Excerpt: In Pursuit of Head...(dot dot dot) Pin

All of these got packed into his KR brand Lane Rover 4-ball bag (easily convertible to a six ball bag, for the record) and looked around his messy apartment for to locate Pinkerton Pinny McBowlerton the third. He wasn't on the mantle where he was supposed to be, he wasn't on the tiny twin mattress on the floor, he wasn't in the closet, he wasn't amongst the dirty dishes in the kitchen, or even hanging out with the dirty dishes in the living room. Checking his watch, Abernathy mumbled a few choice words before going to pick up his bowling bag.
"What a freaking great start to the season" he thought to himself. "I don't even have my lucky bowling pin with me. Maybe if I call his name? No wait, that's a dumb thought...he's just a stuffed animal...how the heck can I even hope he'll respond to me calling his name. That's just absurd. Well...maybe calling his name will help jog MY memory as to where I put him last." Shaking his head, Abernathy decided that since he was alone in his apartment, it's not like anyone would HEAR him attempting to contact his stuffed bowling pin, right?
"Pinkerton? Pinkerton? Where are you? Pinny... here Pinny, Pinny, Pinny. Where's my handsome... I mean... cuddly... err... I mean stuffed bowling pin? Mr. Pinkerton Pinny McBowlerton the third, you come out from where you're hiding RIGHT NOW. I mean it... it's time to go to league. Pinny? Aww, come on man, you know I can't start the season without you. You're my lucky stuffed bowling pin. Pinny? Anyone, anyone....Bueler....Bueler?"
"Oh this is ridiculous" said Abernathy out loud to himself. "He's just a stuffed...well not animal exactly...a stuffed freaking toy. Bowling without him won't be bad for my game...this is all just silly superstition." Abernathy was alarmed to find however, that tears were welling up behind his eyes at the thought of bowling without his trusted friend Pinkerton Pinny McBowlerton the third.
Just then, Abernathy heard, or thought he heard, a plaintive squeaking coming from somewhere in his living room. "Pinny..." he asked tentatively..."Pinny is that you?"
Faint squeaking noise....
"Where are you Pinny? Squeak louder please?"
Abernathy couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard the squeaking coming from his bowling bag... no wait...from UNDERNEATH his bowling bag. OH NOES, PINKERTON PINNY MCBOWLERTON THE THIRD WAS TRAPPED UNDERNEATH Abernathy's bowling bag!! This is a tragedy of the utmost severity.
With a nimbleness, dexterity and strength not normally attributed to him, Abernathy picked up his bowling bag and flung it off the squirming body of his friend Pinny, the stuffed bowling pin.
Wait... squirming? That can't be right...why would a stuffed bowling pin be squirming. Abernathy looked down again and realized that Pinny was indeed laying there as still as a stuffed toy should be laying. Like... so still he wasn't moving. Definitely, definitely NOT moving. At least Abernathy was pretty sure he imagined that Pinkerton was moving at all in the first place. Just a trick of the light.
"But what about the squeaking? Did I imagine that too?" asked Abernathy of his brain.
"Of course we imagined it you stupid idiot." Snapped back his brain to him.
"Of course, just my imagination."