Excerpt: An Unlikely Romance: My Love Affair With Growing Up

So far staying home from school is everything I dreamt it would be. I have not gotten out of my pajamas all day and Mom stayed home to help me. We’ve been watching British chick flicks since about ten o’clock this morning. So far we have watched Bridget Jones’ Diary, Love Actually, and About a Boy. I just can’t get enough of Hugh Grant, although I typically like Colin Firth’s character better since he is usually the good guy. I’m not really into bad boys, it’s kind of like being into guitarists, just too cliché. I just like old British guys honestly.
Mom is at the grocery store now though, so I decided to come back to America and watch Sex and the City. Mom said at least I wasn’t missing health today, she claims that Sex and the City is my sex-ucation. She is really right though, everything I’ve learned about sex has been from Sex and the City and Cosmopolitan, not that it’s doing me much good right now since I’ve been single since my first birthday. But hey, if Bridget Jones can find love I can too. Perhaps even an attractive British man. New plan: Move to England and find attractive British man who will fall in love with me because of my American girl crassness and Yankee accent.
Mom is going to make macaroni and cheese for me tonight. That is one thing I will miss when I go to college next year, if I go to college next year. I hope I don’t gain forty pounds like everyone else when they go to college. This girl from my AP English class last year is in college now, her name is Phoebe, and I saw her at the grocery store last week. She is already humongous, definitely a muffin top. Ehhh, what if that is what people say about me when I come back for visits? It will not happen because I will not let it.