Excerpt: The First Day of Freedom

“Damn it. I can’t get it to buckle.” Despite my best effort, the words slipped out between my teeth in a frustrated whisper. The smooth plastic seat seemed to hug me even tighter as I struggled to stand up and step out of the car onto the far side of the platform.

“Maggie? What’s going on?” Alexis had confusion and concern written all over her face as she looked up at me. “Are you scared? Do you want me to get out? I don’t mind waiting with you.”

That might be nice. Misery loves company, right? “Nah, don’t worry about me. I just… changed my mind and don’t feel like riding this one. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” The train of cars lurched forward and slowly began their ascent up the hill. Click. Click. Click. I watched Alexis’s blonde ponytail disappear over the top of the first hill of the massive coaster, and then started down the ramp back to the main drag. Some day this was turning into. I was too fat to ride the roller coaster. Hot tears crept down my cheeks, and I brushed them away with the palm of my hand. For all I knew, my friends thought I’d chickened out. At least, I hoped this was the case.

Five minutes later, Alexis, Joy, Connor, Jeff, and Tracy found me on the bench next to the exit of the ride.

“What happened, Mags? You get scared?” Connor said teasingly.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” I said quickly. No point in giving them time to think of the real reason. “That hill was just looming up ahead, and I guess I just freaked out a little.” I looked down at my shoes. I hated lying. I loved roller coasters.

“What should we do next?” Joy posed this question to the group. I would love to look like Joy. She was tall, muscular, and slim. Unlike me, who was short, muscular, and fat.

“How about the carousel? The really fast one?” I said hopefully. There was no chance of being too fat to ride the carousel. Plus, it was fun. The guys groaned at my suggestion (not macho enough, I guess) but the girls were all for it. We dragged Connor and Jeff behind us as we made our way towards the front of the park. We were just getting close when Alexis grabbed my arm and pulled me off to the side of the group.

“Maggie, what really happened back there with the coaster? I heard you say something before you got off, but I wasn’t paying attention. Spill.” I couldn’t ignore the command in her eyes.

“I couldn’t buckle the seat belt, okay? I’m just too fat to ride that one.” I said this all as fast as possible, in a whisper. No way did I want the others to hear, and I was also worried about tearing up again. I refused to ruin this day for anyone else. Alexis looked at me with pity. I hated that look. “Come on, Alexis, let’s just ride the carousel. If you start feeling sorry for me, the rest of them will figure out what’s going on. Act normal, and we’ll talk later, okay?”

Luckily for me, Alexis agreed, and pushed open the gate that led to the line for the ride.

The rest of the day went smoothly. I fit on all the other rides, and by the time we were leaving at 10 PM, the rest of the group (minus Alexis) had completely forgotten the whole roller coaster fiasco. I managed to avoid buying ice cream when the rest of them wanted to go into the parlor. I knew none of them would think badly of me if I got it. They were good friends, and kind people. But I was still feeling guilty and upset about not being able to fit into the best coaster in the park. Instead of a hot fudge sundae, I got a glass of Diet Coke. All in all, the day had been fun. I was happy to be sitting though, after a day of walking all over the park. To be sitting with one of my best friends, and some other really great people was even better. School started on Monday, and I knew I would have a great support group to get through my senior year. Senior year. Bring it on.