The California Suicides
an excerpt

"The first thing you notice upon meeting Jones is his unique birthmark, covering most of his face like a sugar cookie dipped in caramel," Jones paused. "Why am I a food now?"
"Because you're so tasty," Ginger said without opening her eyes. She rocked her head lazily to the side. He reached his hand down and ruffled her stiff hair.
"He cuts a slightly imposing figure, standing a bit over six feet and looking very solidly bulit despite his belly - oh come on now," he folded the magazine and held it limply at his side.
"But you have a lovely belly," Ginger cooed, leaning her head into it like a pillow. "Keep going, I love hearing about you."
He suspected she was humoring him. She probably felt his concern, so she began to rub him like a fleshy Buddah statue. "How manly," she even nuzzled it a bit. "Keep reading."
He wasn't flattered, but it was hard to say no. " - but his wide smile and demeanor almost makes one feel like he's an old friend or confidant," he continued. "In all my years as a professional journalist, I have not met a man who can converse as easily as Jones," they both snickered. He wouldn't have bothered reading this crap if the woman in his lap hadn't been so charming. He glanced down. She was too tall to fit comfortably in his lap, which he found adorable. She was like a big kid trying too hard to be cute. He bent down to kiss her and found a well-manicured hand cupped over his mouth.
"Keep reading," her voice clipped delicately. Tease, he thought derisively.
"Do I have to read this whole thing to you? It sounds like somebody wrote down a string of cliches and stuck my name on it. This could be written about any guy!"
"It's just starting, it'll get better!" she said, encouragingly.
He sighed. Being a celebrity, even a local one, wasn't much fun.
"If it doesn't get better, we can go out for ice cream. When you're done."
"Ice cream? Oh golly jeepers. Can we watch cartoons and color, too?" He asked the wall.
She thumped his gut. "Read, read, read!"
"I'd rather be writing," he tugged her ear.