Spiritually Abusive Communities

well, i have heard of a type of prayer closet that a child may be placed in either following a sin or even just thinking unpure thoughts. They are locked in a sort of closet with candles, crosses, other religious relics for hours at a time expected to pray and ask for forgiveness for their sins or evil thoughts. That sounds kind of scary and cruel for a child. Hope this helps.

Probably the biggest factor in this abuse is the fear of God. Take a few minutes and think about what it would be like to believe that an entity with the power to destroy you knows exactly what you are doing, thinking, and feeling ALL the time. You would feel as if every move you make is being watched and judged. Add on top of that the shame of believing that your parents whom you love and admire have never had to worry about making mistakes because they are perfect. And on top of that add the fear that other children like you will be perfect and you will be left behind. You begin to envy others or even hate the one who has given you this burden (God). And then you would believe that God knows you harbor such feelings! What you get is anguish. If the adults in the community encourage such feelings, that is abuse. And an adult looking back on such a society will see it as abuse.

On a more detailed note - I've heard that very fundamental Christians sometimes become so fearful of sin that they begin to FEEL the sin on their bodies after they think they've done something wrong. They feel it coating their skin like dirt or oil. At this point some of them will go to the showing and rub their skin with soap or sand until they turn red or even bleed in order to get the sin off. You could have a child doing this to himself after sinning or you could have a parent who believes their child has done something wrong do it. Ouch.

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Having to pray for hours on end for one little wrong thing. Maybe having to write standards (I have sinned...I have sinned...) would also make it very unpleasant (because no one enjoys standards).
Fasting for long periods of time, or just given the bare minimum.
I like the idea of the "prayer closet", because it would be psychologically scarring, especially to small children.

Researching different cults might help with finding realistic punishments and practices, too.

Instilling a strong belief that anyone outside the community, especially someone who leaves the community, is unsaved and doomed to an eternity in hell. It's part of what Fred Phelps did to his kids.

Hello.

Questions would not be allowed. There are "the" answers to all questions, and those are the only answers. To voice the opinion that The Answer might be inadequate would immediatly subject the questioner to a series of punishments. And God forbid someone thinks you think something. Once they tattle, the religious and/ or social leader of the group sits you down and drills you until they are satisfied that you either believe properly or are going to Hell. Then they let you know what God thinks.....and, no - "He would not [condescend to] talk to [the likes of] you" [implied via tone of voice and facial expression].

Someone in my church walked up to me once after Service and handed me a book. He said, "I understand you have some questions. This book contains all the questions and their answers." I read the book, and those weren't my questions, but the gentleman always insisted they were - because those were ALL the questions, one of them had to be the one I was wondering about. I wasn't even in a cult, or anything. Just a very concervative mainstream church group. When you're in it, it is entirely normal - even perceived as beautiful.

A friend's husband died. Members of her church came to visit her and rather than help, comfort, ohh, so sorry about your loss......they began to berate her and question her faith and obedience 1) because the husband had died - she obviously hadn't prayed enough and 2) the house was messy. She believed them in her current emotional state. Later, when she was stronger, I helped her get VERY angry. She's still in that church, though.

Punishments are always administered "because I love you" and "for your own good" - which, in normal reality, they honestly are - but in warped world, it's WHAT's being punished and how that makes it abusive. IE - my daughter has friends who have to stand in the living room for 10 min. with their arms out like Jesus on the Cross if they don't sort their laundry correctly. This is the punishment that was advised by their preacher. But that's in the eye of the beholder - I think that's ridiculiously extreame.

This invasive sort of control works its way into everything. There are perscribed methods and proceedures at the most miniscule levels of human life (ie. when you wash your face, you must rinse it 3 times - there WILL BE a test later. One time each in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.)

The real world is not relevant. The leaders construct the world they want you to live in. Anything else is censored or explained away. "Anybody with half a brain can see that........(insert whatever very sensable sounding falsehood you prefer here)......." After while, the lies don't even have to make sense.

Many of the initial falsehoods are true in a different sense - for example, the deconstruction process could be said to require the spritual death of the person who breaks out. So - in a manner of speaking - the leaders were right, if you leave, you will die. Not physically, but someone that dependant and that unable to ...say...even know what groceries to buy without being told, would not be able to function in everyday life. The person who walks out would be totally different than the doormat who was in there. They'd need someone to lean on while they learned the ropes the rest of us know.

Does that make any sense? Hope it helps.

KimB

TNX - KimB

Guilt. Guilt is huge, and easily manipulated, even in religious situations that aren't terribly confining/abusive. If they tell a child that something(a death, an accident, anything, really) is their fault because they didn't pray enough or believe enough or because they committed some small sin, that can haunt a child into their adulthood.

Also, this has a lot of interesting information here; there might be some ideas you can use: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_abuse

~L.A.
Auburn, Alabama ML

Read The Book of Fred by Abby Bardi. The abuse factor is probably a little stronger than you want in your story, but the psychological effects of living in a cult are well developed and discussed. Plus, it's a really good book.

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One useful tool is the casual ridicule of those who step slightly out of line by those who aren't actually in authority. Peer pressure is an effective weapon, especially against the young.

Anything that is different from what the leaders teach is wrong, and wrong means damnable. God has no grace; He is only there to catch you doing something wrong and punish you for it. Good behavior, as defined by authority, is always rewarded; therefore if you are suffering at all, it's because you have sinned. If someone close to you dies, you must have had wicked thoughts or done something impious. Sometimes the community will abandon the person to their despair, basically saying that they have to deal with it on their own--punish themselves, pray constantly, fast for insanely long periods, do some specific unreasonable pennance. Other times, they may try to "help" the person by purging the evil from him or her (and therefore from the community). For ideas on this, you might try "Foxe's Book of Martyrs", especially the chapters on John Huss and Rowland Taylor, and also any detailed accounts you can find of the Salem Witch Trials. These might be very extreme examples...but sometimes an abusive community that doesn't actually go to that extent will still point to things like them in order to create fear in small children.

Also...if the orphans you're writing about come from a place that follows even slightly different religious practices (in my case, it was coming from a Free Methodist background into a conservative Lutheran community), members of that community might try to "educate" the "wrong teachings" out of them in a way that sets them apart to be ostracized by their peers. The community religious leader may in some way single them out in a visible way (in a religion class, for instance), then in effect say, "Here's what the heretics elsewhere believe, but here's what is absolutely *true*." The leader might be thinking that the more pious classmates will be shining examples living out that truth and explaining it to their new peers, but the sad truth is that children as a rule are horrible and would treat these new arrivals horribly, using the excuse that they are impious heretics. Pressure toward "right" thinking could then be brought to bear in an effort to force them to conform so that the hurtful treatment will stop.

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I think some people may be forgetting your comment about not horribly abusive. Some of the really horribles above might fit your story better if things like the rubbing-skin-off weren't directly in the lives of the orphans but were known to be practised in some parts of the community.

Guilt and there-is-only-one-way are common even in non-abusive churches (by no means universal of course, but you're aiming for a special case) but even theologically conservative communities can be kind and loving. Jonathan Edwards, for example -- famously fire-and-brimstone in his preaching -- was reputed to always be happy to put down what he was working on when his family (or, at least, his wife) wanted to talk to him (not particularly relevant for your story, however).

Paying attention to only some bible verses and not others very strongly emphasizes unchecked patriarchal control, which historically has made actual child abuse more common. For 'not horribly abusive' this could mean only a couple of households having the problem, but the orphans being terrified if word got out of what was happening to some other kids.

Emphasis on the idea that God might call you to do something you're really afraid of might be a real scare -- stories of martyrs, maybe, or even just fear of being sent to China as a missionary.

I'm told some of the Catholic word-pictures for eternity in hell were pretty terrifying.

If you wanted the adults to not be quite so horrible as some people were suggesting, some beliefs of some denominations can be pretty scary even if your caregivers are nice, such as the idea that demons are real and actively trying to make things bad for you.

If you want something realistic you might want to check out anti-Ezzo ("Growing Kids God's Way"), Anti-Debi and Michael Pearl ("Train up a child") type communities. Or Salons': http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/05/25/the_pearls/index_np.html

(I am also not saying all fundamentalist or Christians are abusive, nor all users of such books, however, they'll give you the right flavor. )

I might not be an expert, but let's say I've seen plenty of movies and even experienced spiritual type abuse myself. Of course just because people claiming to be Christians do tend to get abusive one way or another, that doesn't mean their image of God is exactly correct.

Me personally, I'd prefer to read a story like that ONLY IF in the end the children eventually learn that God isn't as cruel as their supposed 'Christian' community is.

As for abuse types...many Christian's use the 'spare the rod' thing as a liscense to abuse children I suppose. They hit kids out of anger (when it doesn't do the kids any good or they might not even be truly to blame), beat the older kid for setting a bad example or for something the younger kid does, or severely punishes a kid, and uses that 'spare the rod' thing as their 'right' to do it...(of course in reality I really don't think that's what God meant. I believe He has no intentions of children being abused in the way they are and have been.)

Also, there's forcing the kids to copy Bible verses when they do bad things...this will give them a bad impression of God's word, making them feel like it's a punishment instead of a blessing (people really shouldn't do that...).

Trying to force them to be perfect in every way, from the way they wash to the way they dress, date, play, etc, and constantly criticise them and threaten them, etc (this has happened to me). God accepts us before we become perfect (as we can only do through Him anyway)...don't know how clear I made that.
Or parents insisting that they ARE perfect or always right or should be respected even if they don't respect their child (big issue with this one in my life, maybe not the 'perfect' but the always right and should be respected thing).

So yea, while you're making points of all the bad things, please bring someone into the story to give them hope. It doesn't have to be a happy ending, like maybe they still need to recover...but just please don't make a story that doesn't show any good signs of Christianity, as there are many good Christians out there.

Oh right, despite how I was raised, I did know Christians that I trust and love very much, who are better examples than those "Christians" who abuse children...and if they do mess up, they usually admit that they made mistakes in what they did, and that they weren't perfect. I still go to church, and I love God, and I know He loves me, and I'm trying to change not because of how I was raised, but because of this love ^^.

"No thanks necessary for honesty."

Not putting too much on the physical abuse, but I felt I should mention two details I immediately thought of...

Religious people tend to have the "spare the rod, spoil the child" theory. God says that beating your kids is right.

One family I heard about through the grapevine around here (meaning there's only a 40% chance that it's true) made the children, after disobeying, kneel on a broom handle and copy scripture for a certain amount of time. I don't know if you've ever knelt on a broom handle, but there is no way to get comfortable with your knees digging into it. That same family, I believe, had all of their children present when a physical punishment was administered. Something like...I don't remember which bible verse it is, but it was about gathering during times of grief or something along those lines.

As far as mental goes, just teaching them guilt and fear and disappointment should suffice. That's torment enough. Especially if your characters gradually become OCD, where they have to do everything perfect or they have a mental breakdown.

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Actually, in a real-life situation, I once knew a girl whoes family was like that.
Of course, she was taken out of the family by child-services (or whatever it's called).

Anyways, the family basically lived their life around the book of revelations. I didn't ask her much, because to be quite frank, I didn't want to know about an abusive family. I do know that they were basically crazy and went way overboard with this book.

Now that I think about it, there's an episode of The X-Files with an abusive christian family that based their life around the book of revelations.
Now I think she's lieing!
Haha
Check that episode out. I'm not to sure what it's called though XD
Look it up on google!!

Hey! I'm writing something *similar* and after stuff, too-- thankyou for this thread.

From what I've researched, the fear of god and of hell (no, I'm being serious) are big controlling factors. Another is the fact that people "talk," and something reasonably benign can become church gossip quickly and can be easily turned against the person.

Other ones: generalised psychological abuse: making anyone who asks questions appear stupid or wrong or "lacking in faith." Have you ever talked to an Amway convert? Seriously, the moment you go, "Hang on, I'm expected to pay HOW MUCH?" they'll tell you you're a dream-killer and you just don't want to be successful: and may even turn it arond on you and ask why you're so messed up and feel so undeserving of success.

They dangle carrots in front of their members' noses, preying on things people need (or feel they need). Being accepted, community, being liked, being *special*-- and being "one of the cool kids." (Note the recent trend towards "pop culture Christianity" where the members are all hip and cool and *super*nice and where God wants you to be rich and special and *saved*) Money, at some point, is a big drawcard, though for your characters, it mightn't be.

Everything is "backed up" by the words of "leaders" or by interpreting the Bible however they feel like it.

Another one, which will make it *unpleasant* is work: a lot of the huge culty churches thrive on tax breaks though their own staff (well, the majority, the low-down guys) get paid a pittance or expected to do work "for god's will" and not get paid for it. (Anyone making big money is often expected to tithe if they're working *outside* the church, and they're often well-linked in with businesses, meaning they can support and look after their own. Sometimes those businesses may have been set up by the church, and the people owning them are paying it back for them, and are expected to endorse various "charity groups." Oftentimes, too, these businesses look really NICE: like they're helping poor people get jobs or providing a service in a remote area, too. Looking nice and being vague seem to be cornerstones of the whole shebang. Some will go so far as to have their own selected list of businesses who the church are expected to use above all others.)

It's a great way to cheaply produce all sorts of things, from food to crappy CDs. Often the work is long and tiresome: as well as achieving a goal on the cheap for the church, it also makes sure the members are occupied and too tired to fight or ask questions.

[And... I know. I'm not a Christian, and it sickens me to see people being exploited in the name of faith and Jesus and such.]

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There is a group who actually sell implements for beating your own kids and specifies what sized implements for what ages, as well as how to stop any bleeding-heart-hell-bound-lefties from wanting to ring Child Protective Services, too. I'm not linking to them, though the LJ community Dark_Christian has some great information on these nutballs. So does a blogger called Heart (and I don't have her address, unfortunately) who talks about how some of the people selling these things are actually cult members who might be living in squalor (a family of six living in a bus, anyone) so they aren't living in debt.

Another one is Gary Ezzo. I've heard that Babywise has been republished and stuff's been taken out, but was aware that there was one section in one publication of that book which advocated hitting your crawling baby in order to "break its spirit."

Another thing you might want to look at is some of the information about Andrea Yates, the woman found guilty of murdering her four children. There are reports that the pastor in her community, and other community members, were subjecting her to standard psychological-- with a spiritual undertone-- abuse. From what I gather, she was mixed up with one of those "Break out the rods and hit your kids for god" people. :/

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Unfortunately, I was subjected to spiritual abuse growing up. It wasn't my parents; it was the school. So I think I can help you out with some of the things I saw.

They never struck or hit anyone. But they strongly emphasized that if you didn't believe in Jesus that you were going to hell, and that anyone who believed differently was going to hell as well. And if you were even the slightest bit different, you were ridiculed and shunned constantly amidst your peers. And the adults would let it go and do nothing about it. And you were supposed to feel certain things when you prayed or worshiped a certain way. If you didn't then somehow you were refusing Jesus. Divorce was not tolerated, nor was non-conformity. Conformity, on that note, was strongly emphasized. You had to dress like everyone else, and follow religion blindly until you lost your individuality. They made us memorize Bible verses, had a Bible class, and we prayed every class period. And conversion was also emphasized. They never took any personal responsibility for what they did wrong- it was always 'the devil tempting them'. They always believed they were right. They would not teach things such as evolution because it was 'against God'. And certain TV shows and movies were a no no because the 'devil would tempt you away and they were innately wicked for not preaching the word.' The teaching was not only focused on kids; they branched out to the parents and the surrounding communities as well, trying to brainwash everyone. They would tell the kids that whatever they did, it had to be God oriented. Nothing could not have God in it. All life was focused on him pretty well.

I hope that helped.

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