Unfaithful
an excerpt

Chapter One: Air-ball

“I really think it’s time you learned to feed.”
I stared at the thick red liquid in the glass Cyrus set in front of me and pretended I didn’t hear his insane suggestion.
Because, actually, Cyrus never made suggestions. When he made up his mind about something, that was pretty much how it was going to be.
“This is fine,” I assured him taking the glass and raising it, inhaling its fragrance. “I like not knowing where it comes from.”
My stomach contracted a little at the smell. I definitely remembered where my food came from, but I still hated admitting to Cyrus that I had liked feeding. Especially after what had happened in the fall.
“Drink it, Free,” he said, leaning across the counter. “Don’t make me force-feed you.”
He would. I knew from experience.
I tipped it back and chugged, my eyes closed as my senses exploded with color, scent, and subtle sounds that the ordinary human couldn’t hear. As I set the glass back on the table and drew a deep breath, I purposefully kept my eyes closed and my mind covered, so Cy wouldn’t have to see that it wasn’t enough. I was always hungry, unlike him and the others. I could dampen the hunger, but it was always there, gnawing at me.
When I opened my eyes again, he was still there, leaning across the counter. He beckoned me to come forward, and as always, I hesitated but did what he wanted in the end.
I leaned toward him anticipating his touch, and he caught my face in his hand, wiping some blood from my upper lip with his thumb. He pressed it into my mouth, eyeing me in a way that made me feel over my head – the way I usually felt with him.
My tongue touched the tangy blood he offered, and I took his hand, holding it in place as I licked his thumb clean.
His smile was devious, and his unusual silver eyes held mine in a suggestive stare. I loved those eyes. I let him hear my thoughts, especially the part where I invited him to try whatever he was thinking of and see where it got him.
“It’s too soon,” he said with a smallish smug smile, drawing himself back up. “And flattery like that will get you everywhere, but I still think it’s time you started feeding yourself.”
I frowned. “You can’t mean that.” Taking care of myself in that department meant dating – possibly making out with other guys. It would be impossible to get close enough to someone to feed without things becoming intimate or violent or just plain weird. The only thing that made sense was to frame it in an embrace. And I wasn’t ready for that. Not by a long shot.
“I do mean it,” he insisted, his brow furrowed. “We all took care of ourselves from the beginning-“
“Well, it’s easy for you,” I reasoned, drawing my brows together. “A rare steak here, a rare steak there, and you’re good to go.”
“No. We all need the real thing once in a while. We’re like animals. You can feed us crunchies, but once in a while, we gotta go chase a mouse.”
My mouth dropped open at the idea of him chasing skirts, and I immediately clamped it shut. “You never-“
“I never?” He raised his brows. “Some things are just better left unsaid, Free.”
My stomach sank as I thought of the last time we’d kissed, lying on his bed the night before, our legs tangled together, his hands in my hair until he rolled away breathless to gain control of himself. I knew he was an experienced lover and that waiting around for me to not seem like jailbait was killing him, and yet, I chose not to allow myself to think about his past. Or his present, as the case seemed to be.
“It’s not like that,” he sighed. “There’s you, and there’s feeding. They have nothing to do with each other.”
He could very well be telling me the truth from his perspective, but I still could remember my one brush with feeding on a human. How my friend Carson’s body had shuddered like a tuning fork when I sucked his neck; how the boys at school were all slowly beginning to stalk me if I made the mistake of talking to them or making prolonged eye contact. Humans loved vampires in a way that aided our natural selection. Vampire feeding and human intimacy were very intertwined for good reason, but it bothered me. Because our particular breed was both human and vampire at the same time.
“I don’t want to date other people,” I said. “End of story.”
He chewed the inside of his lip. “You’re afraid of hurting someone. I understand that.”
“Carson almost died, Cy. His heart stopped beating.” I pushed my stool back and tapped my skull. “I knew she had fed off him already, and I knew he didn’t have enough left in him to survive it again. And I couldn’t control myself. It was like something inside me took over.”
“You were too hungry. You were injured. Your instincts took over. It’s understandable.”
“Maybe for you. But I don’t want to go there again.”
“You have to, Freedom.” He sighed this long-suffering, condescending sigh that made me want to punch his perfect teeth out. I put my hands on my hips and glared. He glared back without putting any real feeling into it. “Gideon and I are stealing too much blood, all right? It’s being noticed, and while we have plenty of friends on the inside, we’re not doing a very good job of blending in. Bottom line, you’re getting cut off. We’ve got what’s in the freezer, and we can still probably get a few more supplements, to take the edge off while you’re getting the hang of it, but you’ve got about a month.”
My heart pounded. He couldn’t be serious.
“I never joke when it’s important,” he said, sticking his finger in my glass, and licking the blood off. He made a face like someone licking some especially tasty whipped cream off their finger and dipped his finger again.
“Cy,” I started, but when he looked up at me, I couldn’t finish my thought. I was already thinking about what this was going to mean for me.
I was going to have to feed. As in feed. I would have to go out with someone, let someone kiss me, and I was going to have to bite the guy. Then I was going to have to stop myself from killing him! All while maintaining perfect control of myself. All while not getting caught.
Oh hell.
“Free,” Cy said coming around to sit on the stool I’d vacated. “You’re making this out to be way worse than it is. No one dies. No one gets hurt. No one even gets a hickey, okay? I’ve explained this, right? You transfer your healing powers into the wound with your saliva. If the guy passes out, super, drive his ass home and leave him in the car- tell him he was awesome when you see him on Monday, and you can do it all again on Friday. If he doesn’t pass out, don’t sweat it. He’ll just act drunk and think you’re a wicked awesome kisser. Get the keys and take him home.”
“You’re a pig.” I looked away from his beautiful face.
“I love you, too.” He tapped my nose, almost playfully.
I swatted his hand away. “How can you be so cavalier about me kissing other people?”
“Easy.” He caught me by the waist, pulling me close to him, locking me up in his arms, which is precisely where I wanted to be, even though I hated admitting it at the moment. “I want to see you healthy. And what I’m doing with you right now - it isn’t healthy. We gotta do this the way nature intended.”
He saw my look of upset.
“This is healthy, Freedom.” He kissed my lips softly, catching me off guard. “I’m not talking about this.” Again, he kissed me, his mouth capturing mine in a quick brutal assault. I melted a little against him, and his very capable arms held me up. “What isn’t healthy is me holding you back from becoming what you’re meant to be.”
I fingered the stretched out neckline of his black t-shirt. “A cold-hearted predator?”
“A vampire leader.”
“That’s not me, that’s you,” I said. I couldn’t help feeling calm in his arms. Whatever was between us was more than chemistry, and I’d known that for a while. But it still surprised me how once the initial pitter-pats and other biological items were out of the way, he just knew how to hold me so I’d feel grounded and safe.
“No, it’s you,” he said. “Every leader needs a woman who can kick his ass behind him. I wouldn’t like you nearly as much if you were a wimp.”
I smiled. He sure knew the way to my heart.
“You’re easy,” he said. When I pulled back to raise my eyebrows at him, he made a face. “Just don’t be too easy with the boys at school, okay? I might get jealous if I find out you rounded third base with someone else.”
“You’re a jackass, you know that?” I shoved him and backed out of his arms, loathing the small satisfied smile that quirked his lips. “You know this is bothering me, and you’re cracking jokes?”
He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not trying to be a dick, Free. I’m just trying to lighten you up. You’re about as serious as a heart attack. Feeding is a natural part of our lives. The sooner you accept that, the happier you’ll be.”
Patrick came into the room, books tucked under his muscled forearm. “Am I interrupting something? Lover’s quarrel?”
“Not at all,” I said, picking up my gym bag, clearing out the old athletic shorts and tucking in the clean ones I’d just brought down from my room. “Is Damon on his way down? We need to head out.”
“I’m here.” Damon’s deep voice cut in, as he strode across the kitchen to get the door. “Ready for another day in paradise.”
“It’s not that bad. You might actually enjoy it if you signed up for something,” I said to him, slinging my bag over my shoulder.
“What, like band?”
I rolled my eyes, and turned back to Cy before following Damon. He gathered my glass and the plastic bag from the blood bank in one hand, and tossed a glance back at me.
“Freedom, can you at least toss those clothes down the cellar stairs? I’m getting tired of tripping over your dirty laundry.”
“Sure, Mom.” I winked with a smart-ass smile, blowing him a kiss as I backed out the door behind the guys. “When I get home, I’ll get right on it.”
“You have a basketball game tonight?” Cy called after me.
“I don’t need a babysitter!”
* * *
I hated showing off, but the defense was just asking for it, leaving the lane wide open like that. Faking left, I drove past the point guard, and rammed straight into the center who threw up a screen. Dumping the ball off to Calista, I scrambled back to recover her position as she went in for a lay up.
I held back for just a second, panting. My body ached from the effort it took to keep my newfound strength in check. If I hit those girls with half of what I had in me, I’d send them flying. There was actually a risk I’d hurt someone playing team sports, and I’d half wanted to quit when I realized exactly what I was capable of, but Gideon and Cyrus talked me into sticking it out. They thought it was a good lesson in self-control, and I agreed I needed an outlet for all my pent-up vampire energy. I almost forgot about the crap bugging me when I was playing. For just a few hours a day, I almost felt like a normal girl again (even though I’d never really been normal).
Calista dribbled out to the point and set up the Flex offense, realizing the other team was switching to a man-to-man junk defense to shut me down in the final quarter. Bad move for them. Flex was our team’s best play – they hardly needed me to pull it off. I waited patiently for my pick, rolled out into the paint slicker than snot, catching Calista’s eye, and like a dream come true, she bounced me a pass right under the defense’s nose. I palmed it, pivoted, went up for the jumpshot and was denied, someone’s hand hacking me in the head. Yes!
The whistle tweeted, and I went to the line to wait for my free throws. We had this game in the bag. I was so jazzed.
Just then, I felt someone’s eyes on me. Heavy eyes.
I turned to scan the buzzing crowd. Everyone was looking at me. How could I discern which two eyes that intense feeling was coming from?
“Two,” the ref said, blowing his whistle and tossing me the ball.
I dribbled twice, spinning the ball on a two-handed bounce and set up for the shot. It felt good. I could do this blindfolded. I closed my eyes and tossed it in.
Swish!
Cheers erupted, and I scanned the stands again, still feeling the smothering eyes of a vampire. It didn’t feel like Cy to me, but maybe I was wrong. He came by once in a while. Stood near the doors, stayed out of my head, and pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about if I asked him if he’d had any fun.
I smiled, and reminded myself I was supposed to be annoyed with him. He was crazy if he thought I wanted to be with other guys.
The ref passed me the ball. I dribbled twice, spinning the ball on a two-handed bounce, and set up again. Except this time when I closed my eyes, I pictured Cy holding some slender blonde, brushing her hair aside, and-
No. Get off it, Freedom. He’s yours. The guy is as faithful as they come.
I opened my eyes and stared at the basket a little too long. I noticed Calista looking at me funny out of the corner of her eye, and tossed up the shot.
“Aaaaair-baaaaall!” Someone shouted, and the crowd murmured in disappointment.
I gritted my teeth and growled, backpedaling as the defense scooped up the rebound, hurling it half-court to their best breakaway guard.
* * *
The game only went downhill from there. Afterwards, I hung out in the locker room, lingering in the last shower stall, preferring to boil my skin off under the school’s scorching hot water, rather than have to do a post-mortem on my amazing suckage with Sophie and Calista, my new bestest friends.
Damon and Patrick were still dating them. Once a week, without fail. Apparently the guys were having no issues with this feeding thing. Which only freaked me out more. I saw the way the other girls envied Sophie and Calista – everyone was all nice to their faces, but the minute their backs were turned, it was all “what does he see in her?” and “I’m way nicer than her” and “oh my god, he was looking at me, I can’t believe he was looking at me.” It was downright disgusting how everyone fawned all over them.
Of course Damon and Patrick did nothing to discourage such attention. Unlike me, who had become a recluse since realizing why Logan Constantine - the hottest guy in my class - liked me, an androgynous pasty chick with freckles. It figured I hadn’t attracted him on account of my shining personality or athletic prowess. It had to be something like vampire charisma and natural selection. I knew it was unreasonable of me to fight against the attraction – they couldn’t, so why should I? I understood that it served a purpose, assuring we’d never go hungry, but damn, so much about being a vampire still just struck me as dishonest and mean. Our prey had no idea what we wanted to do to them!
When I was sure all the girls had cleared out, I scuffed back to my locker to dry off and get dressed. Cy said I had one month. That was it? He expected me to make a total one-eighty in thirty days? He had to be nuts. Supposing I had the guts to walk up to Logan and ask him out (he would be so thrilled, I already knew he’d say yes), was I supposed to assume that the rest would just come naturally? Weren’t we supposed to be careful not to hurt them? How much was too much? How did one know when to stop feeding? I needed hands-on training. And yet the very idea of taking Logan home to Cyrus to have him show me how to suck his blood just seemed ludicrous. Not to mention wrong! Wouldn’t Cy be jealous if I were attached to someone’s neck, knowing that someone wanted something from me as well?
I shuddered at the thought. Vampire relationships were just fraught with dramatics. I could do without all of it.
But I couldn’t do without Cy. I’d totally fallen for him.
I pictured him the way he was last night, curled up beside me, sleeping with his arm hooked around his pillow like his life depended on it. He looked intense even when he slept, and I liked to think of him holding me like that one day.
We didn’t share a bed every night, mainly because neither of us could count on actually sleeping much. But the other reason was that I felt the need to maintain some illusion of being a normal teenager. He’d invited me, let me know the door was open any time, but sleeping together every night seemed like a privilege that should be reserved for adults. Nothing about our relationship had reached an adult level yet. We weren’t having sex. We weren’t even having almost-sex. It was PG kissing all the way, and I hadn’t so much as seen him naked (although I was pretty sure I could remedy that with a peek under the sheets).
I wasn’t complaining about the kissing, but point blank, aside from being terribly attracted to each other for some bizarre reason, Cy and I had a lot of differences of opinion. I didn’t know if we were lifetime material. Especially when life might be centuries long!
And now I had to worry about him with other women? I knew it was ridiculous to think of them as competition. If he had one tenth of the reaction to humans that I had, he couldn’t possibly take them seriously. They were so soft, so pillowy and gullible, and a guy like Cy needed a woman who could stand up to him. But at the same time, I knew he had loved a human once. And how could I forget that I had, too? It was convenient to forget, but deep down inside, I was aware every minute that I’d lost my best friend when I went through the Change. Carson had been my foundation since we were little kids. I’d never looked at him as pitiful and weak until the last time we’d been in close contact with each other, and I’d almost killed him.
I pulled on my jeans and sweatshirt, twisting my sopping hair into a big wet knot on the top of my head. Then, getting my parka out of my locker, I stalked toward the gymnasium, pushing open the door.
It was abandoned and dark in there, except for the emergency lighting. Amazing how fast the place cleared out on a February evening. I should be grateful for the solitude, but I wasn’t. This gym would forever remind of me that day Alex had lured me down here using Carson as bait. When I closed my eyes, I thought I could still smell the stink of Carson’s fear.
Suddenly, that feeling of strange supernatural eyes on me returned… My pulse quickened, and my glance darted around the room.
“Cy?” I called out his name, but I already knew it wasn’t him. Cy gave me the good kind of goosebumps. These were iffy. The person – or thing – looking at me wasn’t sure what he thought about me being there. He wanted to be alone, and I was an intruder. I spotted a lone figure in the corner, curled up in a ball, arms wrapped protectively around his knees. He was just sitting there, staring at me. And I realized suddenly why I’d thought I smelled Carson.
I breathed a little sigh of relief. “Hey Carson.” I took a step toward him, kind of forgetting we weren’t exactly on speaking terms since the incident.
He dropped one knee, defensively reaching to get up if he had to in a hurry. Gideon and Cy said there was no way he could possibly remember what happened, but he’d been squirrely like that ever since. I shook my head and walked two more steps before stopping.
The weird vibe he was giving off left me uneasy. “Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Go away,” he said back.
“Okay,” I said and hurried out the lobby doors. It still felt wrong walking away from Carson, especially knowing he was upset about something and looked like he could use a friend to talk to. I used to be that friend, but he clearly didn’t want me around anymore. And hadn’t I been the one who rejected him? I was a vampire now. He was a human, and humans couldn’t know about us or we’d have to kill them. Walking away seemed like the only wise thing to do.