Excerpt: Enigma

Kira picked up the braid of sweetgrass and her orange lighter. She flicked the flame on and just stared into the flame of the lighter for a very long time. She didn't have any comfort. She place the tip of the braid of sweetgrass into the fire and watched it smolder and a trail of smoke light up. To her it smelled like toasted marshmallows. Tears streaming down her face. She watched the smoke rise up. Kira said outloud, "What is wrong with me?" Moments switch to complete frozen numbness to rivers pouring down her eyes. She hated grief. The way it takes over you and strangles your entire bearing. Tearing her into pieces. Ripping her soul to pieces. She hated grief hated the way it tore into her life. Raping her mind and heart. Feeling like she could do nothing to stop it. She didn't want to feel it. She wanted to turn back the time and change what happened. If only.... If only things were different. How could she not see the signs? How could she be so blind? How could she trust that he was taken care of when clearly he was not. The last time she saw him he was smiling and laughing like he usually does. His mask to cover the pain apparently. It haunted her as she came back to her home after the funeral and she played the messages and she discovered an older message with Sam's voice still on it. Smiling and laughing on the recording, lies all lies. She wanted to grab the answering machine to smash it! But that was the only recording of his voice she had left. She played the message over and over again as if it some how could summon him back to life. It mocked her. He was gone. She was not able to hold it together. Another wave of tears came crashing over her. She fell to her knees as the smudge smoke washed over her trying to purify her soul. This was a cruel joke.