Excerpt: Dear Dad

November 1, 2009
Dear Dad,
Hi. How are you? What a dumb question to ask. It’s not as if I’m actually expecting a response.
I bet you didn’t expect to hear from me. Mark’s the letter writer, I’m sure you know. Michelle, maybe. She was always “daddy’s little girl.” Even Tommy, if I thought he’d ever denounce his manliness, pick up a pen, and put his feelings down on paper. But not me.
You’ve probably guessed this wasn’t my idea. It was Vivian’s – my counselor. Yeah, counselor. I can just see your eyes rolling; I know how anti-therapy you always were. But it’s helped me in the past, and I’m hoping it can help me again. And the way I see it, it’s all your fault I’m there. She thinks putting my thoughts down on paper will help me work through everything that’s happened and maybe even help me forgive you. I don’t really understand how that’s supposed to work when I’ll never get a response letter to clear things up, but I’ll just trust that she knows what she’s talking about. She’s got multiple degrees hanging on her office wall. I guess that means something.
I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say to you. “Hey dad, thanks for messing up my life,” just doesn’t seem like enough, but maybe it’s a good start. I’m sure you always knew you weren’t a very good father to any of us, though for some reason the others never seemed to mind. They’re more like you. Of course, they didn’t turn out so well either. Maybe you’re not proud of me for going to counseling instead of “dealing with my problems by myself, like a man,” but are you proud of Michelle? Proud of her three babies from three fathers? Oh, you oohed and ahhed over the cute little bastards when they were born, but how can you be happy with how your sweet little girl turned out? Sucking down cigarettes by the pack at her waitress gig, trying to support the kids. And Tommy, drinking his life away… Becky left him, you know. Can you blame her? Mark’s doing alright now, I guess, but he’s got his share of problems, too. It’s not easy to find a job when you’ve got a record. At least Sophie is supportive of his progress.
But this isn’t about them. Or at least, I don’t think it’s supposed to be.