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Genre: Satire, Humor & Parody
About brianhaddadLocation: Maryland Home Region: Age:26 Website: http://mereman.wordpress.com/ Favorite novels: Timeline, Man on Fire, Ender's Game, A Wrinkle in Time, The Art of War, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Sherlock Holmes (All Stories), Prey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, The Cold Moon Favorite writers: Michael Crichton, Orson Scott Card, Jeffrey Deaver Favorite music: Silence Non-noveling interests: Earth, heaven, creating, space, nature, physics, theories, the universe, dinosaurs, history, religion, government (NOT politics), forensics, mysteries, detectives, questions, cryptography, decryption, espionage and its technologies, security, the middle ages, castles, knights, horses, sword and shield combat, fencing, the study of strategy, war fighting techniques and strategy, modern combat technology, vehicular combat, vehicle operation and maneuvering, precision and stunt driving, aircraft, space travel, vehicle design, imaging, Photoshop, animation techniques, 3D modeling and animation, the future of science and technology, all things virtual, cutting edge research and developments in all fields, computers, programming, artificial intelligence, human/computer interfacing and interaction, robotics, interactive media design, game design (board games or video games), web design, assessment and testing techniques, alternatives to reality, intelligence, the human mind, thought processes, psychology, communication, kinesics, language, semantics, semiotics, symbolism, comedy, movies, music, people, personalities, human nature, culture, heroes and heroism, virtues, social networking, relationships (human or otherwise), you |
Joined: September 26, 2008 This Year: Official Participant NaNoWriMo History: NaNoWriMo posts: 0 NaNoWriMo buddies: 3
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Brief Author Bio: I have too many interests to list (nor can I ever remember all of them), and that is one of the reasons I have been working on my writing. I hope that, since I cannot live out all of my dreams, at least I will be able to write for a living one day. This way my dreams will live, even if I can't live them all. |
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Synopsis: Facebook Drives me Nuts
Hello, my name is Paul and I am a professional observer of social interconnections and the collective degradation of sanity on both a micro and macro level with a specialty in connected virtual tool utilization for the study of human interactions on the world wide web (POSICoDS-CoViTUSHI-WWW for short).
Everyday millions of people log in to Facebook with the sole intention of empirically proving to the world that they are crazier than me. Most of them are my friends.
This is my (mostly) fictional account of the Facebook activity I encounter every day. While based on and inspired by many true characters, this work will be considered fiction because much the account will be sensationalized, embellished and (in many cases) censored. This is to prevent you from losing touch with your own sanity.
Excerpt: Facebook Drives me Nuts
Today I logged in to Facebook and it asked me if I would like to view the site in French. I'm still wondering what triggered the magical Facebook robot code into concluding that I might somehow benefit from viewing the site in French.
Perhaps it's because Facebook drives me nuts. Years ago hundreds of thousands of sane people signed up for what they believed would be a convenient way to keep in touch with each other. By today, nearly all of those people have lost their minds.
I've been a Facebook user since before it opened up to non-college members, and somehow I have managed to hang on to my sanity (or so I believe). However, over the course of the last few months I have begun to notice the little ways in which Facebook is driving me nuts.
Take the status updates, for example. I log in and am presented with dozens of new little tidbits about my friends and family. Most of these updates consist of quips they have crafted to entertain and engage their electronic social circle.
My friend, Easter, for example, has the following today (the day after Halloween): "Hallo?!?! Ween?!?! Halloween! Lol"
After several years of these meaningless musings my brain has begun to attempt to superimpose a deeper dimensionality to these people. With a couple of exceptions, I know all of my Facebook friends on a face to face basis. However, those with whom I am out of touch outside of the Internet have become nothing more than a collection of cryptic and uninteresting status updates.
Out of my mind's desire to remember these beings for the multi-dimensional friends that they once were, I have begun to imagine back stories and sequels to go along with nearly every pointless update I read.
On the following pages you will read the chronicles of my Facebook friends.
October 31, 2009. An old acquaintance from the glorious state where I met my wife, named Summer, leaves an ominous, foretelling message on Facebook:
9:22 PM "Okay, so my kid can't stop talking about circles. Then, today, ON HALLOWEEN, he finds a pen and draws all these crazy circles over and over again like that creepy kid from "The Ring." He's going to bed early. And I'm locking his door."
Homicide investigators, however, report that the kid's door was never locked.
Later that evening a desperate call from her husband was made to 911 dispatchers. The man was out of control, and out of his mind, raving about how he just wanted to be square again. Police were dispatched and found the most horrifying scene ever to grace the face of the planet.
Summer was found prone on the ground, with her arms and legs broken and positioned perfectly to form a "crazy circle." Her spine had been torn from her body and had been used to slash Jim to ribbons. The boy was found with a box of Crayolas drawing peacefully at the kitchen table. On the paper in front of him, police found what could only be described as a collection of, "cute, fuzzy farm animals at Disney Land."
The animals pictured are being brought in for questioning, but no suspect has been identified in this chilling case.
(For more, wait for October when I'll try to have the book for sale!)
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