Becoming Nobody
an excerpt

She checked the clock one last time, and took one last deep breath as she played with the small cross necklace she'd worn since childhood. Her hand shook, and she forced herself to stop playing with her pendant. She knew she needed to leave soon, or she might not get out in time. And she had to leave. She'd known it for a long time.

She swiped her hand across her face, her nails accidentally catching the corner of her eye. She winced, which just made the shaking even worse. Or maybe it was just getting worse because, well, that's what happened when she waited too long.

She turned back to the bed and slammed the suitcase closed that had been laying open, haphazardly packed to put it mildly. She ignored the cloth poking out of both sides. It didn't matter anyway. Nothing in there was irreplaceable, and what did it matter if her clothes hung out of it? She needed to go. Now. Before she changed her mind.

She yanked the suitcase to the floor and flipped it onto its wheels. She grabbed her other necessities – her purse, the half-crushed cigarette pack and lighter from the nightstand, and her husband's spare car keys – and clutched them to her chest as she hauled the suitcase from the bedroom down the hallway and into the foyer.

She tried so hard not to look to the right, to the small desk against the far wall. But inevitably her eyes strayed. She glanced at the two pictures on either side, the smiling faces she could barely recognize anymore. The middle picture however, the crown of the group, was so painfully familiar her throat tightened just looking at it. The smile in that picture was so pure, so authentic and unabashed she wanted to reach in and grab happiness that must have been tangible to be so easily exposed. She wanted that freedom.

More importantly, she wanted the one in the picture to keep that freedom, that untainted happiness which came so naturally to the child in the picture.

She had to leave, or his joy would be tainted. He would be tainted, corrupted by her inadequacies, her issues, her...problems. Leaving was the only way. And it would be okay. The kid was still so young. Maybe he wouldn't even realize she was gone. Even if he did, within a few weeks things would be made normal for him again. His father would definitely see to that. God knew the man could pretend things were wonderful, no matter what the circumstances. He'd proven that for years, even before they were married.

Suddenly she remembered. She dropped the items in her arms as though she'd forgotten they were even there. She caught her wedding set in her opposing fingers and slipped the pair off despite the shakes made her lose her grip on it several times. Still it was easy; she'd lost enough weight over the past two years that they often slid past her knuckle without any pulling at all.

She dropped the rings on the table in front of the child's picture and ran her index finger down the smiling image under glass one more time. Then she gathered the pile from the floor in one arm, opened the front door wide, grabbed the handle of her suitcase, and walked out of the house with no intention of looking back until she knew she wouldn't destroy that child's brilliant smile.