1666
an excerpt

I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore and I knew that it was a matter of seconds before I would lose complete control over my emotions while they took over. That’s when I began to run as if I was trying to run away from everything that had happened in the past week; run away from meeting Damon and getting those expectations about making money and being successful, run away from all those lies, from everything. So I ran and every time one of my feet hit the ground, all I wanted to do was run faster to get farther and farther away from it all. After a while my legs hurt and I could feel my chest burning up every time I breathed in; I was exhausted but I couldn’t stop. I did not want to stop. So I ran faster, farther, despite the fact that the tears pouring down my face made it almost impossible for me to see where I was going. I didn’t care, I couldn’t stop and I wouldn’t stop for anything in the world. I ran past exhaustion and the pain in my legs moved up to my chest which felt as if it was going to burst as my lungs felt so heavy and hot that I was scared of actually passing out. All the emotions I had felt over this, all the expectations and compliments, it was nothing but lies on top of lies. I ran through the empty streets of the city, feeling my heart pounding through my chest as my laboured breathing felt like flames going down my throat, pushing past my limits, past everything I felt and everything I did not want to feel. I knew I was running from something I could not see; desperately trying to get away from something that was not physical and something I did not even know everything about. As I ran through the streets, my head was flooded with everything that had happened to me in the past week; everything that had happened since meeting Damon for the first time at the mall. I remembered Damon’s professionalism as he tried to put me at ease with everything and how good all of this felt. I remembered thinking that, for the first time in my life, maybe I was more than just some kid, maybe I did have something special and I could be something more than a high school student. All those memories, all those illusions came crashing down on me as I ran even faster, pushing past everything, past the pain I could feel in every single part of my body, the burning in my muscles. The pain was so strong, it was like knives piercing through my skin but the most horrible pain was not physical, it was the pain caused by this whole situation, these lies and these false expectations. Everything I was led to believe over the past week was nothing but fake; there was nothing real about all of it and as these images, these conversations ran through my head and my all, all I could do, all I could think of was run. And so I ran. I could feel the warm tears running down my face and I ran. I didn’t know where I was going or even where I was but I knew that I didn’t want to be here and I didn’t want to go back; I wanted to run and get away from it all. I ran down a small sandy hill leading to the beach and finally stopped my run as my legs gave up and I crashed in the sand. Every muscle of my body was burning and although I wanted to get up and run away more than anything in the world, I simply couldn’t. When I finally managed to push myself up to my knees, I could still feel the tears rolling down my face as my eyes were burning up. I was dirty and cold… I was such a mess; drenched in tears and sweat, my clothes covered with sand. I ran a hand on the fabric of my shirt right over my stomach to try and brush some of the sand out; I didn’t want it to get dirty. I brushed my hand on it over and over again, pressing harder on it every time until I grabbed a hold of the fabric and pulled on it with all the strength I had left in my body. I was dirty, I was feeling so dirty. I used both hands and finally managed to rip my shirt off my back, throwing it away as I wept, thinking that it was the shirt I had picked to make a good impression for the first meeting I had thanks to Damon. Now shirtless, I slowly got back to my feet, pushing past the pain once again as my movements seemed to be instinctive; I wasn’t thinking, I my brain wasn’t processing everything that was going on and all I was doing was go through the motions. My body hurt; my whole body hurt. I took a single step and as soon as my feet in the ground, I fell to my knees and vomited. I stayed there, bent over, for so long that I lost track of where I was. But it didn’t hurt. That way, it didn’t hurt. So I stayed there, looking down at the sand, staring at my own vomit and all I could think about was that at least it didn’t hurt.