Excerpt: The Grand Advisor's Wars

My Little Guide to Necromancy

Welcome to the wonderful world of Necromancy!

Q & A

What is Necromancy?

Necromancy is, in the simplest words, the art of raising the souls of the dead. It is animating corpses and bending the undead to your will with the use of unholy magiks.

Isn’t that a sin?

Why yes, yes it is.

Then why do it?

Undead minion who never tire at your beck and call? An army that cannot die and the power to raise your fallen enemies as your own servant? Holding sway over life and death? Why wouldn’t you want to do it.
…Although the smell does take some getting use to.

Wait-don’t Shamans summon the dead? What’s the diff?

Necromancers use dead bodies as vessels and usually hang out in graveyards or dark dungeons. Necromancers care little for the spirit’s feelings or the state of the body, more can always be raised to replace any whose body wears out through decay.
Shamans work with nature spirits as well as the dead. They only rarely summon the spirit of a real person. They never have anything to do with a body.
Necromancers summon the dead whether they want to come or not and force them to obey them.
Shamans either wait for the spirit to come to them, or else invite them for tea.

So…are Necromancers evil?

Generally speaking? Yes.
It takes a sadistic nature to dig up corpses and spend most of your day elbow deep in rotted flesh. Which is why I prefer skeletons myself. Rot and gore might be more dramatic, but it is a hassle to constantly clean your halls while your servants drop pieces or worse-insects and ooze on your nice imported rugs and it’s not like you can have your servants clean up after themselves either! The water gets mucky and they walk where they just cleaned and it just gets worse and worse and the smell! Oh the smell! Skeletons only smell like graveyard dirt if they’re fresh and eventually they don’t smell at all. They are frail though, and can’t be used for heavy lifting, but that’s what magic is for, isn’t it?

What are the Pros and Cons of Necromancy?

If it’s known that you’re a Necromancer the local people will leave you to your solitude, however there are always those that take it upon themselves to ‘purge the world of your wicked ways’ or whatever. The upside is that you can take that annoying do-gooder and turn him into your very own guard! It’s a real plus if he’s a well equipped do-gooder with plate armor and a sword and possibly a horse, although undead horses don’t last very long, as they are hard to sit on once they loose all their flesh. If a group of people approach your abode, just turn one, the strongest preferably, into a minion and turn him on his companions. They’ll yell and hesitate at striking their friend, but their friend, under your control, will not hesitate. Then you’ll have a group of guards for your keep.
Some down sides are that sometimes the do-gooder prevails, then you are dead and its unprofessional to raise another Necromancer to be your minion, so you’ll most likely stay dead until some upstart who thinks he’s all that raises you, but don’t worry, you’ll be stronger and will most likely overtake the little brat and then who’s in charge? You, that’s who. Then you get to start all over, and you’re undead, so you can loose limbs and take a lot of damage from future do-gooders. You’ll be kind of like a Lich…only you’ll have legs. (Unless they fall off or something, then you’ll just need to sew them back on. Or use someone else’s. You know mix-and-match.)
But then again…there is that smell thing to deal with again. It sticks to your clothes.

Yes, yes, the smell, but is Necromancy for me?

Necromancy is certainly not for everybody. I do not suggest it for anyone with a weak stomach. Also, you’d probably have to be pretty twisted to succeed in the field. You should also have enough money for supplies and bribes-remember, Necromancy doesn’t pay well, unless you take over a kingdom or something.

Tips and Tricks

Bring a smock-it will get messy.

Old bones are brittle. Handle them with care until you can get back to your lab, where a good set of spells can give them some strength. If you feel you can’t move them at all without damage, a graveside ritual may be needed, though these can be long, so be careful to start them early in the night, or bribe the groundskeeper if you need a lot of time.

If you feel you must use fleshy bodies, I suggest the use of scented candles in your lab. Not only will they provide a light source, but they will also afford a pleasant floral scent. A nice bowl of potpourri is also a plus.

While the annoying neighbor who won’t clean up after his dog who likes your lawn may seem like a good choice of minion, there are problems with using people you know.

If the body is really fresh remember that blood stains. Wash your robes in cold water-you do not want a heat-set stain in the middle of your favorite robe. Don’t think that because you are some sort of depraved person who corrupts the dead and mutilates corpses for your own gain that you can be a slob, running around with graveyard dirt and blood and fatty tissue on your robes. Clean robes and a well maintained lab say that you are a professional. Take pride in your unholy work.