damn bulwer lytton!
an excerpt

Damn Bulwer-Lytton!! Why can't I start my novel “It was a dark and stormy night...”???? What really is so very inherently awful about those seven words? Nothing!! Absolutely nothing! So there!!
Clarice was practically shrieking into the telephone. She certainly wasn't listening – well, she was listening to herself, to the very wonderfully large sound of her very loud voice in the large enough suite of the fine enough hotel in the most exciting city in the world, and she was telling off her editor. So there, to be sure