Excerpt: Snapshots

There is a saying. It goes “All stories begin with blood.”
Tacey wasn’t so sure of that as she sat on her little brother’s bed, facing the door
that she had made sure to lock, a long thin kitchen knife in her hand. The flat of the blade
was resting against her thighs and in the light from the neon signs for “Buckeye Joes”
outside her brother’s bedroom window, it gleamed.
As she sat there, ears straining for the tell-tale crashing and swearing that
indicated that her father was home, her hand gripped the black handle so tightly that the
knuckles of her right hand were turning white, she mused that all stories nowadays
seemed to end in blood as well.
Her brother Christopher stirred in his sleep. Tacey gently reached back with her
left hand and stroked Toph’s red hair, rather more fiery than her own darker shade of red.
She squinted at the alarm clock on the nightstand. 2:17 AM, it announced in glowing
green letters, the colour of the soul. She rubbed her eyes, feeling numbed due to lack of
sleep. It had been almost 24 hours since she first got the phone call, and she hadn’t slept
at all since then. It had also been a full hour since Larry had called to tip her off that her
father was coming home after one too many Heinekens. Fan-freaking-tastic. Tacey
bitterly wished that he would crash into a tree on the way home. That would solve several
problems all at once.
In the immortal words of Gene, her boss at work, it had been “one hell of a day.”
And it had all started with a desperate phone call from a frantic mother.
Loni.
Loni Johnson. Loni. “Loni the Bull”, as the kids at Stetler had nicknamed you.
Loni. LJ. Loni Baloney, where are you?
What made you do that? Sure, it sucked being called ‘butch’ wherever you went,
even though you were straight, but hey! I was there too, even if I got called ‘dyke’
because of this. I stuck with you. I was your friend. When you talked, I listened.
So why did you do it?
Tacey blinked and found, to her surprise, that tears were streaming down. She
scowled and wiped them away angrily. Her eyes were already sore, she didn’t need this
again.
Toph stirred again, murmuring something in his sleep. His blue teddy bear fell off
the bed. Tacey bent down and picked it back up again, the knife balanced precariously on
her lap.
It was funny, y’know? Back ages ago when her mother had first took off Tacey’d
often thought of doing it herself, especially when the binge drinking had started, but
somehow she’d never gotten to the point of attempting it. Never. Not once, for in her
mind’s eye she’d see her brother in his toddler bed, asleep. She couldn’t leave him, he
was only six. Tacey was all he had left, and in some strange way Toph was all Tacey had
left too.
She dully placed the teddy bear back into the arms of the sleeping boy, then
sighed softly.
Why hadn’t she seen it?
Sure, Loni’s home life wasn’t the greatest, but who in Stettler High’s was?
Whereas Tacey had to deal with the lack of a mother, her father spending all the cash on
booze so that she barely had enough left for the rent and groceries, and a little brother to
raise, Loni had two brothers in jail and was constantly teased for her looks and belittled
for her masculine approach to life.
It was weird. In the days leading up to the Incident Loni had shown no behavior
changes or changes in her home life. The very last time Tacey had seen her Loni was
quite cheerful, talking about several big parties that were happening over the weekend,
parties that she’d never be able to attend now. It made no sense! Why would this young
woman, whose outlook on life seemed sunny at worst, suddenly kill herself?

They found her several hours after the frantic phone call. ‘They’ were the police.
‘They’ were the ones who found the tape. Loni’s final words. Tacey heard them along
with Loni’s mother.
“I hate my life. I’ve always tried to make a better one, but it didn’t work. I can’t
face this reality that in order to get out of this hell I would have to lose myself, so I take
myself somewhere where there’s no more pain. Momma, don’t worry. I’m not going to
Hell. I don’t care what the damn Catholics say. I’ve already been there.
“So, if these are my last words, let me play it straight. Momma, Daddy, don’t cry.
Your little girl loves you and is happy now. Ben, Simon, smarten up. I hate what you two
did to our family and me, but I don’t hate you.
“Anna, Jack, Tacey and Gordon; you’ve all been the best friends I’ve ever had,
and I’ll say ‘Hi’ to God for you. I’m the coach in your corner now.
“As for the jerks at Stettler? I only have three words for you. Go. To. Hell.”
That was it. Her final words were of hate, not of love. Tacey still heard the
ringing in her ears from Eloise’s screams as her daughters message rang out.
They found the tape in her father’s car, which was parked by the river. They still
hadn’t found the body yet. Loni could never swim.

Tacey held the knife in front of her and inspected it critically. There were several
scratches along the blade, but it was sharp. It was meant to cut meat, but it could be used
for ‘other’ purposes as well.
How would Loni see the knife? Would she see it as merely a kitchen tool, or as a
way of escape? With one action the old image of Loni had been swept away and had been
replaced with a new, sadder and angrier Loni. Bitter. Tacey felt horrible. All this time and
she had never known that Loni felt the way that she did.
Sick. Tacey thought. It was sick what she did. She was a good person, wasn’t she?
Yes. I knew her. I guess I didn’t know her well enough.
There was the sudden rustling of a body moving, and a small hand touched her
leg. Tacey looked down. Her brother’s wide blue eyes stared back.
“Tacey?”
“Go back to sleep, Toph.”
“Don’t die.”
“What?” Tacey jerked back in surprise.
“Don’t go where Loni went. It’d be lonely without you.”
How did he know? I didn’t even tell him that Loni had…you know, I just told him
that she was gone!
“Don’t worry, I won’t die.”
“Don’t kill Daddy either. You’d go to jail, and then I’d be alone.”
Tears welled up into Tacey’s eyes even as she bit back a smile. She patted her
brother on the head.
“Go back to sleep, Toph.”
“Why do you have a knife?”
“Because I’m playing the guardian angel tonight.”
Toph settled down, but did not close his eyes. Five minutes past. Then,
“Tacey?”
“Yes?”
“Why’d she do it?”
Tacey sniffed, the tears spilled over for the hundredth time that day.
“Loni was…unique.” She finally choked out. Toph was young. He would only be
able to understand this one way.
“Once upon a time there was a herd of sheep, guarded by a foolish shepherd. In
this flock of sheep there was a single black lamb. The other sheep were jealous, and
wanted the black lamb to be just like them, so they mocked her and teased her and
dragged her into the river each day to try and wash all the dark out of her wool. The lamb
hated this and tried to go to the shepherd to tell him about it. He listened politely, but did
nothing. When he saw what was happening, he turned his face away.
“One day, after a brutal washing where she almost drowned, the black lamb grew
desperate and ran away, far away, towards the only other creature the lamb knew; the
wolf.
“The lamb ran to his lair and threw herself at the pile of bones at his feet.
“‘Please sir!’ She begged. ‘Make this pain stop!’ My brothers and sisters cause
the pain and the shepherd pretends it doesn’t happen. Please help me! You are my only
friend.’
“The wolf was hungry, and he was also crafty. He said ‘I know a way to make the
madness stop. Follow me, my pet.’ So she did. She followed him through the woods and
meadows and down to the river, the very same place where the other sheep dragged her
each day.
“‘Step into the water, and all the pain will go away.’ The wolf said.
“‘The sheep already do that every day, and I don’t want to lose my color. I just
want it to stop.’
“‘They won’t stop, even if the shepherd intervenes.’
“‘What am I to do then?’
“For once in his life the wolf’s pity of the little creature overruled his appetite.
“‘My little lamb, if you step into the water you will not be coming out again. Step
in, and you will go to a better place, where there is no more crying and no more pain,
only love, acceptance and kindness.’
“‘So to end the pain all I have to do is step into the water.’
“‘Yes.’
“‘But if I do, I’ll die.’
“‘Yes.’
“The lamb stood at the water’s edge for several minutes and thought about it. The
wolf sat nearby, waiting quietly. It was up to the lamb now.
“Then the lamb slowly walked forward into the clear liquid and vanished.”
Both brother and sister were crying now. “Finished the story.” Toph whimpered.
“The wolf found the lamb, dead, with a smile on her face some time later. Just as
he was about to take his first bite the shepherd came running. He was screaming and
crying, and he kicked the wolf away. The wolf ran, his plot foiled. Then the shepherd
gently picked up the black lamb, cried into her wool, and carried her home. He showed
the other sheep what had happened, and they cried and were ashamed of what they did.
Then they buried her, and forever remembered her.”
“Do you understand now, Toph?”
“Uh huh.” Toph sat up and crawled into Tacey’s lap, being mindful of the knife.
“Loni’s the lamb.”
“Yes. She didn’t want to feel pain anymore. What she did was wrong, plain and
simple, and it’s going to hurt a lot of people, but she probably felt that she had to do it to
bring her point across.” Tacey scrubbed her cheeks, and then hugged Toph, bringing the
gleaming knife in front of them both.
“Toph, I want you to promise me that if anything goes really wrong in your life,
that you tell me. Don’t keep it secret.”
“’k.” Toph buried his face into her chest. “G’night Tacey.”
“Good night, Toph.”
Her brother’s breathing steadily slowed, lulled to sleep by his sister’s heartbeat.
And the foolish shepherd would not sleep for the rest of the night.