Excerpt: Ditched

Ditched.
After 8 years. 2,920 days! 252,288,000 seconds of my life, wasted. And what did I get?
Ditched.
There it is again. That word. The one word. The one that started everything, and somehow seemed to end it too. Like life. Starting with one breath and ending with another. But I don't like metaphors. English was never my favorite subject. I had a favorite subject, but what did that leave me with? Just a stream of thoughts; 1 word, 7 letters, 1 syllable.
Ditched.
It ran through my mind, replaying itself over and over again in my head. It played in different languages and accents, some that even I couldn't understand. But it didn't matter. Neither the language, nor eloquence, made a difference; I knew the word couldn't hide from me. It was in my every thought, every movement. Every sound, every breath. It played in my heart beat. I couldn't beat the system. It was controlling me. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Finally, I felt a sudden rage come over me. My heart rate increasing, blood pressure zooming to high measures that no human being should be able to achieve. But not me, I was different.
I could tell, right there and then, that something bad was going to happen. I could feel it, building up inside of me. A hot, burning wrath.
It overcame me, taking my body in a single, swift movement. It wasn't up to me now; I was being controlled by something simply out of my level. I let it take over me, willingly, feeling the usual sensation as blood rushed through my ears.
As it prevailed over my eyes, I felt myself fall behind, a tad out of place. It took over my ears next and that's when I felt it. Something different. No longer was I part of this body. I felt like I'd switched over. It was as though I was looking at this situation from far away, in another body, place, and time.
And so there I was, watching my body transform. Gazing, mystified by the power surging through what appeared to be my body, though I didn't feel it. Not even the slightest movement would release me from this “out of body” experience.
And then I heard it. The ear piercing scream. I didn't realize who it was at first. It seemed to be coming from so far away, as though I was watching in on someone else's dream, their swirl of thoughts clouded together into one.
But it wasn't the scream that killed me. It was the word that rang throughout the scream. My nightmares becoming a reality. It was too difficult to tell what was real and what was a dream.
I led myself back into my body, as my scream reached its highest point. Just then I heard the word.
"Ditcheddd!" my body yelled, echoing through my head. As soon as the word rang out, I made contact with my body as a loud "slap" sounded through the atmosphere.
The contact would leave a bruise in the morning, I knew. But as it quieted around me and I sat down, I could only focus on the word. And what it felt like to release that retched word from my lips. After what felt like forever, I'd said it.
I told the system my worst fear. I knew it'd come back to bite me in the ass later, but as of now, I felt free.
So I sat down on the grass, with a sly smile on my face. And I repeated the word again, saying it aloud this time. I was giddy with fear. Fear of this word, and the things it would lead me to. But I was too busy, to wrapped up, in my little game to even notice.
With just a whisper, I was barely audible, but I still said it again. And again and again, until I finally fell asleep. With the word slipping off my tongue, one last time.
"Ditched." I said aloud, allowing myself to drift off into a deep, profound sleep.
And it all went downhill from there.