Captain O'Bollocks Strikes Again!
an excerpt

Captain O’Bollocks had a wench in every port, but the only woman he loved was his mother. Sebastian knew this because Cook had told him so; Cook had heard it from Tansy who had heard it from the new carpenter, Jack. Jack knew because he had been in the Captain’s cabin and had seen a picture of a stout white-haired woman in a gilded frame hanging on the wall.

“Who is that, Captain?” Jack had asked; Jack was too new to know that they did not ask the Captain personal questions.

But the Captain must have been in a good mood that day because according to Cook, he hadn’t gone into a rage at all and had simply sighed and run his hand over the edge of the golden frame and said, “Aww, Mum. The only woman I’ll ever love.”