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an excerpt

Introduction
Have you ever lost touch with your old best friend? The person you first got drunk with, cried over your first true love with? Life got busy and the present became priority over keeping in touch with the past. Ever wondered what happened to that old friend?
It was over forty-five years ago that I lost touch with a very dear friend of mine from high school. Her last name I will keep confidential for now we’ll just call her “Lucy”. She was in fact my best friend. I remember us as being pretty much inseparable - kind of a “Mutt and Jeff” pair. She had light brown hair, was tall and larger boned than I (a characterization that Lucy would have taken offense to in high school). I was blonde and short. I remember Lucy as being sensitive about her height and looks. I remember that she was at times concerned about her attractiveness to boys and other times she claimed she didn’t care.
Lucy was a year older than I. We’d met at a girl’s boarding school in New York State where Lucy attended until she graduated. I had left two years prior to graduation due to an incident that had gotten me suspended. I was later invited to re-attend but took offense to the hypocrisy of the administration and refused to return. I’ve always been somewhat of a “rule breaker as well as an advocate for social justice. From the first time I defended my stepmother from the abuse of my six foot tall stepfather at age nine, to arguing with the high school administration, to the time that I stood in front of a judge and read from Patrick Henry’s speech “Give Me Liberty, Give Me Death” ( a distant relative of mine) when I‘d been arrested while demonstrating with Abby Hoffman, and presently as a youth advocate for the rights of disadvantaged youth in the small rural community of Whitefish, Montana where I currently reside.
Yes. I’ve thought of Lucy consistently over the past forty-five years – but never took any action. I would have been called a hippie (and was by my stepfather) in the seventies and staying in touch with the few acquaintances that I’d made in high school through the alumnae association was not my style. I became immediately entrenched in young adult hood. After boarding school, I transferred to the public high school in Torrance, California where my father and stepmother lived and graduated a year early so I could get the heck out as fast as I could.
Through all the years, I’ve always wondered what had become of my friend Lucy. I’d always loved her like a sister and a friend; admired her, knew she’d probably gone on to live a very exciting, prominent life (she was the daughter of a New England Senator). I knew she’d gone on to attend George Washington University, studying Communications or Business or something like that, but I often wondered what her life was like; where she was working and in what city. You never forget the ones you love; those that have made an impression upon you; those that have touched you in some memorable way. It’s interesting what a small world we live in; how very coincidental life is and how connected all of our lives really are – even when we think they’re not.
That’s what this story is about. It’s about how everyone that we meet matters. It’s about friends and acquaintances and how our lives are always connected; and it’s about family and the human dilemma. I believe we are a world connected and that with God there are no coincidences.
Chapter One-
One day, I was working at the computer and I thought of Lucy again, as I had many times before. I looked at the Google box and decided to type in her name. I hit “enter” and waited to see what would come up. Right away, almost a page of entries connected with the name came up in the results. I chose one and hit the link.
It was a link having to do with an art critique from the Tokyo Times written by someone with the same name as my friend. I wondered what the chances would be that this would be my Lucy? I thought, “What do I have to lose?”, and hit the link. The e-mail box popped up and I wrote a short note, “I am looking for an old friend of mine from high school that I went to boarding school with in the early 70’s.” I gave my maiden name and then hit “send”. What the heck? At least it’s a shot in the dark. I was tired of not knowing after all these years. I knew I might get back nothing for my efforts. I might also get some stranger’s reply to my query saying, “Sorry! Not me!” And so I waited. I waited for days not really expecting anything.
I was in Washington, D.C. about a week later, receiving an award from Colin and Alma Powell’s organization, “America’s Promise” as Whitefish had been nominated one of the 100 Best Communities for Youth because of the work that I and my organization have been doing for the past two years to provide asset-building opportunities for disadvantaged youth. Work, by the way, that has not won me any favor with the local city. They don’t want to spend city dollars supporting underprivileged youth, much less poor anybody. It’s a white, upper middle class town looking to make it nicer for the affluent that can afford it. After years of being a rabble rouser I’ve learned that you just have to do what you have to do and that you don’t do it for the gratitude that it gains you – you do it for the kids and because you have to. My motto is, “It takes a small group of concerned citizens to change the world. Indeed it always has” – Margaret Mead.
What an amazing city Washington, D.C. is. Being a small town girl (I can call myself that now, even though I was born in NYC, because I’ve lived here in the Flathead Valley, with the exception of a short stint in Seattle and one in Manhattan, for over 30 years now) the intensity of that city hit me like a brick, as soon as I got off the plane. Driving through the city and seeing the Washington Monument, the Office of Engraving, the Press Building and of course the Whitehouse is quite arresting when one spends most of one’s time surrounded by lakes and mountains. “Where have I been?”, I thought to myself?, as the van pulled into the hotel in the heart of downtown. Not like I don’t ever get out, but D.C. really is in a class of its own and it had been years since I’d visited as a child.
I checked into my room, threw my bags on the floor and checked my inbox on my laptop. There was a response from the “Lucy” that I’d e-mailed a week earlier. “Hi Laura!! Yes, it's me!!”, said Lucy, “I'm so glad to hear from you. How did you know my email address? Where are you living? What are you doing? Are you married? Do you have children, etc. etc.” I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe I’d actually found my old friend, Lucy, finally, after all these years. It felt like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one. I’d found a missing link.
She went on to tell me the very short version of her life. That she’d gotten most of her “naughty streak“ out of her system at EW, but that she too had always followed a "different" path. She had been living in Japan since the early 80s, first in Kyoto and then in Tokyo since 1984. She had been working there as a photojournalist for about ten years. She’d married in 1989 to a Japanese man and had three children by him. The eldest was a boy of fifteen years, in the middle, a daughter who was fourteen, and the youngest, a ten year-old girl. She had also worked as a writer off and on from the 90s and since about 2003 had been working as a fulltime arts writer covering the arts scene in Japan. She had separated from her husband last year and was currently going through a very difficult divorce.” Needless to say her life had been interesting. “I’d love to hear from you!”, she ended the e-mail and signed it “yours always”.
I e-mailed her back. “I am in D.C right now,” which seemed awfully coincidental, ”for a forum concerning the work that I have been doing for the last two years, providing programs for disadvantaged and at-risk youth. I am developing a program now which will enable youth to go to foreign countries to help other disadvantaged youth. I've been thinking about projects that could be done in Japan, since I got back in contact with you. I'd like the kids to work at one of the many orphanages there. Perhaps you will know of some opportunities- we'll talk more. I've also been working on a trip to South Africa that would enable disadvantaged youth to work with youth that have lost their parents to aids and am finishing up a grant this week to do so.

I've learned how to write grants out of necessity and I do the youth advocacy work out of a passion to do so (strictly volunteer work) but have been a professional artist for thirty years. Funny that you are corresponding about art! My son lived in Tokyo for six months after high school; his graduation gift from me. He's always been in love with Japan and his majors are film and Japanese. He speaks the language fairly well for the amount of time he's spent studying it. He's not in college right now but working in Seattle for a small independent film company. He's struggled with depression for a couple of years but seems to be doing well at the moment. We're very close so I spend quite a bit of time going over there to be with him and we talk a lot over the phone as well.

I have a stepdaughter that’s twenty-three, my son's twenty-one; I have a nineteen year-old daughter that has a baby (yes, I'm a grandmother!); and I have an eight year-old! I've been married twice. I've been legally separated for three and a half years and I have been no foreigner to trouble myself (we have lots to catch up on)! I think I've settled down quite a bit. I love to write and own a bed and breakfast where I live that I manage and market.

I'll send a photo along with this too. The photo was taken last summer and Amy is an old girlfriend of Alex's that's not in the picture (so to speak) anymore but it will give you an idea of who the clan is! From left to right: me, Amy, Alex, Christy (Jim's daughter), Mary (Jim's ex-wife and Katie’s godmother) Katie, Jim (my significant other) and Sarah. You must come to Whitefish! It's beautiful- five miles from the Canadian border and a half hour from Glacier National Park...AND...I must come there! If there's an opportunity to work with my kids there I might have Alex come and film the project. He's wanting very much to go back to Japan with me.

I left a message on the mobile number you gave me and tried your home phone with no luck. Is there a good time to call?”, signed, “Love, LB”.
That was October 17th and by October 23rd I still had not heard back from her so I fired off another e-mail, “Anxious to hear back from you...LB” and typed “Are you out there?”, in the subject line, obviously anxious to hear back from my old friend again.
By the 26th I received a short reply saying she’d not gotten my last e-mail and asking me to recompose it and send it to her. I wrote back:
“So good to hear back from you. I was feeling sad that maybe even though I'd finally gotten in touch with you again that I wouldn't ever hear back from you...THAT would have been a horrible tease!” I gave her my contact numbers and explained that I was much more readily available by cell phone. “I wish I could see your smile right now. Can you send a recent photo? Jim is my second husband (which was a lie but I didn’t count the first two because “four” marriages sounded so bad!!). Katie is our daughter together and yes, I was forty-two when I had her. I kept healthy so I had a great pregnancy. I ran until two days before she was born. Wow! Just realized that there is SO much that has passed since we last saw each other! Funny, I've stopped several times in recollecting, realizing that you don't know anything about my life since 1972?!!!

I was diagnosed with MS when I was nineteen. Because of my determination not to let that consume me, I travelled the country searching for alternative information on the disease (remember what a vagabond I was even at a young age?). I overcame MS and became quite the lay alternative health expert. I abused my health terribly though after that with drugs but escaped with my life and my health (such as it was) by the skin of my teeth around ten years ago. Talk about a "wild woman"....

I had two relationships with women then settled down to marry a man. Went back to New York City once to work for Tiffany's in their custom design department and then with a small designer in Soho and once to Seattle to start my own business working for custom jewelry stores on the northwest coast. It was challenging with kids. My divorce was AWFUL. MY ex is a total control freak and literally tried to destroy my life. I moved back to Montana so that I could jointly raise them with him because I thought it was best for the kids.

After ten years of being divorced after my first marriage I settled myself down and married Jim for three reasons (had to rationalize it) - he was good in bed, a good dancer and he had a steady job. Brilliant thinking… I've stayed married. Although we’ve been legally separated for three and a half years because we could never bring ourselves to go through the divorce! He's a great Dad and I already had raised two children as a single parent (sucked) in a small, think-inside-the-box town for ten years. Jim is a contractor – nice body, good looking, good father, not a very complicated guy but has a great sense of humor. My daughter and my work are my life. I do a lot of writing (mostly grant but some recreational). People keep pushing me towards a career in politics and I vacillate between that and becoming a hermit.

I have slides and portfolios full of my work but not digital and a meager web site at www.blankenshipart.com. I can scan more and send when I get home. You'd probably enjoy looking at them. It's a very old traditional art (hand engraving and gold inlay). I paint for pleasure. It would be fun to talk about art and I'd love to come to Japan knowing your interest in art there. I had a very interesting career as an artist in this country. Worked for some famous collectors, businesses and such. I say "had" because I've been "retired" from the art field for two years doing the advocacy work but would do it again to raise funds for my cause.

Did you write the book about Old Tokyo? I saw it on Amazon. I have a ticket on United if United flies to Tokyo and would love to use it to come visit if you ever had the time. Alex has told me about a film school back there he’s interested in (can't remember the name right now) but needs to improve his language skills before he does that. He's applying to U. of Washington right now.

I truly am interested in pursuing Japan for the youth I work with but think a conversation in person might be better so that I can present you with a more accurate presentation of my goals. I want to write a book someday about the experiences of kids helping other kids.

My mother is doing well. She went through a grueling life with Al, finally divorced him when brother John was about ten years old. All of us kids were affected by his abuse. No one else but me will talk about it though which has caused many problems between myself and my siblings. Mom remarried a couple of years later to someone just a bit better. He died last January. She lives in Albuquerque now and I am actually flying there today to get some R&R and help her with some paperwork and other odds and ends. I'll be there until Monday night. Call me if you want. I'll take Katie to school this morning then head to the gym and then home to pack. We can chat a bit. I know the time difference makes it challenging but as I remember, the morning or late evening is good? Right? Yours back, LB.”

I left for Albuquerque later that day. I’d spent several weeks there this summer had decided to return again and help her get caught up withthings.With Paul gone, it was much easier to enjoy the time together.
“Albuquerque is beautiful...”, I wrote Lucy the next day, “the moon is huge this week and apparently the closest it will be for hundreds of years, again, to the earth. The morning sunrises are lovely - the evenings warm. Mom and I just went for a walk at the foot of the San Andia Mountains. Going to help her with some work that she needs done around here but tonight it's Cosmopolitans with the girls (mom and some other girlfriends of mine). I drink much less than I used to. This weekend it will be a little more than usual! Usually I stick to wine one night a week. This weekend is an exception!
BTW, the school Alex wants to go to is Tokyo Film Art Institute? Are you familiar with it? Love, LB”.
It truly was a great four days with my mother and friends. I helped Mom clean the camper and sell it, did some work on the computer for her, photographed some paintings to sell and winterized the garden. Every morning we’d get up and have our coffee in the living room facing the mountains, I’d do the crossword puzzle (thinking about how much I needed to stimulate new brain cell growth), Mom would read the newspaper, then I’d go out at night with the girl friends and proceed to destroy a few brain cells. Then we’d do it all over again the next day! Sometimes in the evening Mom and I would watch a movie in her bed and laugh over how the two of us had the worst memory, as one of us would say, “Isn’t that what’s her name?” about some actress, and the other would respond with something like, “Is she the one that’s married to what’s his name?”. In the last six months I felt a wonderful intimacy that I’d longed for with my mother but never had. She had always been so busy raising babies or recovering from abusive relationships. I was also beginning to realize what it meant to care for an older parent.
Pam and Kate, my girlfriends from Albuquerque, are quite the pair. Pam drinks too much and Kate’s a nympho that always has to be the center of attention wherever she goes. Both of them are going through divorces. “Sistaz Southwest”, as we call ourselves, always have a great time when we get together. This past summer was spent sitting outside most every evening, usually on Kate’s front porch, while all of our kids played together in the cul de sac and we drank wine. It was a memorable summer – motorcycle rides from young Hispanic men, exotic nights in Sante Fe and way too much wine! “Sistaz Southwest” has it’s “Sistaz West” counterpart, which is just as wild. We usually gather somewhere in the area of Livingston, Montana. More about that later!
Chapter Two-
On November 1st, there was a long-awaited e-mail reply from Lucy.
“Dear Laura:
Please forgive me for being so slow corresponding. I've been overwhelmed with work these days -- lots of great stuff but extraordinarily time consuming -- and also going through a very tough time with my divorce proceedings. Yesterday I fired my lawyer and I'm now making arrangements with a new lawyer to take over my case.
I just spoke with my friend Donald Richie, (who's the world's eminent scholar on Japanese film and he had a few thoughts about Alex and his interest in pursuing film study in Japan.
-- Film schools in Japan only teach in Japanese so Alex's Japanese language level would have to be good to excellent.
-- He said he hadn't heard of the Tokyo Film Art Institute and said there are many film schools in Japan.
-- The schools are highly technical and commercial. They would teach him how to use a camera and all the tech-related aspects, but little on the creative aesthetic side.
-- He said what Alex would get most out of going to a film school here are the contacts and experience of working in Japan. That he wouldn't get all that much out of the film courses alone.
-- I asked him about film schools in the States and he recommends NYU for a good all around film education. Also Univ. of Southern California in L.A. (where my nephew goes but not in the film program) and Univ. of Calif. in Berkeley and L.A.
-- He said most universities in the U.S. have some sort of film program but they usually cater to one area. It depends upon what Alex's interests are: technician, director, producer, critic?
-- It would make sense for Alex to first get accepted into a school like NYU with an all around good film program and arrange for a study abroad and transferable credits if possible.
-- In Japan there is this terrific "Monbukagakusho" scholarship offered by the Japan government (www.studyjapan.go.jp/en/toj/toj0302e.html). He could apply through the Japanese Embassy in the U.S. He could get some funding for his stay here and possibly transferable credits to his U.S.
university. I know several foreign artists who got scholarships through this program and it helped launch their careers here. Not sure if he has to be enrolled in a university or not.
-- If he doesn't want to go through the scholarship program or a U.S. university program, and just wants to give it a try on his own, some important questions about the film school in Japan would include: 1) Do they have a history of accepting students from outside of Japan. 2) Do they offer a proper student visa that will allow him to stay in Japan for at least a year? Getting the right visa is really important. 3) Could he get credits transferred to a U.S. university?
-- It's expensive to live in Tokyo. He'd probably need about US$800-$1,000/month with rent and food. He might be able to find a part-time job but still it could be tough financially.

I would really, really encourage him to come to live and work in Japan. I'd be delighted to help in any way I can. But if he comes with some sort of academic or scholarship program backing him that would make it all much more worthwhile for him and he'd enjoy it more.

It's good to read that you've been able to spend time with your mother. I've thought about her over the years, remembering so well when you revealed to me that she was often physically abused by your stepfather.” Not the one that had recently passed away but the husband before that.”I remember being shocked to hear this from you at the time -- at our tender age of 14. I ended up marrying someone who was also very abusive. It was terrible verbal and written abuse for many years and then slowly turned into physical abuse. He broke my arm a few years back. Finally after a beating in June '06 I decided I'd had enough and then planned my move. I was planning to live with my children and moved all their furniture along with mine into my new apartment but the children ended up refusing to live with me and said they would wait for me to return to our house and that I "needed to apologize to them and their father." Of course I couldn't return. I apologized to my children and my in-laws who live next door (much of the cause of our problems) but refused to apologize to my husband. With that he basically kicked me out of the
family (I'm not allowed to enter my house) and he and his parents have since done a terrific job of brainwashing my children. Although I'd been essentially the sole caretaker of my children -- he was always too busy with work and a seemingly endless stream of girlfriends -- my
children now refuse to see me. I miss them terribly as you can imagine and have tried my best over the past year to reunite with them but it's been impossible as long as they are under his and his parent's influence. It's all incredibly sad how it's turned out. So far, the courts here are not helping me in any significant way. My lawyers have been incompetent. So I've finally decided to get tough and have hired a famous litigation lawyer. The evidence I have against this man is significant and he obviously doesn't "get it." So far I've been hesitant to use it, afraid that it would completely destroy my relationship with my children. But at this point I have no relationship with them and have finally realized that the only way to get through to this guy is to threaten him with legal and social exposure. He has a lot to lose in reputation -- his biggest concern.

Of course my biggest concern is my children. I know they are suffering for all of this in more ways than they or I realize at this point. But I was so worried how they would end up managing emotionally with a father who beats their mother. The worst lesson I could teach them is that this sort of behavior had to be endured. It's the Japanese way and I've heard that domestic violence is rampant here. You wrote that you and your siblings were really affected by this and still do not speak about it. Do you have any suggestions or advice on how I could deal with this situation? How do I handle my children?

Looking forward to hearing from you and will try to be better about responding more quickly.

Yours, Lucy”.
I needed some time to contemplate my response and decided I’d write her back in the morning. “Dear Lucy,” I started after pouring a cup of coffee at 5:30 the next morning. “Thank you for looking in to the film situation for Alex. I realize you are busy. I’ve forwarded the info on to Alex.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation with your divorce and the kids. I can be of comfort and help to you in this matter as I went through a VERY similar situation with the ex-husband and father of my two older children. I went through abuse with him (mostly emotional, thank God) but at the end more violent when I tried to leave. I planned on leaving (the kids were young - three and one) but he found out and kept them from me, claiming I was an unfit mother. In Montana, unfortunately in those days, you were guilty until proven innocent. I didn't see them for almost six months, and then only with supervision until one and a half years later when I was proven innocent of the charges. I bargained with him for primary custody, but only after paying him $40,000 in blackmail money and back child support.
I came close to taking my life at that time and I didn't have a very aggressive lawyer. My advise is “get one”. My mother went through a worse situation than I did with Alfons. Her advice to me is the same that I can only now give you - that the children will understand when they get older (difficult advice for me to swallow at the time) but advice I found indeed to be true.

“And this too shall pass” Lucy, but for now, you must be strong, and be true to yourself. This will be their battle to fight also, unfortunately, but such is fate...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I always say, and so it has been with me.

Funny we share this situation in common. I never would have thought...

I'd love to come visit if there's time in your busy life. I might be of some comfort for you to talk to having been through all this. There’s nothing worse than being separated from your children (except being abused yourself – an issue I've taken my whole life to overcome but have done well with now I believe).

As to your children - 1) Get the best lawyer you can and take his advice (if you trust him), 2) Once you can talk to the children, give them kind words of love and tenderness from your heart (try never to speak badly about their father or his family), 3) Be patient because someday you will be able to speak the truth to them, 4) Be smarter than he is and don't let it awaken your "dark side". Think of this as an opportunity to get stronger. Be the example to your children that you want them to learn from. Get on with your life. God is protecting them- they'll be o.k. and they won’t forget you and will always love you.

Hope this little bit of advice helps. Perhaps I can be a source of strength for you - even though we haven't seen each other in so many years! Love to talk in person someday.

Now that I know your situation a little better I will be more patient for your responses! I am just so excited to have found you! Tell me more of your current project at work if you have time - I'd love to hear. Love, LB”.
This time, Lucy wrote back within two days.
“Hi Laura:

Thanks so much for your comforting advice. You've really helped me.
I'm so sorry to hear what a tough time you had in the Montana courts.
Thank God you were able to get your children back when they were
still small. I can now fully understand what a painful process it
must have been. I've been advised, along with finding a strong
lawyer, to simply be patient. That my soon to be ex-husband is
basically falling apart right now and his bad behavior is now
catching up to him. Yes, I've learned through this that there is
nothing worse than being separated from one's children. I appreciate
them more than ever and worry about them every day. When my littlest
one said she didn't want to see me anymore in September I also
seriously considered taking my life. I thought I'd go crazy. But
fortunately my family in the States kept me grounded. Someone called
me about every three days. Thank goodness I have such a loving
family. I do have faith that my children will understand when they
get older but it really saddens me to think that this will take
years. Already a year has passed that I have not been able to be a
part of their daily lives. The two older ones are in the middle of
their teenage years and my youngest is still only 10. I wonder and
worry about how they are facing all their many challenges. I guess I
simply have to have faith that with the help of some higher power,
they will be alright.

My work has been exciting and fulfilling. I've poured my energy into
this and it's helped keep my mind off the pain I've been experiencing
with my children. I write regularly for the Bloomberg News-Muse
webpage about art-related topics in Japan (www.bloomberg.com/news/
muse/). My stories will appear as a list and you can click on these to read the full
story. I also write for major publications like Artforum, ArtNEWS,
Asian Art News and many others and I have a weekly art column for a
local popular magazine called Tokyo Metropolis (http://
metropolis.co.jp/) I just finished an important story for Architectural Digest which will come out in their January
2008 issue.

In the 80s I was working my butt off as a photojournalist and had
established a good reputation for myself, shooting for high-profile
publications like the NY Times, Forbes, Fortune, Newsweek, Time. I'm
in the book "A Day in the Life of Japan." And I published several
books including a popular guide book to Kyoto called "Old Kyoto-A
Guide to Traditional Shops and Restaurants." Got burned out after 10
years of doing this and was ready to move to Australia to start a new
life when I met in Tokyo my now soon-to-be-ex. He was living in NYC
at the time so I moved there to live with him. We returned to Tokyo
in '89 and got married that year both in San Francisco and a resort-
like town near Tokyo. I stopped working and went to school to learn
Japanese properly -- with mixed results. Also concentrated on trying
to get pregnant and start a family. Had a very tough time and finally
learned I had a bad case of endometriosis. After about two and a half years of
intensive Eastern medicine (acupuncture, kanpoyaku, etc.), lots of
doctor's visits and two surgeries, I was able to get pregnant. The
pregnancy cleared up the endometriosis so I was able to get pregnant
again fairly easily. So I now also know what it feels like for women
who are not able to conceive. It's very, very tough.

While my two older kids were little I began writing for some local
publications and then published a small "alternative" health
magazine for about three years. After my youngest was born, with three kids I
just got too busy. Schools here are very demanding and require so
much from the moms. So I concentrated completely on the kids and
their busy lives with schools and friends. The language and cultural
challenges were huge. My soon-to-be-ex concentrated on his career and
in typical Japanese fashion was very hands-off with the children. I
was pretty much a single parent and with no immediate family close by
it wasn't easy at times. I also had to deal with his parents which
was always a challenge because he has such a strange co-dependent
relationship with his mother -- a kind of mother complex. Fortunately
he was making a good salary so I didn't have financial worries. But
the price we pay for comfort!

Anyway, that's the background. I know I made a lot of mistakes in my
marriage and certainly cannot blame it all on him. We had some happy
times of course. And I have to say we both tried our best at the
beginning to make it work. But as the years passed his bad behavior,
abuse and violence just got out of control. If I hadn't left him I'd
have ended up in a hospital very sick, either emotionally or
physically or both.

So, overall I am much better these days. Getting back to the strong
and independent person I was before I met him. Interestingly the
crisis has reunited my family and we're feeling closer than ever. In
a funny way it's been a kind of a gift and I feel very grateful for
this. My father and I always had a bit of a strained relationship so
this newly communicated love and respect is a first and precious
outcome. Also without kids I've been able to plant myself within the
art community here and establish a good reputation and career as a
writer. Work opportunities are now coming to me regularly. So I am
taking the good with the bad and trying to see it as an opportunity
rather than a complete disaster. I have so much to be grateful for.

After you left boarding school, I can't remember where you lived or
where you went to school. Where did you go to university? How did you
end up moving to Montana? Please tell me more about your work. How,
why and when did you start working at the community center?
Still a bit confused about your children. Who is living with you now?

It would be wonderful if you could come for a visit to Japan with
Alex. As I suggested in my last email, it would be best if Alex could
set himself up with some sort of a scholarship program like the one
through the Japanese government or a study abroad program through a
university or college in the States before he comes. You wrote that
he was thinking about going to Univ. of Washington in Seattle. As a
freshman? Does he have any college credits so far? Rather than Univ.
of Wash., I'd encourage him to go to a school with a strong film
program. When I lived briefly in NYC in '88-'89 I took a great course
at the New York University film school, the school that Donald Richie
suggested. The course was part of their continuing education program
and I'm pretty sure I could have accumulated credits towards a
degree. It's probably a good foot-in-the-door way, so to speak, to
apply to enter the undergraduate or graduate programs. Taking a
course like this might be a way for him to slowly acclimate to the
school if he was interested in applying to the undergrad film
program. Although NYC can be overwhelming, NYU is in Greenwich
Village, a fairly low-key part of the city and student friendly. He
could also continue taking courses in Japanese language. The Japan
Society of New York is very strong and they have all kinds of great
events -- including film programs. I'm not sure about the NYU tuition
though...

You would both be more than welcome to stay here with me when you
come. I have two small bedrooms and a comfortable couch!

Looking forward to hearing from you. Lucy”.
Chapter Three-
“Dear Lucy-
I have so been enjoying our correspondences. I've been saving them and have started journaling in between them. Not only has it been so good to reconnect with an old friend but the parallels between our lives are fascinating. I have been writing about family, friends, life and it’s challenges – abuse, relationships, depression, recovery.

I am glad that I can be here to give you some support. It was horrible when I went through it and had very little support. My mother has been wonderful to me over the years and we have been even closer in the last six months since my stepfather's death. I go down every few months to Albuquerque. I do love to travel though and trade my B&B for other homes, through a home exchange program that I belong to. We are going to Kauai in March for Spring break. You are welcome to come while we are there if you'd like. I would imagine that the trip is not far for you.

I think I'd like to come to Japan first without Alex so that we could spend lots of time catching up. When would be a good time for me to visit? I would be so fun to talk art together too. I think you'd be interested in the work I've done for most of my life - engraving and gold inlay. I have extensive portfolios that I could bring with me. Did you check out my web site at www.blankenshipart.com? There is only one engraving photo so I'll post more this week and let you know when they're up. As I mentioned, I had a very interesting career doing commissioned work for various collectors, Presidents, and company’s such as Tiffany's and stores in NYC. I wonder if we were there the same years? I worked in NY at the very beginning of my divorce about 27 years ago.

I know that the time spent apart from your children seems overwhelming, but trust me if you stay in contact in whatever way possible, create closeness anyway you can ( I used to send imaginary friends through the phone lines with my youngest who was three at the time) the time will pass more quickly. I can't believe that my children are grown now (19 and 21) and that those horrible times seem long in the past. Every time I see him (he recently moved, with his second wife since me, to my community) the past with him haunts me. He has a dark soul.

I LOVE hearing about your work. Sounds like you too have developed an amazing talent that has taken you to such interesting places. Can't wait to see more of your work. I saw the book on Old Japan and think I'll buy it on Amazon. You must sign it when I come to Japan. I think it might be interesting to write a book together about our common interests in art, friendship, and the experience we have had as professionals dealing with abuse, divorce and separation from our children.

I do want to speak with you about an opportunity to work with disadvantaged youth in Japan. Probably a better subject to discuss in person. I have recently gotten another grant to continue my work and am finishing up another one this week. I will also research the links you have sent me and look forward to reading more of your work.

After I left boarding school I moved to L.A. to finish high school. Remember I got kicked out for hitch hiking?! I hated high school there (very boring after Emma!) So i asked the counselors if I could go to college at night and apply my credits to finish high school early. Consequently, I graduated a year early at the tender age of fifteen! My father and step-mother also had a very volatile relationship. My father was never at home and so I ended up caring for my three younger brothers. Needless to say, when I graduated from high school I was ready to move out. I had decided on a career in pre-law. I'd applied to Yale, Ohai, and Rocky Mountain College, a small school in Montana. I decided on RMC and moved to the mid-west.

I did well in pre-law but realized soon after that being a law had nothing to do with being "just" so I dropped out of school, got a job in a bank, and after getting a good taste of the blue collar life and some deep soul searching, switched my degree to art and went back to another Montana University in Billings. Tiring of the "urban" Montana lifestyle moved back to L.A., entered a program at C.S.U. where a small program had been started by a group of Parsons graduates and graduated with a major in Fine art and a minor in Design. I went on to U.C.L.A. but soon realized that was a waste of time and money and so I moved back east where my mother was living alone again adz started a career as a commercial potter. It was a very laid back lifestyle and a soon got bored. I friend encouraged me to try my hand at hand engraving and so I found the only program in the country was at a small school on the border of Colorado and New Mexico in the tiny town of Raton.

That was an experience! Try being a rebel white girl (mind you the ONLY girl in a gunsmithing program) in a town of 300 Mexicans! Another short chapter of my life. While there I met a guest teacher that was looking for an apprentice engraver for a small school he was starting in Kalispell, Montana. I packed my bags gladly when I was finished with the program and traveled there on the bus ride of my life and lived there for six months, where I met the father of my two older children, a very famous custom period gunmaker.

Monte was going through a divorce at the time and so when I finished school I moved back east and continued my career, and experienced a bad drug period in my life. After Monte's divorce, he convinced me to move back to Montana and live with him. We had a very romantic relationship and a very successful career together until we had children, which is where we have had a coincidental parallel. Oddly enough, I found out I had endometriosis. During tests they found one tube completely useless and the other with several blockages. Apparently the dye opened some of the blockages in one tube and a year later I became pregnant. Alex was three months old when we decided to marry.

Children added alot of stress to our relationship though. Monte was very jealous of the attention that I paid to my children. The relationship went steadily downhill, abuse crept in and after being woken up one morning at gunpoint, I left with the children. Monte disappeared for awhile but then reappeared with a vengeance. More abuse ensued and then when I was preparing to move to NYC for a job working in the design department at Tiffany's. It was very tough on me being separated from the children and I made one move to Seattle before moving back
to Montana to be closer to the children after a very long battle over their custody It was both a horrible few years away from the children but also very exciting years of my career. I
gave up thought of having a very exciting life and decided to settle down with a man I'd been friends with for many years, my current husband Jim. We've had a very rocky marriage and have been separated twice and are currently legally separated although we live together. Katie is a wonderful part of our life together and we are good parents together.

It's Sunday and I have been writing for some time. Look forward to your next e-mail! Blessings and all the best to you.

Love, LB”.
November 5th I wrote:
“As I mentioned before, I've been logging our correspondences and journaling in between them.

Last night I read through all of what I'd written including all of our correspondence so far (sorry, I noticed lots of typos! I'm not very good at proofing before I send!) I noticed a few questions that you've asked that I have not responded to. You asked about how I started working for the community center and my work there. I've told you a little but not much.

First of all, I started the project with an advisory committee over two years ago and have served as the Executive Director since we officially became a 501C3.

I've discovered that 1) I hate positions of administration and 2) that it's very difficult to implement change within a community. I've become somewhat of a fundraiser and found that I like grant writing and that I do well with networking.

My involvement with youth started almost ten years ago after a very interesting experience after I got my traders license as a stock broker when Katie was months old...I'll save THAT story for another correspondence.

The community center project came out of an incident two and a half years ago when my daughter was stalked and accosted in our neighborhood one summer. She was never physically hurt but obviously was very emotionally upset over the incident. We never found the attacker but I decided that wasn't going to wait until someone opened an affordable community center (YMCA type place).

We still don't have a community center here (we have a very nice health club/center for wealthy community members) but through the years have developed after school programs for disadvantaged youth, served on the Youth Service Network, the Montana Afterschool Network, and developed valuable relations with state and legislative members as well as local incarceration programs.

I've learned lots, gained valuable relations with troubled youth in the community as well as churches and other non-profits. As you might imagine, funding is a huge challenge with this work. No one wants to give funds to help the "Bad" kids but no one blinks at spending millions to reform them. There is little funding nationwide for rural communities, which is why I work with organizations such as MSU to develop new rural initiatives.

Having a strained marriage, working ridiculously long hours, fighting a tough fight burned me out by the end of the last school year. I quit doing much of anything and ended after school programs when I couldn't physically raise funds anymore and took some time off.

Recently though I received two grants, went to D.C. because of this award that I received from America's Promise (Colin Powell's organization), and received renewed strength. I'm passionate about shifting the thinking of troubled kids and want to write a book about it someday.

I'm trying to finish another grant by Tuesday (that's tomorrow!) and will meet next week with an organization that has a project in South America that I might be able to work with.

I need to partner with other organizations. Chip away at it slowly. I've stopped my "paying" work and need to get back to something fruitful so that I can become independent from my husband's income. I'm trying. I market our B&B but it's slow going and just dribbles in a little income for me. I'm considering going back to school to get a masters degree in psychology.

I'd like to get Alex involved in doing a documentary with me...
I'm still a dreamer Lucy...and don't think I'll ever change. Do you remember me that way? What do you remember about me?

Love, LB”.

It’s been slow going with the youth advocacy work that I’ve been involved with in my community. When you live in a white middle class community in rural Montana most won’t even acknowledge that poverty is an issue in your community, even when statistics show that over 30% of your community’s youth are living in poverty. So how do you begin implementing change?

That has been my challenge for the last three years – advocating asset development for underprivileged youth here in Whitefish with all it’s “white bread thinking, “send ‘em to the next town” attitude, and the “I give at my church” notion of giving.

Local churches and people with big hearts have become my source for change and avenue for encouragement. With the help national organizations such as America’s Promise and the Search Institute we will succeed in changing our community and putting assets into action. To read more about “asset development” go to www.searchinstitute.org.

There are youth at-risk in the community – youth without healthy adult mentors in their lives, youth without safe places to go, youth without healthy starts (insurance, proper medical care and nutrition), youth with ineffective education, youth without volunteer opportunities – these are the “five promises” that America’s Promise promotes for all youth. To read more, visit www.americaspromise.org.

“Would there be a good time to talk together on the phone? I'd like to pick your brain about this project/documentary that I'd like to do in Japan with kids. LB”, I wrote on November 6th.

Lucy wrote back, “Sure. That would be great. Are you in the same time zone as Chicago? If so, there's now 15 hours difference. I can call you at around YOUR 5:00pm Sat. or about 10:00pm Sat. Depends upon the time difference...

Yours, Lucy”.

I informed her we are on CST, an hour earlier than Chicago and said, “So that would mean we're 14 hours difference? Either Saturday morning or evening work for me. I am an early riser (that's when I do most of my correspondence and writing - it's quiet and I can work undisturbed! Whichever time works best for you that day - just let me know. I'll look forward to talking with you! Hope you're having a good week. LB”.

I am looking forward to our conversation and hope to explore opportunities to bring youth together in our countries together…as well as spending time with Lucy, discovering more about Japan and researching opportunities for a documentary and another book!

We decided I’d call her on Saturday morning at 7 a.m. Montana time. It will indeed be a long awaited for conversation.

I’ve just finished another writing another grant - two long grueling days completing the applications. I’m hoping this one will help us to develop programs for the critically at-risk youth in the community; youth completing middle school and getting ready to go into high school that have already been incarcerated or are exhibiting criminal behavior. These youth in our community are falling through the cracks and already on their way to becoming excommunicated from society. It is our hope that these programs will help shift their “criminal behavior” patterns to patterns of “asset behavior” thinking.

Chapter Four-

It was all I could do to wait until Saturday morning at 7 a.m. to speak with Lucy. I set the alarm on my cell phone as a reminder. Good thing too, as it was the alarm that woke me up that morning, later than usual. Had it not, I would have sadly slept through the opportunity.

I phoned Lucy at her house, where a young man informed me that that she was “out”. It was about fifteen minutes later that Lucy actually called me in Montana.

What a wonderful experience to hear her voice after all these years. She sounded a bit older and more distinguished but I imagined her face as we spoke and I pieced together a visual of the Lucy that I once had known. She didn’t want to speak of herself at first, only to hear me realy all the details of my children - their ages, what they were doing now, where they lived, etc.. It was not until halfway through the conversation that she began to lay out a map of her life, from her first experiences of college at George Washington University as a communications major, to the present, as a writer in Japan for radio and art. Her work can be seen in such publications as Art News, Art Forum, Bloomberg News, the Tokyo Metropolis and Architectural Digest.

She filled in all the gaps for me and we spoke for several hours about marriage, children, our work and reminisced over our old memories from boarding school. It was later in the conversation that I noticed her voice had softened, reminding me more of the friend I remembered. I believed that the faint awkwardness of our re-acquaintance had faded away and that we had become more like old friends again.

“Odd”, I mentioned to her, “that our lives have had so many parallels. “I don’t believe it’s more than a coincidence that we’ve found each other again, Lucy”, I said She asked me how living with abuse had affected my own life and the life of my brothers and sisters and also, how marrying my abusive first husband had affected my own children. “Unfortunately you and I have had to experience premature separation from our children due to abusive relationships, but it is the beginning of letting our children become responsible for their own lives. Ultimately, they must reconcile with themselves, though, and deal with their own demons. They will become responsible for how they individually deal with the abuse that they have experienced from their father and his family. The best you can do is love them and be honest with them, as they become mature enough to can handle it. The best thing, Lucy, is that you did was leave him. We must expose abuse for what it is. It’s dysfunctional thinking like this that has made this world what it is today. Lucy. Graduating from Harvard or having successful careers, Lucy, is not as important as connecting ourselves through the truth; that’s how healing begins. That is how we will change the future for our youth – the future of this nation”.

She agreed. We knew. Both of us are survivors of abuse. Both have birthed children from abusive relationships. As well educated women, artists, mothers and friends, we are responsible for breaking the chain of dysfunctional relationships so that we may improve the lives of our children from both of our countries. I believe this is the purpose of our reconnection.

While Lucy was studying at George Washington University, she worked for a developer as a photographer in Urban Planning. The work interested her and she ended up applying with the University of Washington’s, Master’s in Urban Planning Program. Just prior to that, she met an old friend that was heading to Asia for a time, and instead, she changed her plans to travel instead. Her trip ended up in Kyoto where she lived for two years teaching English conversation, like many other Americans.

In 1983 she took another extended trip to Asis for nine months and visited Hong Kong, Thailand, Nepal, India, with a final stop in China. Afterwards, she went back to Connecticut where she lived with her parents where she experienced an extreme case of culture shock.

Slowly recovering, she began photographing local events, and gradually developed a small business as an independent photographer. Longing for the Asian culture, she returned to Kyoto, where she attempted to make a living as an independent photographer but almost starved to death! Photojournalism proved to be a sustainable alternative. She built an admirable number of clients – Businessweek, the New York Times among others – over a period of about seven years.

Lucy had a girlfriend who had an apartment in Sydney, Australia at the time and was heading for opportunities in Australia, but met her husband, Kyotaka, at twenty-nine years of age. Lucy moved with him to New York where he had landed a job as a banker. While there they decided to marry until shortly after he was transferred back to Kyoto and she went with him.

Apparently, they led a very comfortable lifestyle. They fought a lot and made up a lot – making for a dramatic relationship early on. Japan, of course, is a very patriarchal society. Lucy’s husband was the revered CEO while Lucy was busy having and raising their three children.

As part of Japanese society, it is assumed that successful business men have affairs. So it was so with, Kyotaka. The condition worsened as did mentally abusive behavior until finally it became physical and ultimately unacceptable. Because of a childhood physical disability, Lucy’s husband became addicted to painkillers which exacerbated his personality disorders. Eventually when he became President of a very prestigious American company in Japan, conditions worsened, and Lucy was forced to move into an apartment in the suburbs of Tokyo in September of 2006.

Lucy was able to see her youngest daughter only. Her older children remained abusive to her, chastising her for abandoning their father. She has not been permitted by her husband and his parents to see her children since August of 2007. She’s fired two incompetent lawyers but recently hired an aggressive team with what she believes is a successful strategy to help her win her custody battle and finalize her divorce.

She’s reestablished her career as a writer and has great support from her friends and family. She continues to write stories and cover art events internationally. I’m planning a trip with myself and my eight-year old daughter to visit her in Tokyo and Lucy is helping me find a connection in Japan for developing projects between our countries with disadvantaged youth.

Lucy’s follow-up letter read,
“Hi Laura:
So absolutely great to talk with you on Saturday. Truly amazing that we've reconnected after 34 years!! People from the past come back into our lives for an important reason. I am sure this has happened to us.
I'd like to contact my friend that runs an NGO/NPO called People for Social Change (http://people-for-social-change.blogspot.com/) and also works as a consultant for NPOs and NGOs. She is such an inspiration.
But first could you please email me some details about the program for troubled kids you'd like to arrange in Japan. From your emails and our talk I have a basic understanding what you'd like to do. But it would be better if I had from you something concrete that I could show her. Do you have any kind of written proposal put together already? Or just put down your thoughts in organized form. This would make it easier for her to give us advice. She's incredibly busy and people are asking her favors for advice all the time. So it's better to be succinct and brief.
Thanks so much for the cute photos of you and Katie in Halloween costumes. Sorry I don't know about the anime artist Yoshitaka Amano. But I'm planning on doing a story about manga soon so perhaps I can find out.
Yours, Lucy”.
Manga (漫画?) I found, is the Japanese word for comic (sometimes also called komikku コミック) and print cartoons. In their modern form, manga date from shortly after World War II but have a long, complex history in earlier Japanese art. In Japan, manga are widely read by children and adults of all ages, so that a broad range of subjects and topics occur in manga, including action/adventure, romance, sports and games, historical drama, comedy, science fiction and fantasy, mystery, horror, sexuality, and business and commerce, among others. Since the 1950s, manga have steadily become a major part of the Japanese publishing industry, representing a 481 billion yen market in Japan in 2006 (approximately 4.4 billion dollars). Manga have also become increasingly popular worldwide. In 2006, the United States manga market was $175-200 million.
Manga are typically printed in black-and-white, although some full-color manga exist. In Japan, manga are usually serialized in telephone book-size manga magazines, often containing many stories each presented in a single episode to be continued in the next issue. If the series is successful, collected chapters may be republished in paperback books called tankōbon. A manga artist (mangaka in Japanese) typically works with a few assistants in a small studio and is associated with a creative editor from a commercial publishing company. If a manga series is popular enough, it may be animated after or even during its run. although sometimes manga are drawn centering on previously existing live-action or animated films (e.g. Star Wars).
I wrote back, “I too, so appreciated our conversation. It opens so many other questions and possibilities for me. I’ll elaborate in another letter. I want to get this e-mail off to you. I promised Katie to wake her early!
I am in the formative stages of the program. Finding specific project possibilities in Japan will help formulate the details specifically for the Japan project. I am working with the director of the Youth Restorative Justice Program here to establish details of the program on this end, establishment funding, as well as exploring opportunities with churches which have established missionary programs outside of the U.S.

Our goals, though, are to remove youth in grades 7/8 (12 or 13 years old) that are either beginning to display critically at-risk behavior (violence, use of drugs or alcohol, vandalizing, premature sexual relations, etc..), or those that have already been incarcerated, out of an enabling local environment, to one in which they are volunteering with other youth, in social, physical and emotional environments in hopes of shifting emotional processes from “at-risk” to “asset thinking” – supportive environments, personal empowerment, healthy boundaries, constructive use of personal time, positive values, social competency and positive values.
Through the creation of such a program it is our hope to 1) find greater support for critically at-risk youth in our community, 2) create greater support and funding for afterschool programs, and 3) develop effective programs for at-risk youth in rural Montana.
Does this help? I’ll be glad to provide more information if needed.
Love, LB”.
My conversation with Lucy had sparked new thoughts – what are her thoughts for her future? How does she feel about relationships after her failed marriage? What are her personal aspirations for the future? How does she view her life in retrospect?
We planned a visit in May that I will look forward to. I will look forward to spending a day in the life of “Lucy”. Today at spin class, Lynn, our instructor asked, “If you could invite three people to a dinner party, who would they be? When asked, I said, “Well, I guess I would ask what kind of a dinner party it would be…but all other considerations aside, I would ask Colin Powell, Sean Connery and Lance Armstrong…but thinking that it might be better balanced with the addition of at least one other female, I would invite my old best friend from high school in place of Colin Powell. And if I would ask her, then I would have to invite Johnny Depp, dressed as Jack Sparrow…in place of Sean Connery, I guess…That would be a tough call…”
I’m having coffee right now at our local coffee shop downtown (Whitefish has only two places downtown to have a sit-down latte during the day). I’ll be leaving shortly to pick up my eight-year old from school. I’ve spent the majority of the day fending off IRS agents that want the tax money that it costs to run afterschool programs which we can’t afford to hold any longer due to the amount of taxes that we have to pay for insurance, workers comp, etc. and gaining support for programs for at-risk.
It seems like a lonely path that I have chosen. Often times it feels like it does on days like today – cold, desolate and forlorn. Tomorrow it will feel different. How I choose to end this day will be mine. What do we do with the feelings of aloneness and the path we have chosen when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That remains to be seen on this day.