"walking through mud" OR "notes of a neurotic"
an excerpt

OK, don't panic. It's simply a case of staying calm and not over reacting. Must. Not. Overreact.

In the most blasé manner I can muster a take a huge glug of wine from my glass and simultaneously spill it all down the front of my white shirt dress. Bugger. So much for being in control.

Looking towards the TV distractedly, I adjust myself into a more comfortable position and simultaneously knock my glass of chilled Pinot Grigio into my lap. All over my new white shirt dress a la Victoria Beckham. God, I must be more drunk than i thought.

Sam looks over me and does that raised eyebrow thing he does when I have proved his blonde bimbo theory right.

"So, com on, what does it mean?" Completely ignoring his now soaked (and slightly alcohol inebriated) girlfriend, Sam reaches over me and makes a grab for the magazine i have been studying,

"Sam?' I beg pleadingly, fluttering my eyelashes in the process, hoping that I look both seductive and venerable. "I’m all wet....do you want to 'sort me out?' I wriggle my boobs in his direction hoping he will get uncontrollably turned on by his sexy girlfriend lying on the sofa beside him. However all I actually manage to do is spill more wine – all over my nice cream sofa

"God you pissed," he smirches before completely ignoring my 'come hither eyes' and turning his attention back to the magazine. "So come on Ames...what does it mean? Tell me"

Begrudgingly I turn my attention back to the piece of paper in my hands and re read the instructions in the magazine. Must. not. panic.

"It means you're going to dump me” I say quietly.

“Oh my god Amy.” Sam shakes his head, sighs dramatically and snatches the piece of paper from my grasp. “How can the way I write 'Sam and Amy' dictate whether we are going to stay together or not?”

“You wrote my name in smaller letters than yours,” I whisper, trying rather unsubtly to disguise a hiccup in the process. “And it says here that it's a clear sign your man is going to dump you because it means he values himself more than you.” I point at the magazine which is lying open on my lap. At the same time, a big fat tear plops onto the page.

"It's because of her isn’t it" Even as I say it I know I shouldn’t. Sam Visibly stiffens and stands up, sighing as he does so, and reaches for his keys which are on the table in front of us.

"I’m not getting into this now Ames," he says his voice chocked with what must be guilt. "Your pissed, I’m tired and I can just tell you are about to start screaming and shouting the house down and to be completely honest, i just cant be arsed. I’m going home.”

"Cant be arsed?!? Cant be bloody arsed?" God, I really do slur my words when I’m drunk. But I only had two glasses of wine. I glance around the room and notice an empty bottle on the windowsill – to go with the half finished bottle o the table. Whoops. I was obviously just thirsty and dehydrated.

Sam walks towards the door and picks his shoes up from the floor. I want to get up and hug him, bring his body close to me again and to hear him tell me everything is ok. But looking into his eyes now I can see a sadness that wasn’t there before.

“Amy” he stutters quietly. “I’m going ok? This is just all too much.” The door closes silently behind him and I hear his footsteps on the pavement as he walks towards the tube.