Evaluate the Previous Poster's Character

Horace T. Uxorial

I'm getting a bit of a Jabba the Hutt vibe from reading this. He sounds like an interesting character, but without any idea of what he will actually do in your novel, or really what your novel is about, I can't visualize him properly. He sounds sort of disgusting from human standards, but are there any humans around? How will he bring the Mining Combine down?

My character:

Versius

A wraight-knight in service to a God of Dark, Versius serve the role of spy, messenger, and assassin. He is dispatched from the Heart of Darkness on a quest to track down and slay a fledgling God of Light before the god can attain his full powers.

Versius wears black plate armor that is covered by a death shroud. When wearing the shroud his form is bent and he becomes slightly translucent, able to walk through normal sized doors or narrow openings.

Without the shroud, Versius stands at 6'4, about 240 lbs. His head is bald, his skin pale white with a tinge of blue. His eyes are black and hold no emotion.

When combat strikes, he can summon a blade which he wields with great skill. In addition, he is incredibly strong and faster than an ordinary human.

One of Versius' signature abilities (like all wraith-knights) is his ability to enrage. When he does so, thick red veins bulge through his skin, his eyes flare crimson, and his tolerance for pain, strength, and speed increase greatly. After he enrages he must consume live blood within a reasonable amount of time or he becomes weaker and weaker, eventually falling catatonic.

@ Tormsskull

Yeah, this 'versius' guy sounds a bit like something you would encounter during a D&D campaign, especially because of this 'Enrage' thing. That's not a BAD thing, per sé, but powers with such strict rules feel somewhat unnatural.

May I suggest that you take a good look at Berserkers instead (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berserker)? These guys pretty much ahd the same 'ability', but used some more believable methods, with similar drawbacks that you could use for a story.

Well, as for mine:

Richard van Floorhorst

Not a bad guy per sé, this man is the most powerful noble wizard on the area, knows it, and loves it. He is an arrogant man, whoes cleverness let's him get away with pretty much anything. He takes a great interest in far away cultures, which is the cause of his hobby: Collecting people. His personel of servant, advisors and soldiers includes many people from all sorts of different backgrounds, and if they didn't join out of free will, they were tricked.

He has a wide range of spells, yet seems to have some extra affinity for the subtle illusions, rather then blowing stuff up. the images he creates could fool even his fellow wizards.

Always seen wearing a typical cloak and an amulet depicting a fox. Has shoulder lenght hair and the sort of goatee/mustache combo you saw so many times in Pirates of the Caribean.

TVtropes: The bible for writers and readers that will ruin your life.

www.tvtropes.org

@ Majura

Man, your character sounds fascinating! Must admit though, if I met him in real life I would probably punch him in the face. Which bodes well if he is the antagonist. If he is the protagonist it promises to be a very interesting novel! Arrogant characters are always interesting to write, and his hobbies add a certain menace to him that certainly makes him a pretty neat character.

Now for mine!

Loretta Hamil: The daughter of the world sexiest, most powerful chosen one slayer, Loretta has grown up a child of fame. She has been kidnapped a total of 22 times (23 at the start of the novel) and has animosity between her and her mother due to their differences. Where her mom is gorgeous, Loretta is plain and doesn't care so much about the latest beauty products, or losing her "extra" 50 pounds (the amount extra is according to her mother). She likes video games, hanging with friends, and doesn't fancy spending wild passionate nights with her boyfriend. (Because she has seen what kind of disaster that leads to, with how many times she has walked in on her mom in the living room doing...stuff. Ugh.) She pretty much believes romantic love is nothing more than a pathetic excuse to act stupid, abandon reason, and break hearts.

To put it in summery, Loretta just wants a normal life with little chance of kidnappings, and to get out of her mom's house. She has been counting down the days to her finals in high school, and graduation so she can head to college. Except a couple days before her finals she is kidnapped by vampire (what else is new?) and the rescue attempt fails. She decides to chance a escape so she can make it to her finals and not have to repeat a semester. This leads her to rescue, and have to offer some blood to, a vampire who had been kidnapped by the kidnappers as well. They escape... but the bite turns out to have triggered her fathers genes. Turns out her father was or is (her mother never told her who her father was) a vampire, and Loretta is a dhampir by extension.

Cue trying to figure out what the heck is going on, a plot to take over the city by the evil vampires, and Loretta negotiating her new set of powers: Double vision (the bad kind) and fainting if she stays out too long in the sun.

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original.

There are humans around, though they aren't a dominant species on the galactic political scene. As for what Horace gets up to in the narrative, he mostly busies himself with transforming his backwater mayorship into a criminal empire as a way to accrue funds to falsify documents, sabotage the corporation's mining sites and generally roll like a multi-centegenarian pimp. (The novel is a satire about accountability and corporate morality)

NANO 07, A Pattern Torn (Dropped like an unloved child)
NANO 08, Tiberias (Finished!)
NANO 09, The Decline and Collapse of the Hyrzhog-Burluss Corporation: A Love Story

@RoseClown

You're character definitely sounds spunky and full of energy. I like that she isn't a picture of perfection as is so common in most supernatural stories that include vampires these days. I can already get a picture of her and get a sense that she'll have a sharp wit and sense of humor. From what you've said about her I'm betting she'll be a fun protaganist and make the story really interesting to read. I get the impression their is the potential for an interesting love interest between her and the other kidnapped vampire, though with her thoughts on love I'm sure it will have all sorts of hilarious moments mixed in with the romance!

Volund Skallagrimson

Volund is the son of Skallagrim and elder brother of Egil. His mother had died during childbirth when Egil was born, and this leads to some issues between them later in the story. Volund had always dreamt of being a warrior, and when a friend inadvertently resurrects a trolls from an ancient burial mound he sees a chance to be a hero and fix his friends mistake before anyone else finds out. In his reckless battle with the beast Volund nearly dies, only surviving by making a strange agreement with a suspicious apparition to exchange his death for the others life.

When Volund awakes sometime later in bed he comes to find out that everyone thought he killed a bear and only his friend knows the truth of what happened. It’s at this point Volund realizes being a hero isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, and decides to focus on starting a family and living a simple life. It isn’t until later that he comes to realize the true ramifications of the agreement he had made to live.

@ Murray

I didn't really get a grasp of your character's personality from the description, other than the fact that he once wanted to be a warrior and changed his mind upon actually experiencing what it takes to be one. Is he extremely modest and secretive about his desires, or is he the sort of person who boasts about the fact that he'll be a great warrior one day? Does he dash into the fight without having any real knowledge of what to do, or does he actually have some warrior-like ability?

'And this leads to some issues between them later in the story'

Who is the them? His father? His whole family? It seems pretty petty for his family to have 'issues' with him because his mother died in childbirth.

I really like the fact that he chooses to settle down and start a family. I think a lot of people shy away from main characters that are actually parents and/or married. It makes him likeable, and probably more believable.

***

Darby Blackbourne

Darby is the second son to the head of one of the most powerful families in the country. To everyone around him, he is a dull, dimwitted man of few talents. His only real interests are hunting and other 'gentlemanly' sports, none of which he is very good at (although he seems oblivious to this fact). Social graces do not come easily to him, and polite conversation always seems awkward (when he even tries). Although his mother dotes on him and sees him as nothing less than perfect, his father pays him no real attention, except to marry him off to a member of their rival family, Lucille Rush.

In reality, Darby is quite different from what he seems. He is a magiate, a fact which he has kept secret from his family in order to protect them. His dim-witted exterior is a facade to make himself seem uninteresting and non-threatening. Although his social graces still aren't particularly good, he is actually quite bright, and very good at seeing things exactly as they are. His difficulty comes from his tendency to say things as they are, which can make him come across as quite rude.

NaNo 2005: "Untitled" - 957 words (uh, yeah)
NaNo 2006: "Too Far Gone" - 50003 words (Won!)
NaNo 2007: "Crumbs in the Forest" - Didn't even start
NaNo 2008: "Jane" - 2001 words
NaNo 2009: "Hostages to Fortune" - Still going strong!

@ Stormshine

Well, I've a great weakness for the Obfuscating Stupidity trope, so this character's instantly captured my interest. ^^ Dual lives are always very fascinating, and I love how he puts on the facade in part to protect his own family, even though it seems they don't always treat him so well. You've really got yourself a fascinating character to anchor the story around; in particular, it'd make almost every scene with him have a double level, because I can just imagine him thinking his real thoughts about someone he's talking to while putting up the facade while talking to them. A character like that lends himself well to having a strong inner voice, which is what I like most in a character. It seems he's the protagonist, which is great becuase Darby is definitely the kind of character who can hold my interest for an entire book.

On a slightly more shallow note, I like male characters with feminine-sounding names, or at least gender neutral names. So you've sold me on that. XD

Granted, I'm not quite sure what a magiate is; I assume it has something to do with magic?

That being said, I will caution against, well, being too Bruce Wayne -ish, as well as taking care not to make the facade seem too easy. It may be natural for him since he's doing it for a while, but every now and then he's got to make mistakes, got to let it slip. It must be tiring to pretend to be someone else with your every action; eventually he will have to betray himself in little ways. If it's too easy, it becomes unrealistic and thus boring to read.

And also, does his mother have a reason for doting on him so strongly? I can see why the father would be indifferent to him, but I can't really see how he'd be his mother's favorite.

****
Lord Sarastro

The former lord of a prominent castle in the dimension of Feras, one which is connected to the main characters' dimension (some complicated cosmology at work here...if I need to explain it, feel free to ask me). A young-ish man, around twenty-five, with a regal and haughty manner--and nearly unquenchable ambitions. As a matter of fact, a few years ago he decided to act on his ambitions and mount an invasion of the main world, which failed in part because the invaders were only him and a few of his servants. He's been humbled, somewhat, especially after having been imprisoned as a political prisoner in the main world, but his pride has yet to be destroyed and he longs for nothing more than the return to Feras and continue the work that he was "interrupted" in. He's very handsome, with flowing auburn hair and a muscular yet graceful build, but more than his looks the first thing people notice about him is his posture--he holds himself like a king, and loves making melodramatic gestures to accentuate his speeches. Deluded he may be, but no one can deny that he has his own sort of grandeur to him.

There is also an innate nobility and kindness to Sarastro, even though he has trouble expressing it. Like most noblemen in Feras he was bonded to a magical creature in youth; rather than choosing a grand griffin or dragon, he identified with a tiny and sad litle hawk-griffin, who remains one of his best (perhaps his only...) friend, and most loyal companion, to this day. As part of his clemency agreement, he's been forced to help the main characters, and with this interaction finds himself forced to begin considering others as equals...

@Bickazar

Ooh, I love the previously arrogant character! It's liek getting a hint of development without having to deal with really, really wanting to punch them in the face. XD

I really think I like this character. He has a good balance, an awesome blend, and he is just so lovable in his own way. I think you did a great job of balancing traits here. I really have nothing but good things to say, and he aone makes me want to read the book.

She is spunky in the dead pan, won't back down kind of way. And thanks. Her whole point started as trying to subvert the cliche's in the genre, (writing a satire with elements of parody of vampire romance) and I wanted her to be well rounded. And she definitely will have that. And sarcasm. XD I am really looking forward to writing her! And yes, which will be explained in .2 seconds.

My character...

James Connolly: James Connolly is a 116 year old vampire that has overtime not only become content with his lot, but enjoys it. Why not? He is pretty sure his soul isn't gone or damned by now (He has been a Catholic since the day he was born) and he only has to drink a little human blood now... unless he wants to go out into the sun, but that's another matter. He is generally cheerful about everything, loves to work a crowd, and enjoys poetry and singing old 1920's and/or Irish tunes.

Born in Ireland, he was part of The Easter Rising, a rebellion against the British government in Ireland. They lost, and on the night before they surrendered James (back then Ryan McAudell) was turned by one of their British captives. Left abandoned by the one who turned him, he was expected to go crazy and kill many of his allies. By luck he was able to escape, and after a couple nights found his way in a coffin on his way to America. When he found out how his leader James Connolly was killed, he took his name to live by.

Events unfolded leaving him a part of an unusual coven, and overtime he learned to deal with his new life. Not that hedoesn't have his issues, but a hundred years puts things into perspective. Then a group of Vampires catches him on holy ground (something religious vampires keep under wraps on their ability list. There are few enough of them, might as well not make themselves targets) he is kidnapped and beaten and drained to tell them how he accomplishes this. Luckily Loretta finds him on her escape route, and offers an exchange. Her blood for his help. So they escape together only to realize that his bite triggered poor Loretta's 'condition'. Taking responsibility, he proceeds to introduce her to the nightlife. And to his horror discovers he just might love someone that is a good deal younger than him.

Sum up in one sentence? He is a cheerful socialist Catholic Vampire.

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original.

(ARGH. I keep evaluating the wrong person... this is fail.)

@RoseClown
Hehe. Cheerful vampire. I was among the first to review your evaluation oh those many weeks ago, and it's nice to see your character all fleshed out now. He sounds like a pretty normal person, which I personally enjoy. Apparently vampirism=/=angsting, eh? That pleases me. One thing I'm noticing is that I don't see any visible flaws for him at this juncture. Maybe you just didn't want to write them down, but he doesn't seem to have too many obstacles in his way, other than, you know, the whole vampire thing.

I like how he chose his name, haha. That's some neat backstory. :)

@bickazer
I really like Sarastro! He sounds like the type of character I could easily bond with. I like that he has just as many flaws as he does strengths, and I like your description of how he speaks, and his awkwardness in social situations. I can personally appreciate that (and a few of my noble characters have issues like that as well, so of course someone like that would be close to my heart). The fact that he bonded with a hawk-griffin is just adorable, and I'll leave it at that.

I love this. I love nobles who have a difficult time associating others who are 'below' them as equals. It is a very believable reaction, having grown up in a situation where they are above everyone else. It's a difficult thing to adjust to, I'm sure. I also can't complain that he's handsome... he sounds handsome. Mmm, yes. I do enjoy this man. /thumbs up!

____

Character Name: Fortun Badeau
Age: 26
Affiliation: Antagonist

Fortun is the only son of one of the four remaining aristocratic families in the country of Nesot. He grew up comfortably, well-known in the capital city as somewhat of a child prodigy along with his elder sister. Both of them showed an unusual amount of intelligence and logic regarding strategy, both on a political and military front. While his sister took the lead in political and economic dealings for her family, Fortun was thrust into the ranks of the military. He struggled his way up the ladder until he received the premature and mostly unwarranted title of 'general' at the young age of 20.

Despite his rank and well-established intelligence, Fortun constantly second-guesses himself (possibly because of his sister's intellectual superiority), and often seeks advice from his sister, who delights in mocking him for his lack of confidence. Fortun probably doesn't deserve his rank, but he strives to do what he can to honor the Badeau family name. He also supports his sister's strong aspiration to restore magic--a force they've never seen in use due to its inexplicable collapse some sixty years ago--with the intention of gaining supremacy among the four aristocratic families. Or so he's led to believe.

Though Fortun has been trained in public speaking and knows how to command a captive audience, he would much rather avoid social interaction. He cares little for political matters and relations, spending his spare time repairing his family's windmills in solitude, and sending others to attend social gatherings in his stead. Fortun is fond of music and playing strategic games, the former because it's something he could never discipline himself to learn, and the latter because they come naturally to him and are easy to win. He loves winning, and can be a bit of a sore loser. Due to his height (6'3"), he often slouches in the private of his own home; the slouch is nowhere to be seen in public. He is a difficult person to befriend, but once someone connects with him, he becomes fiercely loyal to that person.

Fortun has reddish-brown hair, a long, straight nose, and wears spectacles to correct his near-sightedness.

Some of the acts he's committed on the military front are horrifying, one of his most shameful consisting of the murder of innocent Nesot natives in direct accordance of his sister's demands. The guilt that plagues him years later for blindly following his sister's orders is ultimately his undoing.

NaNo 2009 - Western Fantasy

deviantART | LIVEjournal

Ha! I love how he's not emo or brooding about his vampirisim and actually seems to take enjoyment out of life or unlife. I love the way he takes responsibility, too and a great backstory. There's nothing much I can say about him other than I like him and I would want to read a story about him. I would be interested to see how his religion plays in his life. ..unlife whatever.

Josiah Cuffey, tall and thin and pale, Josiah, now 19, was homeschooled by his Grandmother from an early age and because of that rarely left the house. He is actually content to stay in his room with his oils and paints and canvas and look out the windows and paint what he sees but mostly his paintings lend to the bizarre with white smoky or shadowy shapes and somehow he can't get the hang of people. Josiah and his grandmother really bonded over horror movies. She loved them, he was terrified, but it was something they could do together. Because of this, unfortunately, Josiah and his vivid imagination imagines monsters and other nightmares where there are none. He is mildly paranoid about everyone he meets but ultimately wants to help people if he sees they are hurt, even if it means risking his life.

@ Intention
He sounds like an interesting and well developed character, but there's one thing I didn't understand: "He struggled his way up the ladder until he received the premature and mostly unwarranted title of 'general' at the young age of 20." How old was he when he entered the military? Why was he made a general? And how did he struggle his way up the ladder if he's pretty much handed a title?

@night_mare
A lone artist and slightly paranoid person, okay. That makes sense. But why is it that he wants to help hurts people? What motivates him to do that?

My Character:

Ilona Nightingale

Ilona is the daughter of a sorcerer (who had wind, water, and fire magic) and a seer (light magic). Her father died when she was young, so her mother raised her. Her mother earns her living as a fortune teller. She grew up on the fringes of society, and she made few friends during her childhood.

Ilona's life takes a turn for the worse when she's abducted by river pirates. The captain proceeds to break her and then exploits her power -- making her help track down ships and find their cargo, manipulate the weather, and disable the ships. Ilona hates him with a passion.

Ilona eventually stages a mutiny and tosses the captain into the river. She then changes her name to Ilona Soranka, the black wind's daughter. She goes on to become the most feared pirate on the rivers. She's hunted down by the best pirate chasers in the business, but she destroys them all.

It's not until after she's arrested and listens to a list of all her crimes that she realizes she's become everything she hated in the captain.

"What you create doesn’t have to be perfect. So what if the eggs are greasy or the toast is burned? Don’t let fear of failure discourage you." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

@ Intention:

Fortun really sounds like my kind of character--I love the "weak" (I use "weak" not as in "poorly-written", but as in "lacking much moral strength") type of characters who are thrust into situations they probably don't have the temperament/skills for (wonderful example: Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica). I think I'd like to know a little more about Fortun's sister, since she seems quite integral to his character, but I can judge him even without knowing much about her. He definitely seems like the type who has to work at being an antagonist, because his inner nature is much more gentle. What I love most is that he actually tries his best at being a general, even though he knows he's not qualified. It definitely gives him an aspect of underdog that's appealing and many readers can identify with.

It seems that much of what he does is because of his sister and his family's expectations; does he eventually turn to the good side? Given what I know of his character so far, it seems like a logical path. Though you say "undoing", so I see something more like a mental breakdrown.

@night_mare:

Awww, Josiah sounds like very cute. ^^ Sheltered/naive characters can be done very well, especially when they're thrust out into the real world and have no idea how to act. I like that you've chosen not to go with the "wholesome" sheltered image, too, but to give him a sort of darker air because of the horror movies deal (which is a great character building and backstory detail), and how it influences his thoughts in a slightly darker direction. Characters with vivid imaginations are also fun to read, though I'd imagine a bit of a challenge to write. It'd be cute seeing him looking at a street full of people and automatically fitting each of them to a horror movie archetype, though. XD

@larelmian:

Right now I don't think I have a good grasp of your character's personality. I don't know much about her except for a list of what she does, but that's only part of who she is. It sounds like she's been up to some interesting things and I always like the "he who hunts monsters" trope, but right now I haven't got much to go on for her. The outcast angle is a bit overdone, but I trust you'll put her own angle on it. But what exactly is she like as a person? I think that's more essential to a judgment than the things she does.

*****

Victor Zhenliang (surname currently tentative)

The devoted servant to Lady Natalia Redmond, one of the leading ladies in society, Victor is a young man, around twenty years old (some seventeen years younger than his misstress). He is Oriental in origin ("Orient" = term the world uses for that region, I'm well aware it's not exactly the proper term to use), with a slender build and dark hair that keeps falling in his eyes no matter what he does with it, and cuts a sharp figure in a suit.

Victor was born to an immigrant family that had pulled itself up to one of the premier families in the city. They were very strict and orthodox with him and his upbringing, but that just made him more determined to seek his own way, rebelling against them for the sake of rebelling. He fell in with a group of freethinkers (less out of actually believing their doctrine than just wanting to annoy his parents); when his parents found out, they were so humiliated they disowned him. This was at the tender age of 16. Without any money and prestige, he shopped around for whatever job would take him--luckily, he landed in the employ of Lady Redmond, who was perhaps reminded of herself in him, and he's been her loyal bodyguard ever since. It's implied his past experiences have made him into the extremely conscientious (to even negative extents) way he is now.

Indeed Victor is utterly devoted to Lady Redmond, who he refers to the way all her friends do, simply as "Tal"--in fact, his feelings for her veer towards the romantic. He has never expressed them, however, because he knows that she is unattainable. There's a gulf of class, age, station, between them, and to be romantically involved with her would jeopardize their professional relationship. So he keeps his feelings to himself, no matter how it hurts him.

(Just a response post. Ignore this post and please evaluate larelmian's character please!)

Nice catch. What I meant to say, which didn't get translated from my thoughts into writing, is that Fortun struggled as he sought to make his way up the ladder, but was mostly helped along through the ranks due to his noble status and abilities. Also, going through the motions were necessary in order to make him general so that he 'earned' his rank; but the main focus for Fortun even being in the military had to do with him being involved in the strategic aspect. He's not much of a 'soldier' really (and in that sense, his title is pretty unwarranted), but he's used as something more like the brains behind the military. He works with the 'how,' 'when,' and 'where,' while he enjoys the title of 'general' so that he has undeniable authority. D-does that make sense? Hm. That's how I always saw it, at least. If that makes no sense, by all means let me know. Things sounds so great in my head, and then I write them out and suddenly am not so sure ;)

NaNo 2009 - Western Fantasy

deviantART | LIVEjournal

I guess, I have to wonder how a 16 year old ends up becoming a bodyguard for a noblelady? What did he do to impress her enough to trust a teenager with her life? I don't know how many 16 year olds I trust with my lunch, let alone my life, and his job would put him into near intimate contact with her anyway, wouldn't it? The situation to an outsider would look romantic no matter what, at least from this bit of insight.

Not saying that there isn't a good reason, its just a bit of a stretch going solely off your post.

My turn!

Tomart Angell
Age 16.

The only son of the relatively minor Angell family, he was accepted into the Guild's most prestigious academy based on the merits of his Great Grandfather, a man who's heretical beliefs and conspiracy to overthrow society landed him in the world's greatest prison, Cyclonada. Knowing his only claim to notoriety is a treasonous madman, he struggles to prove he belongs with the top brass of the Guildcity. His Great Grandfather's contributions to the Guild are notable, but so was his madness. It was said that he was only accepted to see if the Angell family was cursed. If he doesn't do well in the academy, it may spell the end of the Angell family.

Now things have taken a turn for the worse. His mother once again returns from the asylum, after being caught trying to break into a government library. Fearing an investigation that might lead to her imprisonment, his father gives him a book: the Angell family's claim to fame: the memoirs of his Great Grandfather, which had been in his mother's possession before she was arrested. Unable to destroy the book, he hides it. But the book begins to prove more than it initially appears to be. At first it was small things, words and feelings. But as the days pass, thoughts and desires begin to flow into his mind from nowhere. Soon, he finds himself 'remembering' things he never knew: building layouts and spells and the names of people who died years ago. When he falls asleep and wakes up in different locations, he decides there is a serious problem.

He isn't a strong kid, or a smart one. He can barely keep afloat in this world, and now, the book threatens to drag him down to the point of no return. Where does someone with no friends, no connections, and no one to help him go when he needs help?

What I see about your Tomart is that you've plotted out his circumstances and story far better than you have teased out who he really is as a personality. Also, he seems a bit young, or maybe in this particular world his age isn't much of a problem? You do not seem to say that he is remarkable in any way, but yet he was accepted into a prestigious organization based on his Great Grandfather's soiled reputation... A bit of a stretch? If the corporate world is any guide to its precursor, the guild system, I would expect the kid to be remarkable in some way. Perhaps not in a way that he'd understand it, but in a way that those superior to him would recognize and seek to nurture. Also: people with "no friends, no connections" tend to be lonely. Where does the character interactions come from, mainly? Where can Tomart show himself as a teenager?

Sorry if I was a bit harsh... Nothing personal. I expect my own submission to be treated just the same.

~*~

Abraham Pennywinkle
Age: 23

At first glance there isn’t much that’s remarkable about Abe, except maybe his piercingly blue eyes. But that striking feature goes underused for the most part. His face is almost always bland or expressionless. He is not athletic but neither is he “chunky.” Abe appears to possess a “strained” quality, like tealeaves that are content to stay afloat. He does not like trouble and is rather adept at avoiding it. His voice is deep, but gentle.

In his 23 years of life, he has been cheated on, betrayed, and generally stumped on by the world and fate in general, but specifically by people he's allowed to get close enough to his heart to hurt him. This has caused him to be weary of strangers bearing gifts, so to speak.

And, he lets his boss—his sister’s husband, in fact—walk all over him. Abe works for The Quest: a deplorable little tabloid that sales mostly made up fantasies about the usual (Bigfoot, Nessy, UFO’s, etc.) as well as some other preposterous stories (like government conspiracies covering everything from the SARS “epidemic,” to the genetic engineering of foods to facilitate mind-control). They never know just how close they come to the truth sometimes, mostly because the staff of five isn’t keen on actual research.

While he’s out covering a story about an accidental “unicorn shooting” and the subsequent “government cover up” he encounters a good chance to find out if the supernatural is really out there or not. He is contacted “from beyond” by WookiePookie100BC (over Instant Messenger), and charged with a mission to rescue said unicorn from the south Florida facility where it’s being held at. Though he can certainly feel alarming dread, he has no idea how much his life will change the minute he agrees to it.

Abe will then meet a love interest that seems more keen in leading into trouble than into bed. But along the way this bewitching elf will string along clues not only about the reality behind "the unexplained" but also about Abe's own nature and family. In time he'll discover that he's inherently magical, and perhaps even powerful. But most importantly, he'll discover that he is the "wildcard" in a dangerous game played by two equally mysterious and shadowy sides. This, not because he is particularly special "among his kind", but because he merely happens to be at the right place and the right time. Whatever choice he makes could decide the fate of either of these two contenders.

Well I like his description, it feels rather unique to me. 23 seems a bit too young for that kind of weariness but you can probably pull it off. But otherwise, there's not much to go on. Through most of it you say what happens in the story rather than his thoughts and feelings as a character. I think you need something more in depth for me to go on but I certainly get the feeling that he just lives from day to day in a quiet kind of misery.

Isao "River" Hamaki
River is called a traitor and maybe he is. His family, the Hamaki, have been fighting the soul takers for 500 years with special spiritally enhanced katana. River was given one too back when he was still Japanese and fought the soul takers with the rest of his family. But one day he was taken hostage by the oldest of the soul takers and she told him that the Hamaki have been tormenting her people for ceturies and all she wants to do is live and produce like anything should have the right to. River is persuaded to her point of view and joins the soul takers, recieving a different body. He is disgusted with his family and assists in the massacre of everyone but his half brother and the swords are scattered.

After a few years as a soul taker, he manages to fall in love with a human woman and decides that maybe being a soul taker isn't such a good idea after all but he is unsure. He is caught between two worlds and is unsure whether to help the soul takers, where he has good friends that helped him when he had no where else to go, or his half-brother who he was really close to growing up. He's not sure which is right and so helps both sides as often as he can can and hurts both sides as well and he knows it.

In the end, all he really wants is peace.

*Gah! Ninja'd! Oops.

@Night_Mare

It sounds like a really interesting premise, but I didn't really get a feel for River. You describe a lot about what happens, but not much about his traits or his strengths and weaknesses. I would suggest fleshing those out a bit more, since that will drive his actions in a lot of situations

@Atroposian

Pennywinkle. XD

Now that the snickering at the awesome name is out of the way, let me get down to business. I like him. He seems a pretty interesting character, and it sounds like you will have fun throwing him into crazy situations. I would like to hear more about his strengths as a person, since he has to have some, and I would like to know what qualities make him survive the coming plot.

It seems like you got a lot of him figured out, and I enjoy the whole 'avoiding trouble' trait. It always makes it interesting when they are forced into something troublesome. XD

Well, a lot of the time vampire=/=angsting. XD The Villain is full of it though. And James was angsty for about 20 or so years after he became one, but I figured after that time period he would get over it. And thanks! And yeah... the flaws. I was worrying a couple days ago about his flaws, and then realized he had them... I just haven't used them in my head for bad stuff yet. They will trip him up somewhere in the novel, I sear! But anyway his flaws are that he can be a bit of a drama king (when his friends lead him to realize that he loves Loretta, he proceeds to break out the alcohol and shout about he is a pedophile/cradle robber, much to his friends annoyance. Especially since Eddie sleeps around with college students a lot) And he can be... vocal about his disapproval on things. 'Everyone is entitled to my opinion' and all that. He also enjoys comfort a little too much.

Edmund Cornwall: Eddie for short. He was a young aristocrat right before Queen Victoria took the throne in England, and lived an enjoyable life of Dueling and Debauchery. Handsome, he was quite the favorite among the ladies and had his own groupies. One night when challenged to a duel, he lost. Before he died however, he was lucky in that one of his groupies was a vampire who just could not see her dear Eddie die. So he was turned.

A couple decades later he found the whole thing rather suffocating, since he was not the type to settle down no matter how much she begged him to marry her, so he stole away on a boat to America. Knowing it would not be wise to stay with some of the richer Warrens since she could find him that way, he found himself in one of the poorer ones on a bad side of town. This was the one James would be a part of. He quickly grew to enjoy the company, and served as a merchant/diplomat for them from that time forward.

Now Eddie is a full member of the Warren, and has gotten a steady job (due to the whole 'vampires are now watched by the government' thing) and has settled down... to an extent. He loves to party and go to clubs and bars, has quite the group of fangirls who follow him around, and has recently (aka in the last 20 years) discovered the wonders of body glitter. Eddie has a weakness for sparkling, shining things so he has taken to wearing body glitter at all times. His fondness for such things also explains his job choice, an Astronomer. However he claims he took the job because the hours worked. His friends don't believe him. He is playful and can be rather arrogant, though he loves to tease and doesn't mind joking about himself. He is quite the playboy, and enjoys life and his second chance at it. He is also a extremely good friend to James and Nathan, and James often jokes they are the three musketeers.

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original.

@night_mare:

I was a bit confused by your description of River, but I feel that's less because of his character and more because of some worldbuilding elements I don't quite understand--what exactly is a soul taker? How could he live for so long? Why was he given a new body when he became one? If he's Japanese, why does he have an English nickname?

But character-wise, River definitely seems like the type of character I'd like. I've a fondness for double crossing and turncoats, and I love that River's changed sides not just once but twice. It really highlights his confusion, and would give both sides ample reasons to really hate and persecute him (I assume they don't tolerate traitors). And the fact that he helps out both sides and hurts them just made me smile, for some reason. You don't often see such an indecisive character in fantasy, so I don't think you have to worry that he's too cliche.

One last little concern--I'm not so sure about the "falling in love with a human woman" deal, because it's, well...it's been done too often before. Of course if you can give it your own twist, go right ahead!

EDIT: Aww, damn, I knew I couldn't post this quick enough. Here goes...

@ RoseClown:

Aww, Eddie sounds like a wonderful character. Flamboyant playboys are always fun, though you have to take care not to make them too grating. I love how he found the whole eternal marriage thing quite suffocating (could be a wonderful subtle retort to "We'll be forever together Edward~" crap); it does seem someone like him would be bored with living forever. He strikes me as the kind to ally with the main characters, and they grudgingly accept him even though he's so annoying, yet inwardly they quite like him as well.

The one thing I really question is how being an astronomer has anything to do with liking shiny things. Astronomy is a job that requires a lot of patience, so it seems odd that someone like Eddie would choose it, but if you have your reasons feel free to ignore me.

****

Evanna Kingruey:

The heroine, a fourteen-year-old girl who is the daughter of an acclaimed hero in her word--her mother, Dr. Elise Kingruey,opened the barriers between the worlds eight years ago, and became celebrated as a result. However, the process also resulted in her untimely death. Evanna, already an introverted child, became even more closed and brittle after her mother's death, because her mother was the only person who she was close to.

Now, Evanna is a gawky teenager with pale blonde braids that stick stubbornly to the sides, too tall and skinny a frame (5'7"!), and a bad case of acne. She's ostracized in school, which she partly does to herself because she makes a deliberate effort to keep apart from people, and has no dreams except to become a recluse. All that she loves in life are the few mementos her mother left her. To Evanna, friendship is the most dreaded thing possible--shortly after her mother's death, quite a few of the girls who'd previously bullied her were falling all over each other to become her friend; Evanna, always observant, realized they just wanted to because it'd be cool to be friends with the daughter of a hero. As such, her definition of friend became "people who want to exploit your for their own sake."

The events of the story do change Evanna's character, in particular bringing out her innate empathy and a deeply buried sense of social justice. Her interactions with the villain--a very self-centered man--cause her to see the dark side to her previous isolation.

@ Bickazer-

Evanna seems a bit stuck up, but since you've already planned character development, this seems like a good thing more than a bad thing. She seems real and deep and like she'd make a good hero.

____

Allison Grey is introverted, cold, and a little conceited. While not downright manipulative the way Madden is, she does see others in a "Why are you even trying to make something of your selves?" way. She's never really had friends, and she's not particularly respectful.

She's a water magician, and the top of her class, which is why Madden has decided to bring her along, and though she's disdainful of prejudice and cliques, she's bought into the whole "humanity is better than [subrace here]" mentality of her society. I don't have any love interests planned for her, but mostly she'll be learning to get off her high horse and learn how to like people for who they are, instead of how they make her look.

@Blickazer:
I like. I like a LOT. the one thing that I would have to ask is, are you writing the story from Evanna's perspective or in third person? The way this sounds like, it would make for an awesome first-person diary-style layout, or a splicing between first- and third-person.
It's also an exercise in psychology and I feel that you captured it very well. Introverts generally have a very sharp view of the people around them because they are not part of their circle. What I want to know is, would Evanna develop any sort of fondness for someone in particular? It sounds amazingly interesting.

Now, presenting....along some minor back-story spoilers and a minor preview of my NaNo for this year...

Name: Shourron I
Age: 17,116
Eyes: Amethyst-purple
Hair: Navy
Aura: Mage
Family: Vannara, his vampire wife, and twin sons: Shourron II (Mage like himself) and Makkian (vamp like his mother)

For as long as anyone had known Shourron I, they would always say, "I've never seen anything like it." Why? Originally, he presented with a black aura. He later went on to set the entire universe into disarray, laying waste to some planets and vaporizing others. He was strong, supremely so and claimed the title of High Mage multiple times before he went on his galactic-domination endeavor.

Except, he wasn't acting of his own will. The black aura was not his own and thanks in part to his wife and vampire son, it was discovered that he had a leech attached to him since birth, manipulating his every move. Upon recovery, it's found that Shourron was and remains perfectly aware of everything that he has done and has to live with millennia's worth of remorse.

He also wants to know what happened that made him like that.

After receiving numerous non-answers from the people in authority, he finds something in his childhood house that belonged to his mother: a lockbox containing journals and a single computer disc. He is not originally permitted to view the disc and doesn't realize why, but after certain other events take him to Earth and have him meet someone who ended up as Mage without any logical way for it to be possible - the man started as a human - he petitions again to view the disc.

His computer mysteriously crashes before he can view it.

In Book 4, he is to tap some abilities that he sure as hell doesn't remember having, is fighting off nightmares that have nothing to do with his much-checkered past and has to join his new superior in fighting another war - one that he fights as though he had been through it before, while he was born about ten thousand years after it ended.

And he finally finds out what happened that resulted in him - but the truth may be too much to handle, even for someone seventeen millennia of age.

Author Website & Blog
The Index, Book 1: Mages (2006w)
Book 2: Secrets (2007w - coming soon!)
Book 3: Lineage (2008w)
Book 4: Revival (2009w)

@C.M. Murdre
Allison seems very real to me. She has prejudices and flaws that I would consider fatal if not dealt with. It might be difficult to attach to her in the beginning because of this, because she might be a little too close to home for readers, you know? With that said, I wouldn't change anything about her. Especially because she will be centered on 'getting off her high horse' as you stated, which should be a nice change of pace. I believe she will turn out to be a very well-rounded character if that is your intention, and gradually loved by readers. It will have to be very gradual, as it seems as though she does have quite a few issues to deal with here. I wish you luck with her!

@LadyMage
Is it Shourren the First? I was unaware that the 'firsts' in lineage were referred to as 'the First'; I thought that typically came after the first in lineage, but I don't know. It looks a little strange, me just glancing at it. Shourren II seems to make more sense to me. I'm also not getting a very good idea as to Shourren in general. I don't know much about his personality, other than he feels remorse for what he's done. The black aura thing is pretty neat, but the whole thing regarding the disc and such was kind of lost to me. I'm aware that you're leaving out a lot of information, but I think I would have wanted to know a little more about his personality rather than this particular bit of plot. Just a personal opinion I guess. I don't know what he's like, and I can't really say whether or not I'd be willing to invest time into reading more about him.

_____

Character: Riley Finch
Age: Appears to be in his late twenties
Affiliation: Protagonist (?)

From the get-go, all that is known about Riley Finch is that he's an extremely well-aimed, almost charming gunslinger and an outlaw, and a murderous one at that. His moral compass is skewed beyond all reason, but that probably has to do with the fact that he's lived alone in the desert for upwards of forty years, which has no doubt brought its share of insanity upon the poor man. Of course, that doesn't excuse his actions.

Only five-ten years before the story's beginning does Finch actually band together with people as corrupted as himself, thieving and murdering and collecting valuable trinkets to trade and sell as they go. He eventually forms solid bonds with a young, misguided girl named Evelyn, and a man named Cornelius Chapman. The three of them soon form their own gang, which grows to about eight-ten highly skilled men, with Finch at the helm, by the time the story begins. Though Finch desperately sought to avoid it, he ended up creating a family he deeply cares about and will allow no one to try and put apart. Though he lacks patience with them at times, his devotion to the group as a whole is unwavering.

The rumors surrounding Finch and his past border on outrageous on times, though he'd hasten to admit that all of them are true (followed by a handsome grin to seal the deal). Much of it has to do with the fact that he's appeared to be in his late twenties for forty years now, aging only slightly. Not to mention that he has a warrant for his arrest with an unusually high bounty on his head from a certain aristocratic family. Needless to say the rumors abound. He is both widely feared and admired depending on if one plans to get in his way or not.

All that said, Finch is incredibly short for an adult man. At 5'6", he enjoys his small stature due to often being underestimated. He's deadly quick with his hands, carries around twin pistols and a small, sharp tomahawk. It should also be mentioned that he's the equivalent to this world's Native Americans, a race that is slowly being exterminated by the aristocracy. Finch is dark-skinned with bright, copper eyes. He has dark hair that is worn past his chin in the front, and cropped shorter to the nape of his neck in the back. A well-kept, short beard (goatee) and facial hair frames his jaw.

Clothes rarely fits him properly at his height, so it's a good thing he knows how to sew, and well. Finch is fond of animals, pocket watches, alcohol, guns and spreading ridiculous rumors about himself.

NaNo 2009 - Western Fantasy

deviantART | LIVEjournal

@Intention

The first thing that crossed my mind while reading it, I have to be honest, is that 5'6" is not extremely short. I live in an area with a lot of Native Americans and they're not always the tallest of people, let alone the height of Native South Americans. The rest of it seems pretty intriguing. He also seemed just the slightest bit one-dimensional, but that might just have been about how you described him.

This is my MC's best friend.

Name:Parro Priak
Card: Princess of Staves.
Species: Harpy
Age: 18
Height: 5'
Build: Thin and angular, though muscled. Sinewy. No ribs showing.
Hair: Coarse and thick, between straw and steel wool, with long featers intermixed. A mix of colors, from carmine red to coppery gold, with streaks of canary yellow. It bushes out wildly with strong, hard curls, reaching to her shoulders.
Skin: Medium to pale brown, golden and creamy. Liberally dusted with small, dark brown freckles.
Eye color: Honey-golden.
Particulars: Very sharp, angular face with high cheekbones and a strong jawline. She has a large, narrow nose which is slightly hooked. Her mouth is wide and easily smiles. Her eyes are abnormally large, and sit far to the sides of her face, and tip up at the ends. She has no ears, except a tuft of feathers wher ears usually are. Her nails are hard and long, not quite talons. She has a long crest of feathers growing down her spine, which merges into her lower half. From the low-waist down, her legs are feathered, and they end in talons.
Alternate form: A large bird of prey and a smaller one, the first standing as high as her humanoid form, the second around the size of an average hawk.
Personality: Eager to please, friendly, accepting. Negative, self loathing. Curious. Creative, artistic. Hypocritical.
History: She is a harpy, which means several things. The most important to her is, she will go crazy. At some point. Born with the ability to produce a sound that hypnotizes all non-harpies around the singer, and the seemingly genetic predisposition to sociopathy, she is running out of time. Her mother was one of the few harpy women who escaped their fate, she fell in love at a young age to a young fire ele who inspired her to overcome her supposed destiny. Only through years of self dedication and liberal use of drugs, was her mother able to safely say she was her own woman and wasn't about to fall to killer urges. Sadly when her mother was ready to face the world, her young love was long gone. Instead she made contact with one of the male harpy, who are much less prone to insanity, and arranged to become pregnant. And so she has grown up with her mother, ostracized from almost all ele society, and some day she's going to go crazy and try to kill everyone.

Ah, it wasn't harsh at all. You actually got me to think a bit more on what I had intended for Angell.

I think, because the other two protagonists are more defined than Tomart, he kind of fell into an 'everyman' role: the downtrodden, capable but not blessed with great talent or a powerful family name. In a world where those are the only two ways to get ahead. The other two protagonists are jerks: Valero is a decadent thug, and Traumend is an aloof scholar with a macabre obsession. Tomart isn't, which ends up with him having to react more to the circumstances then the other way around. He's the only one in the story who was thrust into his personal conflict, whereas the others brought it upon themselves.

As far as age goes, I'd say its about right. He still has to go to school, and lives with his parents, very few 16 year olds would be on their own. The other protagonists are his classmates. He's afraid to bring up the issue though, because his father refuses to acknowledge it, out of fear for his wife. If he brings it up with someone at school, he risks being branded and alienated even further. I guess saying that he has no friends is a bit much, but he doesn't have any social presence. He's the kind of kid that does home after school everyday while everyone else formed clubs or played sports. He makes decent grades, and he shows potential, but that potential isn't why the people interested in him were interested in him at the time of his admission.

His Great Grandfather's reputation is soiled, but people in the Guildcity live a long time and can be forgiving in light of prior contributions. He was only crazy in his last few decades. Before then, he was a capable mage and civil servant who contributed to the world of academia. That's the potential that got Tomart into the prestigious academy (that, and those who accepted him hoped that his family might contribute some part of Old Angell's vast collection of ancient lore to the school, not knowing that the modern Angells don't have any of those books).

Is he remarkable? If he wasn't, he'd be a bad protagonist, wouldn't he? You're spot on though; he's destined for something big, though he doesn't realize it yet. He has few interactions, as you mentioned, now that I think about it, I only have him outlined speaking to members of his family, his only close friend, and the other protagonists once their paths finally cross. He'll spend a lot of time doing introspection, I think.

@Intention - yes, it's the First.

The thing about the disc I put in one part on a whim, on another because it contains something VERY vital to his past. He is coming off of a VERY traumatic...well, life, thus far and all throughout Books 2 and 3, his past is kept steadfastly hidden because no one in the higher-ups knows how well he would take to surprises, especially of that caliber. And oh, it's a doozy as to what this disc actually contains. The challenge is to see how well someone in a PTSD state respond to something that is highly triggering.

Shourron I is rather calm, somber in the light of his experience but unlike anyone else, he has a major, major problem keeping his mouth shut when something's not right. Makes for interesting clashes with his superiors about the aforementioned disc and the benefit to his rediscovery.

There's a LOT that his past has to do with it....but to elaborate it would be a major to-do.

And another one
Name: Jason Watson
Age: 42
Hair: Copper-red
Eyes: Brown
Family: none

Jay Watson was a partner in a pharmaceutical company in 34th Century NYC. What happens to him is thus: he passes out and wakes up with Mage powers. How he got them is a mystery but where everyone else would freak out, he takes the approach of, "Let me see what I can do with it." His powers are fire-oriented.

Jason's approach is simple: it's never what's obvious. He is a very skilled profiler a la Hotch of Criminal Minds - except that Jay loves, adores pointing out the obvious, especially when the person least wants to acknowledge it. He's the sort of person who would make a subtle comment that would cause someone else to reanalyze everything egregiously until they can be sure that he's right. On the other hand, he is genuinely curious and will ask the open-ended questions because he wants to know.

Naturally, he ends up butting heads when the other Mages come to town on a semi-related mission. Eventually, he's able to win them over and become "one of their own" - but not before he ends up being drop-kicked out a window on more than one occasion!

He's based on someone I know IRL, who is exactly like that. Too much of a character not to become a character!

Author Website & Blog
The Index, Book 1: Mages (2006w)
Book 2: Secrets (2007w - coming soon!)
Book 3: Lineage (2008w)
Book 4: Revival (2009w)

LadyMage: Jay sounds extremely irritating, in-story. It'll be your writing that decides if he's irritating to the reader as well. XD I'm hoping he will eventually learn how he got his powers. Oh, and it's kind of nice to see an older character. He could maybe use a few more sides to his personality, but I'm sure once you get going he'll come more to life.

---

Name: Nico 'Nicky' Chatzi
Age: Somewhere between 28 and 34
Hair: Black
Eyes: Grey
Nationality: Greek/Canadian

Nico is kind of a jerk. That's the easiest way to put it. He has his reasons, like the fact that someone he loved a lot was murdered when he was a teen, in the same incident that gave him scars on his face. It also resulted in his ability to recognize the supernatural, which comes in handy when he has a chance (or apparently chance) encounter with Ashes and the dragon.

Nico's always been involved in shady dealings, and his loyalties are somewhat uncertain. He'll outright declare he'd sell Ashes and the dragon to the highest bidder if it seemed like a good idea, then turn around and viciously protect them. Cold and jaded, he'll do whatever it takes to get what he wants, though exactly what he wants is unclear possibly even to him. It takes a lot to shake him and he's very cunning.

The only person who can sort of get through to him is Ashes, though it's probably only because Nico can't understand how Ashes can go through so much and still search for a peaceful resolution. Nico is stubborn and set in his ways, but occasionally shows glimmers of bending, hopefully before all the pressure snaps him.

LadyMage: Re. Jason/Jay: Congrats on avoiding the red hair/green eyes cliche. That one always makes me a little punchy when I see it. Also congratulations for not making him twenty-one years old and superbly powerful; the age feels right for the history that you have described. You've given him flaws as well as good qualities, and--more importantly--the flaws and the good qualities interact, which implies that you've thought out his personality (or that you know your RL acquaintance well enough.)

Is he a Flambeau? I digress, but considering Mage, I couldn't resist asking! (If you don't get it, Mage: The Ascension RPG has a subgroup in the Order of Hermes Tradition called Flambeau. As the name implies, they're pyros.) One thing that may cause him trouble: His experimental/analytical nature and his flamey powers don't really leave much room for error. What sort of catastrophe does he cause, dare I ask?

Like Cuno said, he maybe could be a bit more fleshed-out, but I get the vibe which I think you intend with him, so as a supporting character he's probably sufficient.

Cuno: The way you describe Nico doesn't sound quite as gray-morality as I think you intend him to be; he seems like a good guy who doesn't want anyone to know, so puts up a lot of bluster. If you want him to be grayer, I would suggest making him actually do bad things instead of just saying it, although ignore this if you already intend that.

I'm also curious to learn about a couple of personality details that don't involve the plot: Does he play guitar? Not drink soda? Tell everyone "Be seeing you!" because he's watched 'The Prisoner' a few too many times (please don't make him do that!)? What makes him unique to Ashes, and why did he start hanging around with him in particular in the first place (ie why would Ashes run into him as opposed to any other person in Toronto)? In the synopsis, you've alluded to particular reasons Nico keeps the two around; obviously (I know I'm preaching to the choir) you should know what those reasons are!

Just some thoughts/first impressions; I hope something in these helped either/both of you!

---

Name: Cyprian Voss
Age: Thirty-five-ish
Hair: Dark brown, medium-length. Needs a haircut.
Eyes: Dark brown.
Skin: Brown.
Family: ??? (It is a mystery!)
Clothing: Travel-ready.
Mindset: Travel-ready. Not necessarily cynical, so much as just world-weary. He's seen a lot and done a lot, and is wondering what else there is to the world, if anything.

About thirty-five, of average height, and rawboned, Cyprian needs a few more hot lunches and a few less bottles of evil-looking booze. He's lived hard, although not necessarily well, and tends to play his cards close to the vest. Considering that he came to the once-bustling port city of Surmaingel looking to score some easy money and possibly rent a bed in the hallway of an inn, that's probably the best idea. He's the sort of guy who could be charismatic if he put his mind to it, through charm and force of personality, but as it is, he's just trying to get through the day and avoid trouble from what apparently scattered authorities are left in the plague-ridden port city. (At least he's immune to that plague, for a reason of which he's unaware.)

The problem is, Surmaingel's populace seems to have taken an unhealthy interest in him, and not just the few pretty ladies left or the gullible marks he's trying to swindle. Cyprian is a survivor, though, and adapts easily to most situations put in front of him, so he doesn't flinch at solving the problems he encounters. He's a realist, smart and tactical, and knows at least the basics of most things he faces. In short, he's one of the few people reasonably well-equipped to handle the dregs of a city that, until a few months ago, had a good deal of intercontinental trade and a thriving society.

As a pragmatist, though, Cyprian's thrown a bit out of sorts by what he encounters in Surmaingel: Something he hasn't encountered and certainly hadn't anticipated. Something that's obsessed with him. Something that knows parts of him he'd forgotten years ago. He'll have to delve into a much more conflicted part of himself if he wants to leave the city, and discover why he's specifically still alive in a city of corpses and plague. He's not going to like the answers, because that part of himself is one not even he remembers anymore... and he won't like the memories.

(Sorry for slightly oblique wording. There are about five billion secrets that I don't want to give away. No, he's not secretly the lord of the city; no, he's not already dead.)

NaNo 09: The Shrouded Sea (Fantasy)

Ours are the tears, though few, sincerely shed,
While ocean shrouds and sepulchres our dead.
- Lord Byron

Oh, sorry, should have expanded on that! Astronomy=Stars, stars=shiny/sparkly. Although overtime he has actually found himself enjoying the careful mathematics and all that stuff. Not that he would ever admit it. XD

@kls81

Cyprian sounds pretty interesting! He sounds like he would be a great candidate for character development in the story, and his traits are enough to make you curious as to what lies underneath the surface. I really love the hard-boiled types, and he sounds like he will be interesting (if not challenging) to write.

Matthew Daniels: Matt was shipped off to become a slayer at the age of ten because of his 'chosen one' status. Every couple decades a 'chosen one' slayer is born, with enhanced physical capabilities and practically designed to be the bane of vampires. Growing up with the Captain of the Slayers as his guardian, the only time he could really be a kid was around his best friend Loretta, who was the daughter of the current chosen one in action. Growing up like brothers and sisters, in middle school they dated but the first year of high school they realized they barely even kissed anymore and broke up. (Both confessed it was like they were best buds that kissed sometimes, so why not just knock out the kissing and make it less awkward?) As their group of friends grew, Matt and Loretta stayed the closest and joked that they would be the best man/maid of honor at the others wedding.

Now things are becoming strange when Loretta tells him that she is a half-vampire. Loyal to a fault, Matt agrees to keep it a secret (though he suggests at least telling her mom) and helps her whenever he can. At the same time he is dealing with feelings for another girl, the rather odd Trina, and trying to find the courage to tell the Slayer organization to go screw themselves. He is caught between deciding to stay in the place everyone want him to be, and leaving to actually be himself for once. Not to mention he really has no love lost for the group that took him away from his family.

Genuinely a good guy, he tends to be too easily made to obey other people even if in his min he is cussing them out. Basically he can be really weak-willed and convinced to keep up the golden hero image. He thinks it would be cool to one day run a resturaunt, as he is actually really good at cooking.

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original.

Rose: Aww! Matt definately sounds like the kind of guy who girls call the sweetheart. Odd, though, that no one is challenging him to get a back bone if he's supposed to be this super awesome fighter. Is that not a problem when he's out hunting? I am also surprised that he has no issue with his friend being a vampire when he is being conditioned to kill them. Is this some kind of grudge he just doesn't care about? Minor problems, if they are problems at all, so no worries! Sounds like an awesome story!

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Quinn is your regular slightly eccentric eight-year-old in a post-apocalyptic world. She idolizes her older brother, Callum (Cal), and adores her Mother. Life is good and getting better as Cal finds himself unexpectedly in the good graces of the local powersthat-be but then things go utterly pear-shaped as first Cal, then Quinn come into their powers. The sweet eight-year-old soon becomes the quiet, cynical twelve-year-old as her brother is killed before her eyes and she is forced into service of the Cathedral. Newly recruited, she is headstrong and argumentative, but her new mentor simply accepts this as part of teaching a fire adept. The only person who sees the side of Quinn that isn't a moody adolescent is Alex, an earth adept with a specialty in plants. They become fast friends though Quinn remains moody and distant. Alex is unaware of her past and Quinn is reluctant to tell him as he was born in the Cathedral and knows nothing of the outside world. Becasue of this, Alex misunderstands her moddiness and occasionally chides her. She often loses her temper with him but has learned to control her anger, to an extent. When she comes face to face with her brother's killer, the same man who effectively sold her into slavery, her rage consumes all sense and she nearly kills him.

"The inculcation of the incomprehensible into the ignorant by the incompetent." Tempus Fugit
"If even dying is to be made a social function, then, please, grant me the favor of sneaking out on tiptoe without disturbing the party." Dag Hammarskjöld

@Lutaris:

Hmm, this Quinn character sounds like one who can go many directions, depending on how you write her. In the more negative direction, she could become, if you're not careful, a standard whiny YA lead, who is always justified while the world is stacked against her. However, if you take a more shades-of-gray approach to her and really highlight the dark side of her personality, then she could be a very fascinating heroine. Possibly not one who all readers will be able to "like", but the kind who we can't help but follow because we're never sure what she's going to do next. I'm fond of characters who can't control their powers, especially when their powers eventually come around to controlling them; given Quinn's already fiery personality, it seems very liable such a situation may happen.

Just exercise caution and she'll be a wonderful protagonist to read about. ^^

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Lady Natalia "Tal" Redmond:

A fashionable and prominent society lady, Tal also happens to lead a double life, heading a secret institute that researches deeper into the nature of the multiverse as well as investigates the suspicious death of heroic research Elise Kingruey. She's 36 years old, 5'5", curvaceous in build, and has perfectly blow-dried shoulder-length black hair, and vibrant green eyes; attractive and fashionable all around, with the gravity of age and the beauty of youth. She's very confident and self-assured, able to talk herself in and out of anything, and a natural leader to boot, but can be shortsighted and ruthless at times as well. Tal herself recognizes that she is rather lacking in the empathy department, something she tries her darnedest (with often comical results) to change.

Born to a wealthy family, the Clermonts, Natalia was raised to be the perfect trophy wife--taught needlework over science, etiquette over economics. She hated her restrictive life and secretly spent hours in the library studying, because she was truly interested in furthering her education. After her debutante ball, at the age of 16, Natalia was married off to Lord Michael Redmond, a sober close-minded nobleman, for the sole sake of prestige. Her marriage was a stormy and unhappy one. Michael was very concerned with appearances so made an effort to meet the influential people of the day--during one of those visits when, Natalia met Elise Kingruey. The two became fast buddies and Elise began teaching Natalia, now starting to call herself "Tal," more in-depth science. Michael didn't like this, but could do little about it because he was beginning to waste away from cancer. Michael died when she was twenty-four, and she quickly used the fortune he left her to fund her scientific pursuits. After Elise's death, Tal was devastated, and resolved to research deeper into the cause (most people accept it was because the magical energy from opening the doorways between the dimensions killed her, but Tal believes foul play was involved). So she began investing much more time into her own institute, while keeping up appearances as a fashionable society lady.

(moved down to keep the flow of the thread)