Character not working with you? Plot going badly? Everything peachy keen? Write it up in a letter, vent a little, then go on your merry way, ready to write again with the annoyances/excitement safely out of your way.
Dear Frederic,
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for showing up from Corus and deciding to morph into a kitty version of yourself. The book will be SO much better with you in it, and you and your promised antics should be great fun!
Luvs,
She Who <3’s Kitties
Dear Jera,
You dear, are a marvel. I’m definitely keeping you around. Just keep your teenage emotions off ah Loren, he’s not meant for you. Do as your uncle says and you’ll do all right. Plus then your mommy won’t have to skin her big bro.
TTYL,
Cause I Said So
Dear Plot,
Where the dear ever lovin’ bloody ashes are you? You cannot dump me a load of Plainskitties out to bring down a vague non-idea-of-a-tyrant and mix in a Conkitty and go gallivanting off! I need DETAILS. I need IDEAS. I need NEED. I need EVIL. So get your light-blighted behind back here and tell me what’s what!
You have a lot of explaining to do,
She Who Is Pissed Off
Dear Branaen,
You are a mountain. You are big, black and in charge. I’ve already made an exception to the rule that there are no black Plainskitties for you. You love your family and wish to bring this tyrant down, for reasons yet unknown. You’ve expressed desire to visit the mountains and discover the Mountainkitties there. Who knows? You may discover they can fly.
Do you believe?
She Who Wishes She Could Fly
----------
1,621 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 20 40
Dear KingyKing,
How do you like that? See what you get for not showing up earlier? You're an essential part of the Plot! (Which ran away with Siara's Muse) Where the blazing ashes are you? WHO are you? Why do you DEMAND magic and not Branaed, Freddie or Jera? And why the light-blasted Blight haven't you popped your evil little head up and TOLD me this before? You're a LITTLE essential to the story, so get off your bloody throne and come down here. I cannot Plot without you. I need to know your motives. So come on!
With all Sincerity,
----------She Who Will Dethrone Your Uncooperative Butt
37,278 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 21 40
Dear Emilio
You got banged up against the tree *really* hard. I'm sure the story will eventually get back to you so we can find out if you're alive or not. Keep holding on! I want you to make it to the town meetings!
He who got *way* distracted telling backstory
50,410 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 06 26
Dear Jo,
Wow, you are lame. I mean REALLY lame. I'm sad because I had such higher hopes for you in my head all through September and October and it's just not coming together for me. I'm not ready to axe you though, since you are quite important to the story. Perhaps it's your creators fault (Gasp!), but you are in serious need of help. Stop whining and do something cool, independent and awesome already.
Dear Nano Novel,
----------You are as lame as your main character but I will keep working on you. Perhaps 4000 words is too soon to judge. Please get better soon. What I had hoped to be a cutting edge fantasy novel is turning into pre-teen drivel at an alarming rate. Please stop sucking.
My 2 favorite fortune-cookie fortunes:
Do that which your heart tells you.
Creativity is your ace in the hole.
21,284 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 08 39
Dear Imogen:
Stop bitching and start killing zombies already.
Sincerely,
----------- bg
http://www.bymaggie.com/
"All good writing is swimming underwater and holding your breath."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read."
- Mitch Hedberg
35,040 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 08 49
Dear Laura,
Please, for the love of chocolate, learn how to form sentences more complex than basic rudimentary construction. "Jose is my friend. Jose is your friend. Jose is our friend," is not acceptable. Those sentences didn't even drive up the word count. We're on the same team here, Laura.
While you're at it, please admit that you're more invested in this whole Martin thing than the "just having fun" that you keep insisting on. We don't believe you. You're crazy mad in love with him, but you know he doesn't feel the same way. Denying it won't keep your heart from breaking. Trust me. You're doomed.
If you had a fortune cookie, it would say something about how you're about to come into some money. Don't laugh, because - spoiler alert - you're going to come into some money very soon. Don't let Elise cheat you out of the lottery money. Please. I don't want to write that kind of novel.
Thank you.
Love, your almighty creator,
----------Buppy
39,437 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 08 58
Dear Sara,
Stop putting things in the wrong section. A8 is not locked. Don't make me get you.
Love Sara
Dear Alpha Omega,
Be a little interesting. I know I need not everything to be exciting but I don't even want to calculate your damn gravity. Sheesh. Come on.
Love Sara
----------Does not read and follow label directions.
35,069 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 12 24
Dear Megan,
Get some friends. Like seriously. Only Kristy at work? I don't care if Tina's in London and Andrew's in Costa Rica. You need some local friends (who preferrably do not know baseball) that you can sit around with and discuss your new relationship. Ones you went to colleg with, preferrably, since it was only a month ago. Your entire life cannot be your work, your guy and your cat. Social lives can be very fulfilling. Find one. And not with Shane, whoever he is. Or, God forbid, Rose.
Thanks,
Eury
PS - Although the Rose thing could be interesting....
----------"You can get away with stuff in real life that you can’t get away with in fiction." -Robin McKinley
1,205 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 13 08
Dear Muse,
Please come home. I miss you terribly and simply cannot write this story without you. It's Day 4 and I sit at 580 words. You're really scaring me. I promise to do whatever you want if you'd just come home. Please.
Love,
Brooke
37,278 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 14 51
Dear Calendar
Please stop telling me I have other things to do. Can't you see I'm getting behind?!
Sincerely
He who is going back to writing RIGHT NOW.
42,314 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 15 51
I actually had a fortune cookie that read "Words can not be weighed, they must be counted."
For what it is worth I am also dealing with a lame MC. I might just write him a letter.
It is either that or lay down more drivel.
10,005 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 19 44
Dear Dona and Keiko,
I realize you are cute bit characters that might have potential for comic relief but why do you only exist to help my heroes escape via Deus Ex Machina at the climax of the story? Isn't there more that I can make you do? Please respond promptly with your reply.
Sincerely,
----------The Chick Who Created You
No power in the 'verse can stop me
37,278 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2009 - 12 03
Dear Cornelius,
Why couldn't you have said something easier to spell when Aristo asked you what your name was? I guess that's what I get for creating new characters right in the middle of a scene...
Sincerely,
The guy stuck typing your name
4,456 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2009 - 12 53
Dear Anders,
So far, you are just a name on a list. In the plot outline, you are Amanda's brother and potential fodder for the advancement of the plot. I think you might be worth killing off for dramatic effect, even if the reader never gets to know you very well. The reader will know you through your sister, so maybe that willb e enough. Who knows, maybe you will become a persistent entity...your part may be in the sending of cryptic messages for Tobias and the others to read as a sort of machine of the gods for the purpose of advancing the plot even further than your death had originally done? I may do some private scene work with you that only I will ever read. The more I think about it, the more interested I am in your story even if it does end abruptly at the beginning of Tobias'.
But really, you're just a name right now. Don't worry. Life may not be as hectic as all that, I am merely speculating on possibilities. The future is an unwritten book, after all.
Steve
----------iliketoridemybikesiliketoridmybikesiliketoridemybikes
35,040 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2009 - 20 02
Dear Martin,
What are you doing, being all sweet to Laura? You're supposed to be a jerkface so that she eventually falls for Jose!
So stop it. Cheat on her or something. Please.
Love,
----------buppy
71,090 / 50,000
Nov 6, 2009 - 01 57
Dear (the) Wizzrad,
Thank you SO much for coming into the story. You are so much fun to write about. I'm sorry that you always bash into things and have ridiculously impossible accidents, but it's all good. You will survive. Even if you survive with lots of pain. And I'm not sure if the buttons are really out to kill you. If they are, they definitely won't succeed, because I love you too much.
With wishes for an accident-free chapter,
Your Hugest Fan (well, maybe besides Stellar Jamingo, but she's kind of in love/going to be in love with you, so.)
Zejke,
I LOVE YOU. Please don't turn annoying.
Me. Yes, me.
----------57,464 / 50,000
Nov 6, 2009 - 18 22
Dear Meriem,
What in the world are you doing to me? You are absolutely NOT allowed to fall in love with her. No. I said no! Really, it will just complicate things. I don't think it will end well for either of you. So please, _please_ just stop thinking about her? You are awesome, really, and you'll get a decent portion of the story dedicated to you, don't worry. Just don't fall in love with her!
Thanks.
Dear Zeraphi.
Look lady, you need to start talking! All you've done so far is wander around and be rather uninteresting, to tell the truth. Yeah, you've got wings, so what? You have to start talking! And by talking, I don't mean mindless drivel. I want you to tell them your story. You know, the one that ends in the complete destruction of your city? Yeah, that story. Get talking!
Your ever-so-slightly annoyed twin,
Aubrey
(Hopefully that will help!)
21,035 / 50,000
Nov 6, 2009 - 18 33
Dear Charlie,
Where did you come from? Seriously. Where did you come from? You were not supposed to be in this chapter. In fact, you were not supposed to exist. Now I have an extra character to deal with, and you're really just a clone of Delaney right now. Come on, woman. Be interesting!
Sincerely,
The Guy Who Names Female Characters "Charlie"
Dear Jack,
WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? Why don't you have a description? I would go back and get rid of you entirely if you didn't help my word count, and if I didn't think of you like Captain Jack Harkness. You'd better end up doing something awesome later.
Sincerely,
The Guy Who Makes Characters Spontaneously
Dear Julie,
AGH YOU ARE SO BLAND
You don't deserve a goodbye line.
1,621 / 50,000
Nov 6, 2009 - 20 16
Dear Internet,
Please stop your soul-sucking. I need to write. Please?
I'm begging you
She who is behind
Dear ToRA, LoRA, Seabound, RoLaS and Corus;
I am SUPER sorry. Tora, I know I'm way behind on my admin-y posting. Lora, I know I meant to come back. Seabound, can you wait for the captain a few days? Rolas, I'll finish 'Rys in a few days. Also just assume Ben got lost (again). Corus, I'm really really sorry, I just joined and I havent posted up Freddie's bio yet.... but THANKS for giving me the idea for Frederic The Kittie in my novel. :)
Thanks for putting up with me and I promise mucho bowing and scraping when I come back in December ok? (Next year. You know, when I'm done sleeping?)
----------Loves and much apologies,
The almighty Skipper and Tam, lowly Grath and Ben, and the humble newbie.
50,029 / 50,000
Nov 10, 2009 - 11 34
Dear gentle author,
it is clear to me that you do not have a single firing neuron in your head. if you did you'd be writing reams and reams with all the inspiration I've been showering in your direction. No, it is now painfully clear to me that my genius is going to waste here. I'm packing my bags. you may wish to buy a NPNP.
your ex inspiration,
muse
Dear Muse,
I know you're out there somewhere I feel your presence in that peaceful time between wakefullness and sleep, but for goodness sake please be more concrete in your contributions.
I remain your poor frustrated,
author
41,671 / 50,000
Nov 10, 2009 - 22 18
Dear Horrid Gorgonzola,
Thank you for laying down your life so that Amelia and Alice could become women. And thank the wood-god too, if you see him.
Thanks again,
Me
PS: oh, and Alice? Amelia? do you love each other or hate each other or what? Talk to me, babes. You have my number.
----------May your snark never be a boojum,
Jay
49,134 / 50,000
Nov 11, 2009 - 10 38
Dear Claire,
You are annoying. How do you think you are going to help Liz out and become a better friend to her than your half brother Alex? What could you possibly do? You aren't Wonder Woman!!!?! I don' t know how you are going to figure this out but you better figure it out soon. You are getting boring. And I might just erase you once this month is over and find someone better to take your place.
So there. Get your butt in gear!
Love,
Your Creator