Leaning Towards Love
an excerpt

Paige turned to face the empty house for the fourth day in a row. It was so quiet. It seemed so empty without her grandmother there to share it with. She stepped over to the couch and with a sigh sat down. She needed to think. There was so much that needed to be done within the next few days. She would need to find a new place to live if Grandma Anna hadn’t finished paying off the house. She tried to remember the bills that came in through the mail. Had there been a house note? She couldn’t recall.
Where would she move to? She couldn’t afford anything fancy, that was for sure. She was eighteen, but in all her years she hadn’t ever had a job, or even applied for one. Grandma Anna had been too concerned with her grades and schooling. She had said that there would be plenty of time for a job later in life, after she had had the right kind of education. What was she going to do now? She struggled to think of how much money she had in her bank account. Her parents had started her one up the day she was born and they, as well as her Grandma Anna had contributed to it throughout her life. Surely all that birthday and Christmas money she had stowed away would have amounted to something by now?
She gazed around the living room. It was so warm and cozy. She had spent countless wonderful nights there with Grandma Anna in this house. There were several framed photos of her with her parents, friends, and grandmother. The walls were covered in knick-knacks of all ages. Paige knew they had to be worth a pretty penny. Where would they go if Grandma Anna had written out her will? What about the house itself? Paige knew she wouldn’t be able to afford it in her own. Had Grandma Anna finished paying off the house? Well, she thought, I guess I’ll know when they come to repossess the home.
She sighed and sank further into the cushions of the couch. “What’s going to happen to me now?” she mumbled. She thought of the will, then berated herself. How could she even fathom the idea of taking anything else from her grandmother? Grandma Anna had done everything for her. She had taken her in when she needed her most. She had given up her high salary job that she had worked for all her life just so that she could be at home with her when she got off the bus. She had taken care of her when sick, taken her out on her first time driving, helped her study for her most difficult exams, and, most of all, loved her with all her heart. She had done so many things for her in the past, how could Paige even think about taking any more from her.
It was then that it happened. All the tears that she had been holding in throughout the day while she had been at the funeral and while Alexis had been present came pouring out. How much had she cried in the past few days? She couldn’t even remember. It seemed like they had simply come in waves. She was surprised her face hadn’t been completely swollen during the past days. Come to think of it, she was surprised that she had any tears left. The pain she was experiencing was beyond her. It hurt her so deeply, almost as bad as it had the day her parents had died.
Paige put her hand to her mouth, trying to stop herself from completely crying out in anguish. She had so many emotions running through her veins and to the very depths of her heart and mind. There was sorrow, for she had lost someone so dear to her. There was guilt, for she hadn’t been there with her grandmother when she passed away. There was remorse; she should have spent more time with her. She shouldn’t have left the house four days ago. Would things have turned out differently? Would Grandma Anna still be with her if she had been there to call the ambulance? How many more years would they have had together?
Paige sniffed and more tears found their way to her cheeks. Her sinuses were beginning to stuff up and her eyes stung. It hurt to cry. It hurt to sob. It hurt to think and function. Paige had prayed that she would never have to relive the pain that she had felt when she was ten. She had prayed that her life would be pieced back together. But what was happening now? Wasn’t she hurting nearly as much as she had had back then? She didn’t even have anyone to fall back on now. She had nowhere to go. She would have to make it on her own from now on.
Paige lay down on the couch and let herself completely break down. She cried for her grandmother. She cried for herself, as selfish as she knew it was. She cried for her future that was now out of her reach. But mostly, she cried tears of bitterness. She was experiencing pain she had never felt before. At least when her parents had died Grandma Anna had been there. No one was here now. She had no one to comfort her.
Yes, Paige had several emotions cursing through her, but bitterness was the most profound. Her grief turned to questions, and her questions turned into anger, not only to herself but to others as well. She was angry with the cashier at the grocery store. Perhaps if he hadn’t taken so long in scanning her food, she could have been home to help her grandmother. She was angry with all of the people who had been on the road that day. If only there hadn’t been so much traffic…She then moved to her parents’ death. This incident wouldn’t be nearly as hard on her if her parents were still around. She missed them so much. She missed them all her entire being. She ached for them. She wanted to see her mother smile at her; she wanted to feel her father’s strong arms around her. She wanted to hear her Grandma Anna’s voice whispering to her, telling her that everything was going to be alright. She would never get to experience any of that again.