Ebola! at the Disco (Yaoi! at the Disco Pt. Deux)
an excerpt

‘Whatever. Shall I staple them to you so you won’t lose them?’ suggested Arc. ‘I’m a real man. Real men use staple guns!’ To demonstrate his point, he pointed at the mushrooms and made chk chk noises.

‘Good idea… If it won’t cause harm to the mushrooms!’ added Voldemort, but gratefully. ‘I don’t want to lose them… ever… my lovely mushrooms… I shall defend you with my life if need be!’

Arc adjusted his invisible, stereotypical spectacles and leafed through a page of a book perhaps only he could see. ‘No, the mushrooms will not be affected. Luneth, my love, may I borrow your staple gun, because I’m a real man too?’

‘Sure can!’ Luneth said cheerfully, obliging and handing over the pink, fluffy staple gun. ‘Now, let’s sit around and toast more marshmallows! Things will work out in the end. What do you think, everyone?’

‘Sure!’ said Jwalk, sarcastic in his fear. ‘That sounds very productive and useful.’

‘It does! Unless we’ve run out of marshmallows…’ Luneth looked worried, searching his magical adventurer pockets. ‘Nope! We have a bag of pink ones and a bag of white ones. I don’t want to share the pink, though… They’re my favourite…’

‘I know!’ Arc suggested. ‘As a scholar and a real man, I know that you can use pink food colouring on the marshmallows, so we can all have the pink ones! And we probably have some. I love the colour pink! Pink is a manly colour. Anyone who says pink is a girly colour is clearly in denial~’

‘No!’ Voldemort snapped. ‘I’m an evil overlord in my spare time! I don’t like pink! I only use pale red!’ He folded his arms and scowled, finally showing some evil badass villianry. Sort of. Or maybe he was just being a brat.

‘Fine! You stick to your boring, bland, uninteresting white marshmallows!’ Jwalk said, sneering. ‘We’ll just be snacking on the beautiful pink ones and contemplating how to get out of a life or death situation yet again!’

Voldemort twitched and turned away sulkily, facing his mushrooms protectively. ‘Well, when anyone wants to staple them to me…’

Arc snatched the staple gun from Luneth and began. All the boys could hear was Voldemort screeching and wailing incoherent, frantic nonsense, with a few words mixed in – ‘I – dgkfdbj – have to be – a good djkgbfgjgbjfjgjg – boy! It’s – for – the – asfhdbhgbdfh – mushrooms – sjfbdjbvjhfgbvjmfg!!’

‘Stop that,’ ordered Arc. ‘I understand you’re just a weakling, like I never was, but you should just suck it up, princess! One staple! Two staples! And three staples! How many staples can I put in? One staple! Two staples! Three staples! Four staples—‘

Voldemort wailed, and everyone rolled their eyes and turned away.

Dot dash dash dash dot dot dot dot dot dot dash dot dot dot dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dash dash dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dash dash dot dot dash dot dot dash dash dash dash dash dot dot dot dot dot dash dash dot dash dot dash dot dash dash dot dash dash dot dash dot dash dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dot dot dash dash dash dash dash dot dash dash dot dot dot dot dot dash dash dash dash dash dash dash dot dash dot dot suddenly paused. ‘Uh, I just spotted a plot hole! Jwalk, you were just sucked into a dimensional vortex, perhaps never to be seen again! Why are you here, sneering at wannabe evil overlords, and making sarcastic comments about marshmallows?’

‘Uh! Well!’ stammered Jwalk, and with that, he disappeared again.