The sun streamed into the cabin through the tiny crack in the shade. Claire had pulled it to before they had taken off from New York. Claire stared at her daughter and thought how innocent she looked. The sunlight dancing through the tangle of blonde that had wrestled out from under her knitted cap. Chloe had been so excited about finally getting to go to Savannah that Claire didn’t think she sleep at all but she also knew they where going to have enough to handle once they got there that she really wanted Chloe to get at least an hour or two of rest. Six a.m. flights always make for a long day. Claire reached over and pulled the shade the rest of the way down.
“How much longer before we land?” Claire whispered as the flight attendant passed by. Her voice was surprisingly hoarse.
“Not much longer ma’am, another fifty minutes or so. Can I get you anything? A pillow?” The flight attendant asked. Claire just shook her head. There was no way she’d be able to get comfortable now. She sunk back into her seat. The tension in her neck swelled up in her head until it felt like her eyes where about to pop. Her hands where clammy and her mouth was dry. She had left Savannah 12 years ago and had never looked back.
“This is going to be impossible,” she thought. Her eyes wandered back to Chloe’s serene face. She had never really talked much about growing up with her grandmother or, for that matter, any of her childhood in savannah. What she had shared where all from when she was younger than Chloe is now. Mostly stories about birthday parties and holidays, non-descript stories of generic events that she sanitized and self-edited with each retelling. Not that her childhood had been bad. If anything, quite the opposite, she had grown up in a wonderful old house with a loving and devoted grandmother , she received the best in education, had all the right friends, and went to all the best places. That was exactly what she had walked out on all those years ago and left behind with no regrets. No regrets, she underlined the thought in her mind.
Yes, she had to be careful with Chloe. She didn’t want to spark her lively imagination any further than it already was. Chloe had a very inquisitive nature and questions about where she came from where always first on the list. Not that she hadn’t created ample diversion for the girl while growing up in New York City, she certainly had. But she also noticed around the holidays Chloe would start to ask about what is was like when she was growing up, and what kind of family traditions they had. She tried to be vague without lying. She tried to divert the questions. But the fact of the matter is that Chloe is beginning her adolescence and that alone causes a huge identity crisis and having a mother who had no past certainly didn’t make it any easier on her to try and figure out who she was and where she was going.
As Claire thought about these things it brought her to her own life and identity. She had started over new in New York. It really was a lifetime ago that she had moved there to start her apprenticeship. She had worked her way up through the Garment District to where she was currently employed as a full-time and regular sketch artist. Last season she had even gotten enough backing to create her own collection and put together a show during Fashion Week. Granted, it had taken place in alley and there had been six other designers showcasing with her, but still it was a start.
And now she had to go back.
She felt her chest tighten as the plane started its descent into the Savannah area. She looked at Chloe one last time. Knowing what was waiting for them, she wanted this moment to last just a little longer, but the cabin lights came on and the Captain began to announce their arrival in the fair city. Chloe stirred in her sleep and slowly blinked her eyes open.
“Are we there?” Was quickly followed by, “Don’t be sad, Mom.” Chloe’s excitement was as tangible anxiety.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be alright, Baby.” Claire answered a little more wistfully than she had hoped she would sound. How could Chloe understand what they where here to do when she had never even really talked about her grandmother. She had never sent Chloe down for the summers and they had never come home for the holidays. Not even when Chloe was a very small child. She had been stubborn and was going to prove to her Grandmother that she was a better mother than her own mother had been. Chloe had no idea how close they had been even after her move to New York. Chloe didn’t know how her Grandmother had offered to take Chloe in while she was still in design school so she could focus on her studies full-time and Chloe wouldn’t have to live in the roach- infested, fourth floor, walk-up studio they had shared the first six months of her life. Thank God, Chloe couldn’t remember that.
She cinched up her trench coat and handed Chloe down their bags from the overhead compartment. She tried to fake a little smile for Chloe’s benefit. As they stepped off the plane onto the tarmac the sultry, sub-tropical Georgia air hit her like an anvil. She knew the cashmere sweater and trench coat would be too much, but it hadn’t stopped her. Just like she knew bringing Chloe down here for a few weeks while she closed her grandmother’s estate was not the wisest of her decisions. She probably could have handled all this with a lawyer and a few calls and maybe a weekend trip down her alone. But here they where and there was no looking back.