Excerpt: The Undercover Mother

The competence/chaos axis continued into my adult life. On the surface, I was successful and competent, organized and purposeful. I graduated from Yale, got a master’s degree in literature from Columbia, married my college boyfriend, bought an apartment on the upper west side. The apartment was neat (except for the drawers and closets) and sparely furnished. I got a job in advertising, then switched to a bigger agency for a higher salary. I was on track.

Except of course I wasn’t. Bob and I drank every night, first at college and then at a local bar, Brat’s. We dropped acid and, later, became enamored of cocaine. I worked as a stripper after freshman year, and had a series of affairs with Bob’s roommates, among others.

After three years in advertising, I quit my job and went traveling for a couple of months with Bob, who had taken a leave of absence. After he returned to work, I stayed in Italy, going to work at a beach resort and, eventually, becoming involved with the owner.