Dreamtime
an excerpt

She went to work one day and her boss told her he wanted to meet with her. He said that he was sorry, but that she was not doing her job satisfactorily and he was going to have to let her go. She was stunned and unable to comprehend his words. It was if he were speaking to her at a great distance and in slow motion, yet the sounds he made after that initial pronouncement were unintelligible. She sat there, in horror, the room spinning around her. Finally, he stopped speaking and looked at her, as if she was supposed to respond. She stood and walked out of the room, barely feeling her feet as they stepped on the carpet, taking her out of the room, down the hallway, and out of the building. She heard other people around her as if at a distance and she just continued walking, though she had no thoughts, no plans, no destination. Her feet kept walking and so she went along for the ride, not knowing or caring what happened.
She was, somewhere in the back of her mind, surprised where she ended up. She found herself standing on the barrier alongside the bay, looking down at the water. She heard a man nearby asking her if she was ok, but she continued to experience herself in a bubble, separate from others, and felt no need to respond. The water sparkled in the sun. She felt as if it was inviting her in, to join with it, to disappear into it. She knew it would hold her and comfort her somehow. She longed for that, to let go and just be held and comforted, to dissolve and release all of this hard work of living. Her body leaned towards the water. A small part of her mind heard and felt the man come closer to her, sounding urgent. But the water called to her more urgently and with a promise of relief from her suffering. She did not so much as jump as fall forward with her arms outstretched.
The water, however, was shocking, not comforting, in its cold and in the slap of its surface on her body. A sound escaped her lips—a crying out in pain and fear, as her bubble collapsed and terror returned. She felt weighted down in the water from her clothes and she struggled to swim and keep her head above water. She was dimly aware of people shouting and a loud splash nearby. She turned reflexively and there was the man who had spoken to her before she went into the water. He looked very upset and she felt a calm come over her as the desire to help him strangely kicked in. She knew he was there to save her—she was not stupid, after all, even in this crazed state—but still she wished to just release him from his fear. She felt the urge, too, to slip beneath the surface of the water, to just let go and stop struggling, stop suffering. It was not so cold any more and felt almost warm to her. She began feeling again that the water could offer great comfort to her, if she just surrendered to it and let go. As she started to do so, she felt the man’s grip on her, pulling her head above the water and speaking urgently to her, though she could not seem to comprehend the words.
“It’s ok,” she tried to say to him, but the words did not seem to emerge from her mouth. She wished to reassure him that it really was ok, that the water was helping her, not hurting her, but he did not seem to understand that, as he appeared quite upset and was determined to pull her from the water. Rowena stopped trying—to stop him or help him. She no longer knew what to do. All was blurry confusion. There seemed to be other people around too. And suddenly she felt very cold. Cold and confused and lonely, though there were many people around her by this time. She heard a siren nearby and wondered if it was to help the man—or perhaps her? But did she need help, she wondered? She seemed to be out of the water though was still quite wet, she thought sluggishly. ‘Shouldn’t I be dry if I am no longer in the water?’ was the question that non-sensically appeared then. But she soon let that go and drifted away as she was covered in blankets and paramedics fussed with her body. She did not understand what the fuss was about. If only they had let her stay in the water, it all would have been fine.