Blood Sister
an excerpt

The rain had not stopped for days.
Sixteen year old, Anika Tanzer peaked out from underneath the umbrella her unsteady hand was gripping and peered over the scene that was developing around her. Nothing much had changed at the Scarswood cemetery since they had arrived there hours ago. People were dressed head to toe in the deepest black; that combined with the rain made everyone appear pale and lifeless. No one had smiled for quite a while, making every single person in the crowd cold and uninviting. Anika felt like the images her eyes were seeing were the exact representation of what was brewing deep inside of her.
She looked down at her shoes, the black pumps that her mother had forced her to change into right as they were heading out the door. “You can’t wear those boots to a funeral! Especially your own father’s! Have I taught you anything?” the conversation flittered through her conscious again as she subtly dug one of the pointed toes into the soft, wet earth. The scene had a strange smell -- a combination of soil, clean air, and lilies -- it was a smell that Anika found mildly comforting. She wouldn’t share that with her mother though, it would probably start off another rant, and that was exactly what she was trying to avoid today.
The buzzing that had been running through her head had suddenly stopped, and she looked up from the ground to see that her oldest brother was returning to her side. He had finished his speech -- about how their father was a good man, an honest man, and a multitude of other adjectives he had looked up the night before to describe him. Anika honestly hadn’t been listening after the first two sentences. She was sure whatever he said was good though. It always was.
Finley’s speech ending seemed to send a wave through the stagnant crowd, and they began to move again. It was like a switch had been turned on, and they were all coming back to life. The dull expressions on their faces slowly vanished and they began to look as though they had lives beyond what could be seen at Scarswood cemetery on a Saturday afternoon. As they shuffled around, Anika picked out words the guests said to each other, to get back into the mood of carrying on a conversation… work… mortgage… last night’s game… all small talk that made it sound like the place where they were at that very moment was the last place they wanted to be and that they would do anything to make it appear not so. Anything to act a little more normal, a bit more civilized, while standing in the drizzling rain surrounded by moss-covered tombstones. It made Anika feel sick to her stomach.
She felt a squeeze from her left hand, and she quickly looked over. Her other brother, just a year older, was looking down at her. He was smiling. His was the only smile she had seen all day. It had that strange way of making everything seem so much brighter, no matter how dark the day tried to be.
“You doing all right?”
“Yeah, Sam. Thanks.”
Sam looked away just for a second to scan the crowd that was slowly breaking up. Anika became transfixed by the water that was dripping from the end of his nose. She had realized that she had forgotten her umbrella the moment they stepped foot on the cemetery, and Sam, being the person that he was, instantly handed his over to his little sister.
“Do you want to say anything? You know, before it’s too late?”
Anika sighed and gazed out at the people who were one by one leaving the grassy hill. All people who had known her father. She didn’t know the majority of them, and she was pretty sure that they hadn’t seen her until this very day. They were all trying to master the art of leaving as quickly as possible without seeming too rude. Everyone was talking, and although they were speaking in modified whispers, their mumblings were quickly becoming a sea of distant noise. The mixing of sounds was making Anika feel nauseated. She didn’t know if it was just the scene where she was at the moment, or that every conversation she picked up snippets of was completely artificial sounding or self-centered. There was nothing she wanted to say to these people.
“No, I’m fine. Can we go?”
The last three words made Finley finally look over at her. For the briefest of seconds, he scowled, just like their mother had that morning when she had told Anika to change her footwear. His face softened slightly right before he spoke.
“We shouldn’t leave yet. Mom’s not ready.”
Sam put a warm arm around Anika’s shoulders and began to lead her away.
“It’s okay, you’ll be here. We can walk home, Annie’s not feeling so good.”
Finley opened his mouth to argue, but quickly shut it again. He nodded firmly and settled his eyes upon the black-clad pair who was walking up to the siblings.
“Go on, I’ll take care of everything.”
Sam offered a quick word of thanks before whisking Anika away. She could hear her oldest brother greeting the couple and thanking them for joining their family on a day like this.
The two trudged though the damp cemetery grounds. Anika kept her head down, she could hear her brother uttering single word greetings to the people they passed. All Anika saw of them were their shoes. They were all wearing footwear that was really inappropriate for the weather they had been having lately in Scarswood. She thought she had been being smart that morning when she had laced on her new boots right before leaving the house. A chill travelled up her spine as she stepped into yet another mud-filled puddle and the pumps she was now wearing did nothing to protect her already frozen feet.
“Careful for the puddles, Annie.”
She didn’t respond. Anika wished she could find every muddy puddle in Scarswood and soak her ruined heels in them. Just to prove to her mother that she had been wrong.
On the edge of the cemetery grounds, right in the middle of the pathway was their mother. She was surrounded by some of the kinder guests who had felt the need to speak with her and offer their sincerest condolences before continuing on with their average day. Anika couldn’t help but stare. Her mother’s face was of the palest white, and wrinkles that had never touched her face before seemed to be creeping in around her eyes and corners of her mouth. She had never looked so old. It was as though the conversations she was participating in right then were draining her of all life.
Anika felt a pressure on the crook of her elbow and moved silently as Sam steered her around the small gathering. For a second, their mother’s eyes rested upon the pair. An understanding seemed to flicker between her and Sam’s eyes, and Anika felt her brother pull her along even harder, as though they now had permission to leave. Anika looked at her mother who was now focused on her. Though not really. Her eyes seemed to gaze right through her youngest child and continue on beyond her. It was like she wasn’t even there and her mother was simply staring at the traffic that was passing by outside the iron rusty gates on Scarswood’s busiest street. As they passed by, she tried her hardest to not listen to the group’s conversation; but when she tried that hard, listening was all she could do.
“Clarrisa, what are you going to do now?”
“Yes, dear, what ever are you going to do?”
Their mother sighed. To Anika it seemed that that was all her mother did now. “I would love to move back to the country. The city life is just too much for me, it’s too much to bare with all of this.”
“Yes. It was Ethan who up and moved you here wasn’t it? With that big fancy job of his and all.”
“It was good for you though, dear. It paid handsomely, let you stay home with the children. That means a lot in today’s world.”
“Yes, not many women are able to have what you had.”
“So true.”
“And I’m sure that company’s still going to take care of you and the young ones after all, well, all that’s happened.”
“Yes, they are. They’re good people.”
“They better after what happened.”
“Dear, why don’t you move back to Montsweag? It’s so much nicer there. None of this traffic like we have here. Nice clean air, it’d be good for you.”
“No, I can’t. I can’t leave the children now. Finn’s finishing up his studies this year. But Sam is just starting his third year. And Anika…”
“Did she get in?”
“Yes. Finally. You have no idea how relieved we were when we got the letter.”
“Such a shock, Clarrisa. I mean, it was to all of us. Imagine, a legacy being denied. You should have registered a complaint.”
“Things like that just shouldn’t happen. Didn’t you just donate money for the new science equipment in that school?”
“Yes, Ethan wrote a check right before Samson enrolled.”
“What a shame.”
“Such good people, and that’s how they treat you.”
“The perfect family.”
“It’s so true.”
“Well what matters is that she’s in now. It doesn’t matter if she’s a year behind the children her age. The colleges won’t look at that.”
“Yes, she’ll catch up.”
“When the time comes, please talk to my husband. He can come up with something good for her to say about that lost year to the admissions offices.”
“Yes, that would be good.”
“At least she has her father’s intelligence. It’s too bad they couldn’t have seen that earlier, but it will help her out at the Academy.”
“Yes.” Her mother’s eyes rested on Anika’s face for a brief second, and Anika whipped back around to focus on what was in front of her. “At least she has that.”
They were too far away now to hear any more of the conversation, which relieved Anika. She didn’t think she could handle listening to people talk about her any longer. Sam appeared to feel the same way and quickly steered them out the metal gates and on to the sidewalk.
The reality of the city hit Anika like a breath of fresh air. On the inside of the cemetery gates, it had felt as though time had stood still, and now she was able to see that life had continued on out in the rest of the city just like nothing had happened. She smiled.
Sam noticed. “It’s like a bubble in there, isn’t it?” She nodded. Anika was glad that it was Sam who was by her side right then. If it had been Finn, he would have yelled at her for smiling right after a funeral. If it had been their mother, she would have just ignored her.
Unfortunately now that most of the people who had come to the ceremony had dispersed, they were now spilling out on to the sidewalk alongside Anika and Sam. Their conversations had lost that tone of reverence that had been there only moments before when they knew they were being watched. Many took this newfound freedom to talk about what they had been wanting to say all along.
“Did you hear about how they found the car?”
“Thing was charred beyond recognition.”
“They never found the driver who ran him off the road. Guess he got out without a scrape.”
“At least it was only a company car. Poor Clarrisa won’t have to deal with those insurance hounds.”
“That man was out on business more than with his own family.”
“I guess in a way the Tanzer house will stay the same then. He was never home.”
“Did you hear what Ron Ellis was saying back there? About him being on medication?”
“Yes, unfortunately I did.”
“I didn’t! What was it for?”
“Depression.”
“Depression? I don’t believe it.”
“Poor man never had his own life, what with the business and all. I couldn’t blame him.”
“That’s true.”
The men in their black suits and ties of deep maroons, navys, and forest greens, looked up right as Sam and Anika passed by. Sam attempted a half smile at the group, trying his best to be polite. The men simply stared. Anika concentrated on listening to her heels clicking against the wet concrete instead of their whispered conversations that had started right back up once they had passed. She could feel their eyes boring into the back of her head. She gripped Sam’s arm tighter.
“Do you want to go anywhere, or just go home?” he asked her. Anika hated how his face was fraught with concern. He was the only one in the family who really cared about her. At least now with their dad gone.
“You’re wet, we should get home,” she replied, trying to sound normal.
“No, let’s go to the carousel,” Sam said, his voice almost sounding as nonchalant as he wanted it to be. “That always makes you feel better.”
“Sam, it’s not like I’m a kid with a scrapped up knee…”
“Come on, let’s go.” He took her by the hand and they jogged into the crosswalk, weaving between the glossy cars that were moving slower than them, and headed towards Market Square.
They made their way through the throngs of people, all dressed much more casually than they were. People all around them were carrying on loudly, joking, laughing, talking on their cell phones. There were the tourists, trying to get in the last few days of the fall foliage, and refusing to allow the gloomy weather get them down. The only people who looked remotely like them were the well-dressed business men and women who had the unlucky opportunity to be working on the weekend.
“The weather was supposed to be better today,” Sam said as cheerfully as possible.
“Too bad it wasn’t.” Anika tried to share the same lilting tone as her brother, as if they were actually just commenting on the weather.
“Dad always hated the rain.”
An unknown noise croaked out of the back of Anika’s throat. She really couldn’t come up with anything to say. She had always hated at funerals when people talked about the weather. People always felt as though that was a safe topic to focus on at times like that. There they were trying to have a normal conversation, when all they really were doing was dancing around the real issue that someone had left the world.
The repetitive sound of an organ floated into Anika’s ears and she felt her heart rest from the rapid tattoo that it had taken on for the duration of the day. The mirrors of the topmost part of the carousel peaked out from beyond the gray buildings and the few planted oak trees that circled around the edge of Market Square. Sam had been right, the carousel always did make her feel better.
The poor weather of the day made for a small turnout on the city’s antique carousel. Most of the colorful horses, zebras, camels, and elephants were vacant and simply danced and twirled around the circular track without riders. The few figures that were lucky enough to be mounted were definitely occupied by children who did not come to Scarswood very often. By the look of the mothers and fathers who were standing on the outskirts smiling, waving, and taking pictures, Anika had to assume that they were tourists who had promised their young ones a ride on the carousel by the end of their trip.
“Kids must be having a good vacation,” Sam commented, obviously thinking the same thing as Anika.
Anika nodded. Her eyes followed one girl with long dark brown hair pulled back in pigtails as she leapt off the carousel that had now slowed to a halt. She ran over to where her parents were waiting for her, her dad with open arms that enclosed around her once she reached them. The girl was talking a mile a minute and the parents smiled as they slowly walked away arm in arm. The image made Anika smile. The girl looked a lot like her.
“You want to have a go?” Sam asked, bringing Anika back to reality. “I’ve got a few dollars.”
But Anika shook her head. She watched as the carousel started back up again; the two or three young riders cheering as the old gears started back up. The image of the two of them was reflected dozens of times in the ride’s mirrors, and she followed the distorted images of her and her brother with her eyes as it passed time and time again. She focused in on her face and stared. For some reason, she looked different as well. Not how her mother looked though; her mom over the past few days had suddenly changed to looking tired and older than she truly should appear. But her image, it looked different. Like she was wiser, more seasoned…
Out of the corner of her eye, a figure appeared that made her jump. She whipped around, but the Square was too crowded for her to figure out who it had been that had captured her attention. She gazed back up at the reflective mirrors of the carousel’s roof, hoping to catch another glimpse, for the mirrors captured a lot more of the park from its height. Anika could make out one particular person walking away from the Square; her heart skipped a beat. It looks just like…
“You okay?”
Sam was now looking directly at where Anika was staring, up at the mirrors. His face was wearing a look of utmost concentration, as if trying to figure out exactly what his little sister was thinking.
“Fine. I just thought I saw someone I knew,” Anika replied weakly.
Sam sighed and took ahold of Anika’s arm again. “Come on, let’s get you home. It’s been a long day.”
“Sounds good.” Out of the corner of her eye, Anika was still trying to gaze at the mirrors without looking too suspicious. But the man had moved on, and Anika turned back to her brother, disappointed.
The pair slowly made their way through the crowd in the direction that would eventually lead to home. Past the carousel, past the few dedicated street vendors who were still out in early autumn, past the food carts… The smell of fresh-baked pretzels filled the air, and Anika hummed comfortingly. The smell of food reminded her that she hadn’t eaten anything all day.
Sam saw the look on Anika’s face and quickly pulled them out of the way of oncoming pedestrian traffic and towards a hideously bright red and orange food cart. “Come on, I’ll get you one.”
Anika couldn’t help but laugh. “What are we, tourists?” she protested, but only halfheartedly, for she really was quite hungry. Her stomach growled as the delicious smells got closer.
“We are today,” Sam said simply. A moment later the two of them were walking down the street with a large salted pretzel each. Anika made them clink their snacks together, as if they were champagne glasses, a tradition that had continued between the two of them for as long as they could remember. The simple gesture comforted Anika even more.
“Let’s take a taxi back home, not the bus,” Sam requested. “We need to talk, and I hate having conversations on the bus. We’ll get split up anyway during the rush hour.”
“What do we need to talk about?”
“Monday, of course!” Sam replied with a look of mock horror. “We haven’t even gotten you packed yet for school! We’ve got to be up there in two days, you know.”
“Oh. That.”
“Yes, oh that,” Sam said as he grabbed her hand and flagged down the next yellow car at the intersection where the park turned back into the business district. “I’m not trying to sound like mom or anything, but if your head wasn’t attached…”
“Yes, yes, I know. I wouldn’t be able to find it.” Anika rolled her eyes as Sam opened the taxi door and pushed her in. “How many times have I heard that?”
“Not enough, apparently,” Sam quipped. He ducked in out of the rain and fell into the cozy warmth of the cab. After he gave the driver their street address he turned to look at his sister, a serious look upon his face. “Annie, you really are going to love it there.”
“That’s what everyone is saying.”
“But it’s true! It’ll be good to get you to a new school. Dulaney is much better than the public schools around here. It’ll be good for you to get a quality education for four years before you go on to college.”
“That is if I…”
“Yes. You’re going to college. End of story.” Sam looked out the foggy window at the streets that were whizzing by. “Our parents wouldn’t have it any other way.”
A silence fell over the back seat of the taxi, with the only sound being from the Pakistani radio station that was streaming in from the dashboard.
“Wow, that was weird,” Sam mumbled.
“You’re telling me.”
“Can… can we say things like that anymore?” Sam’s voice was hesitant and much quieter than normal, as though he was terrified that someone else might be listening in on the conversation.
“I don’t see why not. It’s not like he hasn’t left our lives completely,” Anika said. The conversation was growing awkward to her now, and she began to gaze out her own window, somewhat scared to make eye contact. “He’ll still be there for us.”
“I guess you’re right,” Anika heard her brother say. They were pulling onto their street and the taxi was slowing down. The house was still dark; no one was home.
“We forgot to put the porch light on,” Sam commented.
“We had other things on our mind.” Anika got out and waited on the curb while Sam paid the driver. A moment later they were left on the quiet street all by themselves.
Anika looked up at the evening sky. “Dulaney’s in the country, right?”
“You know it is, Annie. You’ve visited it numerous times.”
“Yeah, but not at night. That shows the real difference between the city and the country.”
“What do you mean?”
She smiled. The first genuine smile of the day. “In the real country, you can see the stars at night.”
Sam sighed as his eyes flickered up to the purple-blue sky, the first stars of the night were beginning to peak out. “You’re right there. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
The city noise and lights were almost fully invisible in their quiet suburb. Only a hint of orange light in the western sky would give away the fact that a bustling metropolis was only minutes away. It was Anika’s favorite thing about where she lived.
“I don’t think I could ever move somewhere where I couldn’t see the stars at night.”
Sam placed an arm over Anika’s shoulder, letting her lean against him. “You won’t have that problem at Dulaney. Stars as far as the eye can see.”
“Sounds like my sort of place.”
“It is, Annie. I promise.”