Confessions of a Clearance Lady - a working mom's hilarious and tragic journey through the corporate world
an excerpt

*** Fiction ***

Beth glared at him from over her reading glasses. Her face seemed swollen. "Where's the coffee?" she asked.
"Glad you asked," Dan, her new boss, said. "Here's a list of stuff you're going to pick up from Costco. Your coffee is on it."
"Ah," Beth hesitated, but decided to hold off on any comments. "Just so I know, am I getting an office?" she asked, from behind the counter of the receptionist’s desk. “It’s hardly fitting for a V.P. of Operations.”
"It’ll do," Dan said, walking away.
Fingers tapping on peeling Formica, Beth decided that she would go over to Costco after all.

_Coffee maker, coffee beans - ground (Dan didn't leave anything to intelligent interpretation), a heavy case of office paper..._ Beth wondered what the hell she was doing. Dan could have sent his mother to do the shopping, only _she would have told him to take a hike. Two pages long, a second section specified that Beth purchase the items on a separate receipt, have them packed in boxes and left in her car for transfer into his later. Animal cookies, LightDays, Special K cereal; these were not for the office.
Beth smiled.
Just down the street she noticed a drug store and pulled in. _Condoms... glow in the dark... ribbed for her pleasure, neon colors. Sounds good. A fuzzy, black thong: Perfect. Finishing touch? Vaseline._
In her car, Beth snipped the tag from the thong, slightly altering it with a touch of Vaseline to ensure that his wife would interpret it as previously owned. The condom box had to be open to score Dan more points. Torn, as if in a moment of passion. One empty sachet would seal the deal.. She opened the trunk and hid everything under the panty liners.

*** Facts ***

Back in 1997 MSNBC did a special on the company I worked for. The reporter and camera man approached me for an interview after I'd had a couple of glasses of wine. My famous quote? "When your executive team dresses up in gorilla suits, you know they're serious."

I once had an office with a real door. It came with an office mate. When I talked too much, she'd put on her earphones and listen to music. When my plant got fruit flies, she banished it to someone else's office.

Most of the first draft of this book was written under the influence of Caramel Macchiatos.