Excerpt: ???

I know that the time has come.

Ray is already on the verge of leaving me. I can hear it when he turns over in bed when I get up at 5AM to go for a run. I can feel him clench every single muscle in his body. He hates me. I’m sure of it. I don’t know why he doesn’t walk out on me. I am surprised that he’s still there when I come home. I don’t know how he can stand me. All I do is fret and worry, fret and worry. My nerves are alive and sparkly, lit like roman candles, all the time waiting, all the time inching closer and closer to oblivion.

I keep waiting for it to come. It doesn’t happen. I want the time bomb to go off. Just get it over with already so Ray can move on with his life, so Jordy can find a new writing partner, so my Dad can finally rest knowing that he doesn’t have to stay alive for me any longer. But I keep burning bright, running around, all fluttering hands and too many words. I am full of them, I keep vomiting words all over the place, like some sort of disease. I think that running will help. I run and the words are still there. Sometimes they come out of my mouth, sometimes they circle my brain and wait until I get home where I fill the space with my crazy, all of it pouring out of me with or without my permission. I don’t know how to stop any of it.