Excerpt: Your Song (Working Title)

I hunch over Ryan’s desk. “Do it one more time,” I say. “Just to make sure that you’ve got it.”

He nods and hunches over his guitar again, his hair falling over his face, covering it like a curtain. He picked the first two strings alternatively, changing the fretting as he played, plucking a soft melody. The song is sweet and sad. The way he looks when he’s playing melts me. His concentration can’t be broken. His rough fingers inch down the fret board effortlessly, alternating strings without difficulty.

He’s so perfect. And I can never have him.

He finishes the intro to the song and lets the top string resonate until its vibrations evanesce into the air.

I clap my hands together. “That was great! You totally nailed it.”

He looks up at me and smiles his half-smile at me. “Thanks. It’s thanks to you.”

“Don’t be so modest,” I reply. “You did it. I just helped.”

He sets his guitar down beside the desk. “You’re an awesome teacher. I just…” He pauses.

I turn to my backpack and put my Advanced Guitar book inside of it. “Yeah?”

He scratches his head. “Nevermind.”

I’m curious now. “No. Tell me.”

He sighs. “I… really need to talk to you.”

I stand up and stretch. “Okay.” I sit beside him at his desk. “What’s up?”

He hesitates. What is this about?

“What’s wrong, Ryan?” I ask softly.

“You remember when you first came here?” he mutters. “And I used to hate you so much?”

I scoff. “I was actually trying to erase that period of time from my mind. Thanks for bringing it back up, you prick.”

He laughs. “Well, I think that I finally figured out why I was like that.”

“Really now?” I’m intrigued. “Do tell.”

He takes a deep breath. “Promise you won’t treat me like a freak.”

“Why would I ever treat you like a freak?”

“Promise me.” His voice is very firm.

After a pause, I say, “I promise. What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t say anything for the longest time.

“Ryan?”

“Forget it,” he says as he rises up and walks towards his bed. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh, hell no,” I growl. “You’re gonna tell me now.”

He looks at me, and I can see the confusion in his face. I can’t help but feel for him.

“Have you ever felt like… I don’t know,” he whispers. “You just aren’t the same as everyone else?”

“Well, yeah,” I reply. “I’ve felt like that ever since I got here.”

“I don’t think,” he begins, “that you understand.”

I start to feel my stomach churn. “What do you mean…?”

He turns away from me. “Dammit. Why is it so hard to say?”

I feel a little sick. “What is it?”

He turns to me, his eyes dark and brooding. “I think that the reason I was so horrible to you was because… I liked you.”

My heart drops into my stomach and I feel sick. He didn’t just say that. He can’t have just said that.

“Are you okay?” he whispers.

I can do nothing but reply in silence. He liked me?

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you!” he shouts.

“You…” I whisper, then become angry. “You’re lying.”

His face turns from mad to surprised. “Excuse me?”

“You’re lying to me,” I say loudly. “Why are you lying to me?”

“Wait,” he says. “Do you feel the same way?”

“You’re lying!” I scream, and I turn and climb into my bed to face the wall. “Get away from me!”

“What did I do?!” Ryan yells back at me.

“Just leave me alone!” I scream, my voice cracking. “Just… leave me alone.”

“Morgan,” Ryan breathes. I can hear him get closer to me. I feel pressure on my bed, and I can feel his warmth against my shoulder and my back. He’s on my bed, and he’s hugging me.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I sob. I feel salty tears crawl down my cheeks. “What did I ever do to you?”

“You really don’t get it, do you?” he laughs softly. “All the time that you spent tutoring me about all of this stuff, you didn’t have to do that. You could have just let me lose my scholarship. You could be sitting in your own room right now, but for some reason, you cared. You taught me all the things I refused to learn. You wanted me to stay here. I felt like I was wanted.” He pauses. “You did all of these things for me. Why would you care? Do you feel the same way?”

I feel his arm wrap around my waist. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying as hard as I can to keep the tears inside, but instead, I push them out even more. “You can’t feel this way…”

“Why would I lie about this? I’m just like you. Some confused kid who doesn’t know which way is up or which way is down. I’m just trying to find out who I am, and I’m pretty sure that this is how I can find out. I-I need you, Morgan.” He finds my hand with his and gives it a slight squeeze. “Do you think that you could ever need me?”
I move my head a little to catch a glimpse of his hand holding mine, the image that has been the one thing on my mind for the past two months. It’s all I ever wanted. It’s all I need.

“Ryan,” I breathe, then let out a sob. It’s happening. It’s all happening.

“Shh…” he whispers as he lets go of my hand and wipes away my tears with his fingers, his warm callused fingers. It feels so good.

“Ryan,” I start. “I think I need you, too.”

I can feel him smile. His aura is all around me. His warmth has captured me. It’s all I need.

“We could at least try it,” he whispers. “I want to try this out. I really do.”

“I would like that,” I reply without hesitation. I could stay like this forever, and I wouldn’t mind it a bit.

He laughs into my back. His breath is warm and sweet. It smells like cinnamon and water. His cologne is attaching itself to my clothes, and I can’t help but sniff my shirt a couple of times. This is exactly what I wanted. A tear falls from my eye again. I would have never thought…

“Hey,” he sighs into my ear. A tremble goes down my spine. “We could make this work. But it has to be a secret. At least for right now.”

I nod. “But what about Shiro and David?”

He laughs softly. “They’ll find out eventually anyway.”

I breathe deeply into my pillow. “Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“Did this have anything to do with what happened at the party?”

“Well,” he starts, “a little bit. But it’s so much more than that. Trust me.”

I laugh and take his hand back into mine. “I don’t know. Maybe I will.”

He scoffs. “Oh, shut up and go to sleep. It’s almost midnight.”

I hold his hand tighter. “Promise you’ll stay here?” No sooner do I say this than I feel his lips in my hair. I tremble, but he holds me closer.

“Of course,” he whispers. I hear light snoring a second later. I push further into his embrace, absorbing his warmth, smelling his scent, listening to him breathe.

It’s so beautiful. This never happens in real life. This is too good to be true.

Maybe coming to this school wasn’t such a bad idea after all.