Excerpt: Billy and Mandy and the Lost Plot Device / !! (A Brilliant Move) // Endless World // The End of Minor Kingdoms

Billy/Mandy/Plot device:
Speaking of the apple which was now a peach, it had avoided narration for a while. So had Billy. The time had come to change this, as Billy discovered the golden peach, went "Oooooo", and promptly ate it.

Promptly afterwards, he turned into a rabbit. A six foot blue rabbit with a bald patch. "You know, that wasn't as tasty as I thought it would be," he commented, grabbing at one of his oversized ears.

"Of course it isn't," Eris said in exasperation, "it's a peach."

"What should we do with him now?" Grim asked. "Although, perhaps we should take him home and let his mom see him now...."

Mandy shook her head. "He'll eat too much like that. Can't you change him into something less obnoxious?"

"I LIKE PIE," Billy declared. "I THOUGHT I'D REMIND YOU IN CASE YOU FORGOT."

"You're right, he is obnoxious like that," Eris winced. "Not that he isn't normally. Oh, I have an idea!" She clapped her hands together, then pointed at Billy. From inside the rabbit's belly, the glowing shape of a peach became visible, and then Billy, who had started as a crab and was next a rabbit, was now a kitten.

"Now that's handy," Grim noted. "Think you can change him back?"

"That's too non-chaotic for my little apple, I'm afraid," she said. "But there are lots of other chaotic things we could try if you don't like kittens."

"Please do," Mandy requested, "he's a hideous kitten." She wasn't kidding. Billy the kitten's nose was still humongous, and he was now drooling on the carpet.

"Hm," Eris hmm'd with a frown, then waved a hand again. Billy was now a giant robot. "Handy for crushing your enemies, right?"

"Handy for crushing your desk," Grim pointed out.

"Oh, drat, I forgot about that," Eris said, making a face. "Oh well, I was planning on having it replaced soon, anyway."

"01001001 01001100010010010100101101000101 00110011001011100011000100110100," Billy the robot declared cheerfully.

Eris considered again, and now Billy was a pony. "How about this?"

"Ugh," Mandy made a face, "now he smells even worse than before. Can't you think of anything better?"

"Well, I thought it was cute," Eris said with a shrug. "How about a sea slug?"

Zap. Billy was now a sea slug.

Grim shook his head. "Too difficult to transport around."

Billy made some blubbing sounds. "You could make him a toad," Grim suggested. "Toads are classic."

"See, Grim, this is why you have no taste," Eris said with a shake of her head. "I suppose next you were going to suggest a rat?"

"...they're classic!"

"What about a very small rock?"

Now Billy was a very small rock, red in color. "We'd probably end up stubbing our toes on him," Grim pointed out.

"How about an ass?" And now Billy was a donkey.

Mandy shook her head. "It would never make it past the censors."

"Ha! Take that!" the author yelled in the general direction of Williams Street.

"Well, we'll just make him a unicorn," Eris suggested. "We'll put a horn on him."

"You can't make a unicorn out of an ass by putting a horn on him," Grim protested. "Everyone knows that's an assicorn."

"Hee-haw," Billy declared, which was most likely another iteration on his continual fondness for certain fruit-filled and baked desserts.

"Psh, just watch," Eris said, waving her hand. A trumpet appeared on Billy's head. It was followed by an obligatory rimshot and laugh track in the background.

"That's not a unicorn," Grim complained. "Now he's just a bad jazz player."

Mandy gave him a look. "You're not funny."

End of Minor Kingdoms: Bitterness:
The ship was silent after they had taken off, each of the senshi preferring to be off by themselves to think over what had happened. Everyone except Fiducius. The senshi was seated outside Apsyrtus's infirmary door, waiting as the doctors treated him, bandaging his wounds and speeding their healing as much as they could. Finally, they left, letting Fiducius inside.

The young man poked his head in, unsure, and took a look around. Apsyrtus was resting in the bed, eyes closed, his arms and what he could see of the man's torso covered in bandages. Fiducius felt worried; this was not the strong, cheerful man that had been before, even when asleep. "Apsyrtus?" Fiducius questioned slowly, stepping inside.

He stirred, opening his eyes. Even the expression of just looking at Fiducius was beyond misery, his eyes holding in the pain he had to be feeling. Somehow, he managed a half-hearted smile. "Hey, Fiducius. How are you feeling? How's the shoulder?"

"No serious damage. It felt worse than it actually was." Fiducius kept his eyes on the other man. "How about you?"

"They said it'll take me a while to heal from all of this," the other man said. "Probably a couple of weeks. Lucky me, huh? I hope that they take a day off. Or several days off. Maybe we'll get lucky, eh?"

"That's not all I meant."

The smile faded, and Apsyrtus rubbed at his face wearily. "Tynka...She's dead, isn't she? You saw her the best."

"That's what Lithium Irukandji said. I didn't see her breathing and those wounds would have been fatal." Fiducius shook his head. "It would take a miracle. I'm so sorry, Apsyrtus."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong, Fiducius. You did more than probably anyone there. I really appreciate it. I'm sure she does, too."

"Because I couldn't save her," Fiducius said, bowing his head, clenching his fists. "I couldn't do enough. I wasn't strong enough, Apsyrtus. I'm sorry."

"You're not to blame," Apsyrtus said. "None of us were. Imperatrix talks big, but he didn't do anything. Gotho didn't do anything. Thais didn't do anything. Hell, even Strenua didn't do anything, although he was probably in as much shock as I was. He was close to her, too."

"I know. That's why I'm sorry. I would have rather died than let her be killed, Apsyrtus."

With a sudden movement, Apsyrtus hurled a pillow at the other man, nailing him squarely in the face. "Do not," he winced at the pain in his arm and shoulder, "do not talk like that. You think I would have been happier to lose you? Don't be ridiculous. And how about Gaussia, how do you think she would have felt? Value your life, damn it. You're alive and that's more than she has going for her."

Fiducius looked up, and he could see the tears starting to run down Apsyrtus's face as the man sank back into the bed, putting a hand to his face again. "Gods. Tynka. I couldn't protect her, either. You're not to blame."

"What can I do for you, Apsyrtus?" Fiducius said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I...I've never lost someone before. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now, but I hate it. I can't stand knowing how much pain you must be in."

"You're lucky, then," Apsyrtus replied, shutting his eyes. "I wish we could have all had that luxury."

Fiducius bit his lip, feeling as if he had said something wrong. "Damn it, Apsyrtus!" he shouted at last. "I don't want you to keep this all bottled up inside because you feel like you can't or won't let go. You're in pain. You need to be in pain or you'll never get past it. I don't know that kind of pain," he said in a quieter tone. "I only know what I was told about grief. But I've never kept things bottled up like you are now and I know that it can't be good for you. Yell at me, scold me, cry, do something. She was your lover. It's okay to cry for a lost love."

"You're a nag, Fiducius," Apsyrtus said with a slight smile, tears flowing more freely down his face. "Tynka. Oh, Tynka," he moaned, and Fiducius walked over to the bed, handing him a piece of cloth to wipe his face. "Tynka. Why her? Why couldn't it have been that big-mouthed Imperatrix," he said bitterly. "Why did it have to be her? I'll kill that bitch Irukandjki for this. I'll kill her myself with my bare hands. Gods, I'm just...I'm beside myself. I'm saying things that don't make sense, that I don't mean. I don't want him to die. I don't want anyone to die. What if they kill Strenua? What if they kill you?"

"No one else is going to die," Fiducius reassured gently, putting a hand on Apsyrtus's shoulder, making sure the light touch wouldn't cause him pain. "We're going to win, remember? We have to in order to save our homes. And I think...for the first time, I really think it's worth fighting for. I meant what I said." He looked down at his hands. "I used to always think that other people were beneath me. No one else was important, because they didn't have the power that I do. But it's not right. When she spoke of power, I knew it wasn't right. We're in the right here, Apsyrtus. And we will win."

Apsyrtus looked over at him, and offered a weak smile. "Can you see that in the future?"