Excerpt: I Like Cheese?

I scrolled through my cell phone contacts, puffing out my cheeks as I considered the enormity of the task before me. I had to call Ruchi.
It's not that I don't like Ruchi. It's just that it was a scary thing to contact her out of the blue. I hadn't seen her in years. Who knew how much trouble I'd be in?
It might be a little silly to wonder how much trouble I'd be in for not contacting an old friend in years — lots and lots of years — but it's not silly if you know Ruchi at all.
The last time I'd seen her, we'd met at a cafe in Paris for a quick girl's catch up. (That was one thing I missed about living in England, the rest of the world was so close.) I remember seeing Ruchi underneath the cafe's overhang, standing with her arms crossed, her long black hair drab and coiling into waves thanks to the rain. I bounded over, practically skipping, my arms outstretched, umbrella nearly knocking over two waiters, and ran into her because she didn't hug me back.
"Eleanor," Ruchi said. I backed off, instantly wary. "Why haven't you bothered to visit me in fifty years?"
"Thirty years," I tried to say, but more words came, plowing through mine in a frantic maelstrom of anger--how serious the anger, I had no idea.
"--Do you see what I mean? Do you see how not good this is? I don't know what your problem is, but it's simply not acceptable because you're supposed to be my friend and you just aren't doing so right now." Ruchi's English had a tendency to suffer in circuitous rambles when she was upset.
She went on like this even as we ordered ("I just don't understand, Eleanor, is it because you have no boyfriend and you're going to be jealous of me and all my attractive European boyfriends? Pain au chocolate, sil vous plait, madam... Seriously, Eleanor, you're just out of touch and I don't know what to do with you these days.."). Then it continued on as we ate. Then it continued when we left the cafe and wandered through the drizzly streets together. It continued when I got home and received a venomous letter two weeks later.
The worst part is that I do value Ruchi as a friend. Without Ruchi in the world, things would seem too fast, too impermanent. But she's around. And I cherish her.
I really do. Honest.
So because I value Ruchi as a friend, there's no way I can ever speak my mind around her.
"Ruchi," I'd tried to say once in the 1960s, "Don't you think you're a little...bossy, sometimes?"
"You don't want me to make sure you look good so you'll actually get a boyfriend?" Ruchi said. "Fine. I won't bother. You just continue to wear those long unattractive skirts and hope for the best. I hope that works out for you. But it won't!"
And she wondered why it was another thirty years before we saw each other again. And blamed me for that.
My thumb paused on the call button as I hovered over her name. It was ten thirty at night on Saturday here, so about ten in the morning on Sunday there, unless I'd forgotten how time zones in India went. So she should be up. And there would be no reason to yell at me. None at all that a sane person could think of.
How did I end up with these people?
I drew in a deep few breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth, just like my Denise Austin yoga DVDs said. I pressed the button. Calling Ruchi Satyarayana, my phone said. I held my breath.
"Eleanor Deacon, why are you calling me at nine in the morning on my day off! Honestly, I only get one day off a week, and I am trying to sleep in, but that's not going to happen now because I'm upset and I can't go to bed when I'm upset! Do you realize what you have done?"
"I thought it was ten in the morning," I said in a small voice.
"You thought it was ten in the morning because you cannot do math," Ruchi said. "And even if it were ten in the morning it would be way too early. I like to sleep until eleven on Sunday, I don't like sleeping until only ten. And only nine is not good news at all, Eleanor, not good news at all."
"Okay," I said. "So how are things, Ruchi?"
She hung up. That's about what I had expected from the phone call, so I considered it a success and settled into a book for an hour before I tried again.