Excerpt: Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian

WHY? Why why why WHHYYYYYYYY?

Betelgeuse had tried everything; rattling the doorknob, kicking with all his might against the door, throwing his entire body weight into a running tackle that started at the other end of the apartment and ended with a splintering KABLAM at the bathroom door.

And still, the magical portal wouldn't open.

"OPEN SESAME!!" he shrieked, banging his forehead against the heavy industrial door.

Lydia had been in the bathroom for almost fifteen minutes now, the shower running all the while. She was naked, alone, and probably up to no good in there. And he was trapped in the hallway, his head rolling from side to side as he cursed the powers that be in a pathetic, keening voice.

He didn't understand, he'd been ghosting through everything else all day; he hadn't been able to touch, manipulate, or move anything at all, and now this. The door was as solid as if he was fully corporeal again; truth be told it was actually a lot more solid than any door had a right to be.

"This isn't fair!" he called to no one, pulling at his hair and slamming his foot against the door. "You have no right to deny me my husbandly privileges!!" He assaulted the door one last time before sliding bonelessly to the carpet. He sat there for a moment with his mouth gaping open and his shoulders twitching before he suddenly thought of something. Hastily, he pulled the injunction from his breast pocket and scanned it over.

"...the betrothed shall never travel beyond fifty feet of his intended... yadda yadda yadda... betrothed revokes all corporeal manifestation privileges... well duh... ah here it is, the bastards... without express verbal and psychic consent, the betrothed is forbidden access to those activities, practices, and locations deemed private or personal by the intended." Betel gripped the paper painfully between his fingers and clenched his jaw as he read on. "Such instances may include but are not limited to: bathing, dressing/undressing, sleeping, restroom visits, and embarrassing lip syncing. Please consult the clauses and addendum for a full list of possible instances, blockages, and exceptions."

Gnashing his teeth in rage, Betelgeuse tore the injunction into pieces; growling like a feral animal and foaming at the mouth. He was so busy throwing a tantrum that he was taken utterly by surprise when the bathroom door suddenly opened behind him and he toppled backwards onto the linoleum. Clutching a towel around herself, Lydia stepped right through him and headed for her bedroom. Betel scrambled to his feet and raced her to the bedroom; he managed to dive in face first and tumble clumsily through her feet as she closed the door, SUCCESS! He cackled with delight and satisfaction as she grabbed a pair of black pajamas from the dresser and started peeling away the towel...

POP

Betel blinked. He was back in the hallway. The injunction was laying at his feet, all of the pieces miraculously fused back together.

His blood curdling screams fell on deaf ears.