Excerpt: What Kind of Man You Are

Making out with Benjamin

I had put my time in. I had pined for him for so long, this was my just reward. Careening down the highway toward Madison, at speeds first of 75, then 70 and soon 60 as he kissed my neck. I didn't dare pull the car over, for fear that his lips would stop with the motion of the car. I struggled to maintain speed but my foot was going limp along with the rest of my body. It wasn't long before he started moving higher and higher up my neck, then cheating forward towards my chin. I knew what he wanted. I pulled back just enough to bring my lips to his. The car struggled to maintain speed as I relished the moment. Kissing with eyes open, trying to keep my eyes on the highway ahead of us.

The passengers in the backseat are understandably upset.

I don't care about their impassioned screams, and neither does Benjamin. We continue to make out in the front of my 1997 Red Chevy Cavalier, his hot mouth on mine for some time. Unsustainable and impractical as our passion is, eventually we stop kissing and begin to hold hands. My heart still thunders in my chest, for a suddenly requited love.

I think about the club we are going to, how instead of dancing next to Benjamin at best, and watching him bounce from guy to guy on the dance floor at worst, we will be together. Instead of being sometimes lonely, I'll have Benjamin at my side, and sometimes grinding on my crotch as I'd watched him to do so many other guys.

I pulled the car to a stop in front of the club. His hand released mine so that I could put the car in park. He gave me one short but magnificent look, a look of passion, confidence, longing. Instead of looking dulled by alcohol he glowed. Then he leapt out of the car and bounded into the club. I caught up with him at the bouncer, but as soon as his ID was scrutinized he was gone. I saw him a few times, leaping from man to man, kissing this one, touching that one. Our time in the car still felt special, but I knew that it only felt special to me.

I would find out a few weeks later that he had forgotten this moment.