Excerpt: Immortal Story

1

I'm weird. People haven't ever said so in so many words (too afraid, maybe?), but I feel that they feel it. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so sensitive to what people around me were feeling. I'm always just outside the periphery of being part of a group. Any group. I consider it a blessing most of the time. But sometimes, like every 'human', I want to feel like I belong. Just belonging to one other person would be enough for me. Preferable actually.... Like I said, weird.

I'm sighing as I say this, but I guess it's partly my fault. I could work harder at being like others. Shriek at the appropriate moments during horror movies, prefer the company of humans to animals (instead of the other way 'round), not enjoy my own company so much, accept invitations to events when they're given, pay more attention to the latest fashions, or more specifically, wear them.

It's not like I'm completely oblivious of the normal social order, 'tho. I make it a point to know what the hot new tv shows, actors and top 10 songs are (especially the music), and since I collect movies, I can discuss those and centuries worth of music instantly. When no one even comes close to knowing music or movies past a couple of decades, no matter what their age, it depresses me, so I find myself dumbing down the conversation, then I get bored, and then I drift away. It's inevitable.

I even use Facebook, and really like it. I don't actually have to be in the same room with these people in order to maintain a relationship with them. Those Facebook guys really deserve a pat on the back for that. And don't even get me started on the internet and how much it's brought me back into the main stream of things.

My best 'trick' I think, is language. Not so much different languages, but picking up the current slang and cadence, and using it at appropriate moments depending on the crowd. For the 18-22 set, I say my weekend was pretty chill, how many times I tweeted, and that I was super bored...dood, seriously. If I'm standing with someone older (say, 25 - 35), I might discuss micro breweries, who got engaged to whom, and the state of the market, using age-approriate metaphors...whatever. For the next generation, it would be the 'do you remember?' conversation, and maybe how I found a childhood toy on eBay for under $1000 and had to have it, given that toy collecting (big and small) becomes all the rage as you enter middle age. Language is like a mask for me. It makes me ageless. Inside joke.

But, as there must always be a balance in all things, I also have a 'tell'. A flaw, a quirk in my personality that shows know matter how I old I am. Basically, I just don't understand human behavior. For example, I've met humans, although very young, who seem to have come equipped with some ancient knowledge. They just know. How to read people, how to ease through life, confident in their direction. Then, there are the people that really baffle me. Those that can say one thing and think an entirely different way. Basically, these people are born liars, and very good at it. I couldn't tell an effective lie to save my life. It wanders across my face so boldly, I was actually laughed at the time or two I attempted it, so I am always exceptionally careful. Their knowing of things is what separates me. No matter how well I fake it, the limited human instinct senses my confusion. They think like toothless predators. If they only really knew about me. This is me sighing again.

But enough about me. There is a specific reason I wanted to start documenting my life in this way, and I have the rest of my life to tell you my story. Sorry. Inside joke again.