Excerpt: Shining

I spent another boring day working on the songs. Well, I say working, but really, I was sitting around staring at the walls and wondering what I was doing in Tokyo if I was just going to stay inside and work. And it felt like work, not something exciting and new and different. Maybe that’s why I really wasn’t in the mood to work on the songs. It had become work.

Music shouldn’t be about work. Sure, I supposed it could be work, but it never felt like it to me, especially if it was something I was enjoying. But even before I hit this stumbling block, I had been feeling a bit run down and tired. Maybe I should just put the work aside and doing some wandering on my own. It wasn’t as if I was needed anywhere until later on tonight.

Thus decided, I headed out. Tokyo was awake and thumping along, salarymen mixed with schoolgirls, cosplayers and everyone else. I tied my hair back, shoved a baseball hat over my hair and wore a pair of glasses for a disguise, mingling with them. It was amazing at how people could still recognize me after all these years, as if I just left the stage yesterday instead of three years ago. Then again, I did just that the other night for Bad Luck’s debut.

Anyways, I went to a couple music stores and listened to some of the albums on display. I stopped at a noodle vender and had some noodles and a hot cup of tea, and spent some time at a neighboring bar where I got into a heated discussion over a game of Go. Around noon, I ended up at a karaoke bar and sang a few rounds before someone recognized my voice, and then I was chased around the place until I ducked on to a train.

The train took me uptown, where I spent a couple hours wandering along the main streets, peering at business fronts and spending time talking to a bunch of kids playing music and dancing. Then I was hungry so I found a pricy restaurant that wasn’t going to let me in until I took off my disguise and beamed at them. The food was worth the hassle even though I really didn’t need to eat as much as they were willing to give me. So I got a doggy bag of goodies before I left.

By the time six came around, I was standing outside of NG tired, carrying food and smiling pretty for the guy manning the front desk. He had to call up to Tohma’s office before I was let through – something which made me feel a bit irritated. I mean, seriously. I was Ryuichi Sakuma, not some star-struck kid looking for stardom.

I was in a mood when I finally reached Tohma’s floor. Tohma was waiting for me at the doors and he took the bag of goodies from me, arching an eyebrow at my expression. Seeing his face, I tried calming down but it was no use. The whole day was just off to me.

“Thank you for the food, Ryuichi,” he said, opening the container and digging in. “I forgotten how late it was and the kitchen staff has already left for the day.”

”Tohma needs to take care of himself,” I replied, flopping into a chair. “Tohma would get sick and I’ll be really sad.”

“I wouldn’t want to see you sad, Ryuichi.”

“It’s not fun at all,” I said, putting my feet on the chair and wrapping my arms around my knees. Tohma looked up from the papers he was working on, the worry line on his face turning into a different kind of frown.

“Ryuichi?”

I huffed and rested my chin on my knees. Funny thing was that I had a good time today. There was nothing to really make things crash so fast except that guy downstairs. Yet I was feeling just bad. That was another problem I had been noticing lately – the sudden shifts in my mood when before I was usually just happy go lucky.

“Did the guard upset you?”

I heard the real concern in his voice and looked up. Tohma was reaching for the phone, his eyes and mouth hard. I dropped my feet to the floor and reached over, putting my hand on top of his.

“Let it go, Tohma. It’s not the guy’s fault.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded and tried smiling. It didn’t seem to work, but at least he stopped trying to pick up the phone. I could tell that he was still upset, his eyes hard as he watched me. Then closing the file he was reading, he sat back in his chair, his hands resting neatly in his lap.

“Ryuichi, if something is bothering you, you need to tell me,” he said, breaking the silence.

“I don’t know what’s bothering me,” I replied, standing. I stretched and started wandering around his room, touching the few boring pictures on the walls, giving the potted plants a poke. I stopped in front of the only spot of bright color – a glossy photograph of the three of us, posing right before the Farewell Tour. Of course, no one knew at the time it was our last tour, so the picture hadn’t been in such high demands until after the last announcement.

I heard the rustling of papers and I almost expected Tohma going back to work. Instead, I could feel his body heat and smell his cologne. I looked up over my shoulder and he was there, his eyes dark and his face pale. He touched his forehead against mine.

“Don’t lock me out.”

“Did you ever think you did it to me first?” I replied, pulling away. Sighing at my outburst, I rubbed my forehead. “Saa, I’m tired. Can we just go meet up with everyone and talk about this later?”