Excerpt: indecision

Ellen closed her eyes tightly and let the gentle rocking of the train lull her into her deep thought. She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees, trying not to be in the way of the passengers sitting around her, but also trying to be comfortable.

She found that she could slip so easily into her fantasy world, which was a dark tangle of dangerous thought, a deep forest with large dead trees and sharp brambles, where everything was grey or black in color. There was a very well worn path leading into the woods, but no other visible signs of life. It was hers and hers alone to wander and find herself lost in. Most times, her mind would take her to a large clearing in the trees. There, in the middle of the glad was a deep hole in the ground, an open grave. She would approach the grave and peer down, only to find it empty. She would fight with herself not to climb down into the dark hole. She would allow herself to stand on the edge, the hard packed ground holding her firmly while she looked down the sheer walls carved into the earth. She wished the earth would give way and consume her. She wanted to lie at the bottom of the grave and let the world and everything in it slip away, but for whatever reason, she could not let herself. She let mind drift back to reality, work, and her life. She tried to blot out her sadness.