Excerpt: Ignoring June

Jenna glanced furtively to her left and to her right. Was anyone watching her? She returned her stare to the store shelves in front of her, feeling more like a criminal than a customer. Who knew that there were so many choices when it came to pregnancy tests?

Jenna had hoped to dash into the drug store and be gone before there was any chance of her running into someone she knew. But when presented with so many options, she felt overwhelmed and frozen by indecision. Which brand should she choose? This package came with only one test, this one with two. Still another contained three tests. How many would she need to take before she trusted the results? Should she pick the test that detects pregnancy even before a missed period? Jenna’s period wasn’t late, but still something didn’t feel quite right. Her body felt off. She was torn between dismissing it as paranoia and allaying her fears by taking a test. But what if the test didn’t give her the answer she wanted?

And what answer did she want anyhow? Babies weren’t necessarily bad things. And Jenna was 25, not 15. She was an adult with a decent job. She wasn’t married, but she was in a loving relationship. Or rather, loving enough. She had no real complaints against her boyfriend Lucas. Then why was she so terrified that the test might actually be positive?

Her mind swimming with questions, Jenna grabbed a box with pink artwork on it and dashed toward the checkout line with it tucked under her arm, hopeful that it was out of view of any other customers. She sighed with relief when she saw that no one else was in line. She plunked the box down on the counter, careful to avoid eye contact with the overly cheerful clerk whose nametag read Karen. Karen’s eyes lit up when she saw the box, and her blond curls bounced as she excitedly asked, “Is this your first?”

My first? thought Jenna. Pregnancy test? What a strange question to ask. Then, in that split second, she realized what Karen was referring to. Her first child. Jenna’s breath caught in her throat. She hoped not, but knew that wasn’t a polite answer to a perfectly innocent question. Keeping her eyes down, she managed to mumble an “Uh huh” as she swiped her debit card through the machine.

As Karen prattled on about cute baby clothes and cute baby toys and cute baby noises, Jenna didn’t even hear her. My first child…my first child…my first child kept running through her head. She grabbed her receipt and her bag, anxious to escape Karen’s chatter.

Jenna breathed a sigh of relief as she settled into the driver’s seat of her car. She had managed the entire trip without seeing anyone who might recognize her. Her joy at her success was short-lived, though, as she glanced at the bag now taking up the passenger seat next to her. Jenna groaned and leaned her forehead against the steering wheel. Closing her eyes, she told herself that the test had to be negative. It would definitely be negative.

She raised her head and opened her eyes. But what if it wasn’t?