Excerpt: The Vampire Blunders

I felt lightheaded, almost woozy. Had Kenny actually invited himself up to my family’s cottage, all of ten minutes after we had met? That was brazen --- but I liked that in a guy! Now I was even hotter after him.
“All right, Kenny. Let’s go get a pen and some paper.”
He let me lead the way back to the service counter, where Steve continued to fume in silence. At least he wasn’t tapping his foot. I started writing out the directions. Steve watched impassively, as still as a stone statue.
As I wrote, I said to Kenny, “Now, finding the place can be a little tricky once you get off of the highway.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t have any trouble finding it. Not if you’re there.”
Steve rolled his eyes. He was clearly dying to burst out with something, but he always saved his opinions for private times. He never directly interfered in his friends’ affairs. So for now, he stood there biting his tongue --- perhaps literally.
Pocketing the directions, Kenny gave me another of his intensely toothy grins. “I will see you very soon, friend.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
Kenny turned and slowly retreated up the middle aisle, as though he had trouble pulling himself away. A moment later the door chimed his exit.
And Steve lit into me. “Joel, are you out of your flipping mind? You gave him directions! To the place where you will be all alone!”
I scoffed. “Steve, how many years have I known you?”
“What has that got to do with ---”
“And how many bars have I watched you leave with how many men? Alone?”
“Not the same thing! If things get out of hand, I have a roommate. And I have neighbors. Up in Tustin, you are on your own! You must be totally insane.”
We kept arguing it back and forth. All the while, we were turning off the harsh overhead fluorescents and switching on each aisle’s string of white Christmas lights for overnight. In a momentary lull in the discussion I asked Steve if he wanted me to mop up where my new friend had walked on the linoleum tiles. “Oh, the hell with it,” Steve sighed. “Let the morning crew take care of it.”
“Then let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
“At least we can agree on that.”
But he could not contain himself for long. He started telling me I was crazy all over again, even as we made our beeline for the front door. By now I had grown sick of it and was about to tell him he just needed to shut the hell up about my private life. Suddenly Steve lurched to a halt at the edge of the linoleum strip, keys jangling in his fist. “Hey look at that, Joel. Your new boyfriend didn’t leave a single footprint.”
“I thought the tiles were still wet.”
“At least damp,” he agreed.
“Well, good,” I said. “That gives Barry one less thing to gripe about tomorrow.”
But as we walked out, our shoes squeaked. We locked the place up, then Steve muttered, “Yuck! That floor is wet.”
“Little bit,” I agreed.
“I’ll bet we left footprints. Your friend must be able to fly or something.”
“The linoleum is only about seven feet across. Kenny was polite enough not to step on a wet floor. He must have hopped over it.”
“He ‘hopped’ seven feet?” Steve said doubtfully. “If you say so…”
We strode in uncomfortable silence the half block to Farwell Avenue. Only a few cars rumbled past us here, but a fair number of people were on foot on the other side of the street, walking in pairs or clusters, probably headed for the Oriental Theater, a few blocks north of here.
We stopped at the corner. Pointing up the block, Steve said, “I’m parked that way.”
“Oh, I’m this way,” I said, waving in the other direction.
“Look, Joel, I’m sorry I got so bitchy with you. I know I can’t talk you out of getting into bed with this Kenny character.” His voice turned fretful. “I just hope --- everything works out.”
“Yes, this should be really good.” I relaxed a little. “I’m glad you’re at least trying to be happy for me.”
“That’s not it, Joel.” Steve scowled. “I just mean, I hope he doesn’t murder you.”