point of the dusky sky began to widen and the lines of his face sharpened. She could tell he was young. Too young to be doing this, she thought, clenching her fist and gathering a handful of his shirt with it. Angry, but unable to unleash it upon the below her, she began to cry.
Her tears were reluctant and slow, but apparently visible to the man. His look of defiance changed to one of confusion mixed with something like amusement. “You couldn’t possibly be crying for me.” His voice betrayed doubt in his statement. Perhaps to hide it he followed, “What did you hurt, besides my knee.”
Dawn pumped her clinched fist, still filled with his shirt. The movement obviously caught him off guard; his raised head fell and thunked against the sidewalk. A weird part of her the urge to laugh at the sound. It wasn’t a thud or a smack, nothing meaty, it was like a super ball, the big ones you can buy with tickets at the arcade. Disgusted at herself for the action and subsequent thought she released his shirt and threw her hand under his head before it landed once again.
As quick as she had moved her hand to stop it, the man raised his chin just slightly and slammed his head into her palm, driving the back of her hand into the course cement. Dawn cursed and tried to pull her hand away, but he had her right hand as firmly pinned as she had his right wrist.
Dawn’s breath was ragged and her tears now followed a bit more freely. She contemplated the new warmth spreading under her pinned hand and then drew in a deep breath forcing herself to focus on the man’s face just below hers. “Are you happy now? I’m crying for both of us,” she said once again gritting her teeth.
“Doubtful,” the man replied, seemingly unconcerned by her pain.
“You suicide attempts are all alike.” Dawn replied without catching her thoughts for the quick edit before they tumbled past her lips. Without a free hand to latch over her disobedient mouth, she bit down on her lower lip.
“Wow, how many of us have you known?” The man jeered. When she didn’t respond he continued, putting on airs, “I suppose we all fight back when you try to take away the only control we seem to have over our miserable lives?”
Dawn thought about it a moment, seriously contemplating his answer, then she replied, “Actually no. You would think you all would, but no not all of you.” Then shaking off tangent she caught him in as serious a glare as she could muster, “You all seem to believe that no out there cares.”
The man’s laugh suggested that he had been expecting a more provocative observation. “Boy, nothing gets past you, huh? Person who wants to end his life not thinking anyone in the world cares about what becomes of him. You learn that in you high school psych class?”
“Unfortunately, no,” she replied, choosing to ignore the sarcastic derision in his voice.
“So what, I’m supposed to believe that you, a complete stranger, cares enough about me to be affected if I die tonight.”
“I’m not a complete stranger anymore.” Dawn took in as much of their two bodies as she could see, suddenly very aware of their intimacy. Thank God it had fallen to night.
“You were when you stopped me.” His snort told her he thought he had at that.
“I care about anyone who would choose to end their life. And I will try and stop anyone who would do it right in front of me.”
“Well, it was not my intention to do it in front of anyone, most especially someone like you who confuses the selfish desire to not be a party to a sickening act of self destruction, which would haunt your dreams for the rest of your life, with caring.”
“So, hoping to stop you from committing a senseless act that would end your life, is selfish?” Dawn laughed and shook her head, hair finally falling from her already loosed pony tail, “Why do I sound so surprised to hear cynicism from a suicidal man?”
“You can’t honestly expect ANYONE to believe that you really care about me and not yourself here.” His head lifted upward as he punctuated the “anyone.” Dawn took the moment to snatch back her bloody hand and his head slapped the concrete as he finished the sentence. He winced and shut his eyes.
“I wish I could say sorry about the abuse your head is taking, but I’d be lying.” Seeing he was about to reply she covered his mouth and continued, “And don’t give me some crap about me proving right then that I don’t care. Even family members sometimes wish a little pain on each other. At least if you are in pain you are alive.”
She felt a sticky warmth on her palm to rival the sticky warmth that had flowed from the back of her hand. She yanked her hand from the man’s mouth, sticking out her tongue in disgust. Wiping her hand on his wrinkled shirt she said, “Yuck! What are you five?”
“I understood that all men are babies, so I figured I could get away with it.” Then becoming startlingly calm, looking older than he had yet he said, “Listen, neither of us is going to give up this, right?”
“I won’t, not until I make you understand.”
“Okay, you’re stubborn. So am I. It’s a characteristic that I’m sure in your worldly knowledge of suicidal people comes up almost as often as believing that no one cares.”
Dawn pouted a moment, considering his statement. “At first, that is true.”
“Fine, well, even before I was suicidal I was stubborn. My mind is pretty set on dying so it will likely take longer than you could comfortably straddle me to change my mind.”
Dawn continued to pout. She straightened herself up and looked down at him from over her nose. “So what do you propose we do?”
The man laughed softly like she’d just made a joke and Dawn found herself blushing without knowing why. She tightened her lips and tapped his chest. “When you’re finished.”
He made one last snort and sighed. “I propose that we give it one week. You have one week to convince me that you stopped me tonight because you cared about me.”
Dawn chewed softly on her lower lip. “And if I manage it, you won’t kill yourself?”
“We’ll see.”
“No deal. If I win, you can’t kill yourself?”
“Eww, bad way to start, making a game out of my living or dying.”
“Sorry, bad choice of words. If I convince you, you will not kill yourself.”
“Hmmm. How about, if you convince me, I won’t kill myself right away. I’ll give the life thing another go. Then if I choose to off myself anyway, you won’t be around to see it and stop me again.”
Dawn sighed. She wanted to continue fighting with him, but this line of argument was going to take almost as long as trying to convince him not to kill himself right now. She rose to her feet, keeping her hold on his wrist.
He laid there for a moment, considering her grasp, then her face. “Aren’t you going to tell me that you would still care about my death, even if you weren’t there to witness and stop it?” His eyes then fell to his wrist. “And while you’re answering, do you think you could let go of my arm?”
“I’m hoping that I can prove to you over this week that, yes, I would care very much if you still killed yourself, even if I wasn’t there when it happened.” She tugged at his arm to get him to start moving. “And, no, I’m not releasing your arm until we get back to my place.”
“Ah, no trust, also not a good sign of caring.”
“I don’t trust my brother near my apartment with a match, but I still care about him.”
“Oh, was it your brother who tried to off himself? What did he light his apartment on fire then go to sleep? I should have done that. I hate my upstairs neighbor.”
Dawn took a deep breath. It would be a long week. Of course he wasn’t going to make anything easy for her. “No, my brother is a bit of a pyromaniac is all. He once lit my tree house on fire when we were kids.”
“Wow.”
Somehow Dawn had expected more. Feeling a little slighted, without really knowing why, she began to walk in the direction of home. After only a few steps she realized that the man was favoring the knee that had hit the side walk in their fall. She turned with genuine concern hoping that he’d see how much she cared at that moment.
“We’ll go slowly. I’ll take a look at it when we get to my place. Does it hurt real bad?”
“Yes, but I know a fast cure?”
“What?” She knew she’d stepped in it as soon as she uttered the interrogative word.
“A quick dive over that rail.”