Excerpt: Heroes & Villains

I’ve done my best to be a good villain. Fortunately, my unlimited potential means my ‘best’ is so far above everyone else it’s like they don’t even exist. I’m not just the best villain, I’m the villain. I mean, sure, there’s others that call themselves super-villains out there. But do they have rooms that may or may not have dropped an elderly woman into a pit of fire? Doubtful. Most of them don’t deserve the name villain. They may hold up banks and mug random passerby, but at the end of the day they take off their masks and sit back with a cold one. But my mask never comes off.
Many of them don’t even have evil laughs! It’s like they’re not even trying. What kind of self-respecting villain doesn’t have an evil laugh? There are certain things that, as a villain, one must do. For example, I have a moon base. Have I ever used it for anything? No, but I’m positive that it will provide a wonderful site for a historic showdown between some unfortunate hero and myself someday.
So I keep my mask on, because real villains don’t ‘unwind’ or ‘relax’. My free time is spent thinking of horrible new death traps or weapons of mass destruction. Right now I am the ultimate power in the world. But if I were to remove my mask, I’d become just another average villain with an off-the-charts IQ and boundless resources. The very thought of it makes me sick.