Excerpt: 天罰 (tenbatsu)

“Shukumei! We need those designs by the end of the week!”
“Yes, sir.”
“What is that you are working on?”
“The design, sir.”
“What the hell is that supposed to be?”
“A cat, sir.”
“I know that, but why does it look like a real cat?”
“I don’t understand you, sir.”
“HappyForever cat is NOT supposed to look like a real cat! Maigo, what is our motto here?”
“ ‘Your only escape from reality’, sir.”
“Exactly. And that is why HappyForever is the most popular toy company in all of the world! How are people supposed to escape when your HappyCat looks like a real cat? Throw that away and do it again.”
“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir.”
Finally he walked away and I exhaled the disgusted breath I had been holding in.

I looked at my computer, grasping the tablet in my hands as I looked at the picture of a cat that I had drawn. I could feel an odd twitch pervade my left eyelid as I slowly erased the picture, line by line. I then started to draw crude circles, large bubbly shapes, curls and such. Something capricious. Something whimsical.
The abomination that sat on my computer was some roly-poly mockery of what would be a cat. This bubbly cute atrocity was something I wanted to permanently delete from my computer.
“Ooh! Shukumei, that is so cute! Your best work yet!” a co-worker said as she passed by my cubicle.
I said nothing and saved the picture in a folder. I then turned in my chair and faced the woman.
“I’m glad you think so, Sasawa. I worked very hard on it,” and I put on a plastic smile. “Would you excuse me? I’m going to get some water.”
“Oh well I can come with you.” she said cheerfully and I nodded, still smiling.
We walked together over to the water cooler, the pretty little woman clutching a stack of papers to her chest. She disgusted me. They all disgusted me. I wish I could have killed her right then but I couldn’t think of any way to do so quickly.
We approached the cooler and she took out a cup to pour some water, but I kept walking to the open window just beyond the cooler.
“Shukumei-san, what are you--?” I heard her say before I pushed myself forward out of the window.

I woke up in a hospital with a horrible headache and a doctor standing over me.
“That was a nasty fall you took there.” he said, not looking at me as he scribbled things on his clipboard.
“I’m still alive aren’t I?” I asked disdainfully.
“Yes, you are.” he replied with a smile, this time looking at me.
“I see.” I said, looking around at the room. The beeping of my heart monitor and the scribbling of the doctor on his clipboard made me tired, for some reason. My view became a bit glazed; I heard a sound that was similar to multiple voices whispering in my ear all at once. I was about to drift to sleep when I asked the doctor,
“What you do for a living…it’s to save lives, isn’t it?”
“Why yes, yes it is,” the doctor said proudly.
“Why do you do it?”
“Because…I wanted to help people.”
“But, wouldn’t it help them more to ease them into death? After all, prolonging life is possibly the least helpful thing you could do to anyone.”
“Well most people want to live.”
“Just because they want it doesn’t mean it is best for them.”
The doctor became silent and I could sense that he was a bit uneasy, which only affirmed my beliefs. “I’ll go get the nurse so she can give you some medicine…” he said awkwardly, taking this as an excuse to leave me alone to the buzz of the lights and the beep of that machine. The machine that constantly reminded me “You’re still alive. You’re still alive. You’re still alive. Ha, ha. You’re still alive.”
Damn it. Oh well, third time’s the charm, right?