Excerpt: Stalker Magnet and "Friends"

Kylie's eyes watered as the dentist's needle pierced the inside of her cheek.
"So how did you manage to chip your tooth?" Dr. Craig asked as soon as his fingers were in her mouth.
"I brwit intrew uh wing."
"A wing?"
"Nwo, uh wing."
"A ring? Why did you bite into a ring?"
The dentist, who'd obviously taken Slurred Speech 101 in dental school, removed the needle from Kylie's mouth and massaged the injection site. He took a closer look at her chipped canine and shook his head.
"It was in my corndog," she said.
He gave her an odd look. "Should I ask?"
Kylie shrugged in the uncomfortable vinyl-covered chair. "I guess I'm engaged."
"Congratulations."
"Yeah. Thanks."
And what kind of guy pops the question by hiding an engagement ring in a corndog? Kylie's boyfriend of three weeks, Tim Mulligan, that's who.
The cell phone in Kylie's pocket vibrated. She ignored it. She didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. She just wanted her tooth fixed. The phone stopped vibrating and seconds later started vibrating again.
"It will be a few minutes before you're numb enough to start. If you need to take a call…" He nodded toward her hip.
Maybe I keep it on vibration and in my pocket for a reason. She thought it, but didn't say it. Kylie retrieved her phone and read the caller ID. Jillian. Just the person she wanted to talk to. No, not really. She accepted the call anyway.
"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my Goooddddd!" Jillian screamed into her ear. Kylie winced and pulled the phone from her face. "I just heard the news from Tim. I'm so happy for you!"
"Thanks."
Jillian paused. "You don't sound too excited."
The numbing agent began to spread its magic up her cheek and along her jaw. "Does anyone swound exswited when thwere in a dentwist chair?"
"I'll pick you up at six."
"I dwon't want to gwo anywhere, Jwillian. My fwace is numb."
"I'll pick you up at six."
"Jillwian." The line went dead. "Gweat! She never listens twew me."
"Your sister?" Dr. Craig asked. His assistant arranged various implements on a tray and he reached for something that looked suspiciously like a drill.
"Bwest frwiend/worst enemwy."
"I see. Open wide."
Wasn't the day you get engaged supposed to be a happy one? Kylie winced as the drill started to whine.
*****
Kylie stood on the curb waiting when Jillian pulled up in front of her apartment building. The continued numbness of her cheek made her drool, but she didn't care. She slid into the passenger seat of Jillian's late model VW bug and fastened her seatbelt.
Jillian gave her the once over. "You look like shit."
"Thanks. I just spent 3 hours with large things in my mouth. I didn't much feel like dollin' myself up for you."
"Large things, huh? Well, we know it didn't belong to Tim then."
Kylie rolled her eyes.
"Well….." Jillian's eyebrows arched in question.
"Well, what?"
"Let's see the ring!"
Kylie presented her left hand to Jillian who stared down at the band on her finger. The small diamond looked pitifully small in its setting.
"It's gorgeous," she said, not quite convincingly.
Kylie yanked her hand away. "Is not."
"So what did he say?"
"Before or after I broke me tooth on it?"
"When he asked you to be his beloved bride? This is so exciting, Kylie. I never thought you'd find a decent guy. You tend to attract weirdoes and creeps."
"Thanks for reminding me. He said…" Kylie hesitated. "I don't remember."
"How can you not remember a proposal of marriage?"
"Traumatic memory block."
"I'm not buying that for a second, Kyle." Jillian glanced over her shoulder and pulled the car away from the curb. "I'm surprised Tim didn't want to celebrate with us tonight."
"He's working." And Kylie really didn't want to see him. Why had she said yes to him? She'd been stunned and her agreement just sort of came out of her mouth without a thought. "He said, 'I think it's about time I settled down. Whadduya saaaaay?' Real romantic, huh?"
Jillian didn't look at her. "So he hid the ring in your food?"
"Yeah. He stuck it in my corndog."
Jillian gaped at her. "Just where did he propose? I thought you went some place real nice."
"Sonic Drive Thru."
Jillian slammed on her brakes, throwing Kylie painfully forward against her shoulder belt. She'd almost ran a red light. "Jillian! Are you trying to kill us?"
"You're kidding! He proposed at Sonic Drive Thru? I'm so gonna rip him a new one, when I see him."
"Jillian you've got to help me get out of this. I don't want to get married again."
Jillian patted her hand. "You aren't getting any younger, sweetie. You'll be 34 next month."
"Don't remind me. You really think I should settle for Tim?"
"He's reasonably attractive, has a job and no criminal record. How is that settling? Don't you love him?"
Kylie shrugged. "How should I know? I barely know him."
"Give it a week, Kyle and if you still want to break it off, I'll help you."
Kylie rubbed her forehead. "Thanks, Jilli. You know I'm not any good at breaking off relationships."
Jillian laughed. "You're right. You totally suck at breaking up with anyone. Remember those two guys who had the Kylie Fan Club in elementary school? I thought you'd never get rid of them."
How could she forget?