The Iron Sorcerer
an excerpt

But anyway, these morons all get taken out by one goddamned lunatic with a log. A log... No thats not military speak for anything, it was a goddamned log. No. No, It wasn't even metal for christ sakes, it was a fucking wooden log. It was like that guy came to the battle with no sword or anything and was like 'fuck I thought we were going to be provided weapons' and everyone like shrugged at him or something. So he went to the woods and picked up some random log, just you know some random fallen tree, and actually though 'hey, I bet I could kill someone with this thing' and took it back to the battle field. Everyone in that army must have given him such shit about that too. 'You see McGarngle? He's got a fucking log! No I didn't believe it either! Hey McMaudie, check out McGarngle's log! No not that type of log you sick bastard.'. But here that fucker is, swinging this goddamned log, and he takes out three goddamned cavalry. Not only that, it was a good ten minutes into the fight at that point so this guy must have taken out at least a couple of infantry guys, maybe more, before we even got there.

So of course I see this son of a bitch swing a bloody timber at us so I naturally thought 'I'm going for this retard'. I charge at him and draw my sword... No. Nobody used lances. Thats some kind of fairytale myth bull shit. We all used swords or pole arms that weren't lances. I mean, I guess you could call a spear a lance but it really was a spear. But back to me charging at this guy with a log. I drew my sword and swung at him and the bastard blocked it with his log... Well no, I'd imagine sword strikes are pretty easy to block when you are two handing a fucking tree. He starts swinging at me with this log and fortunately I am well trained enough to, you know, not get hit with it but all I have is a sword. Although he can't hit me with his log, I can't hit him with my sword either. Naturally you can imagine that the reach on a log far outstrips the reach on a sword so I can't get within striking distance and have to dance around on my horse to prevent getting hit. After about what feels like five minutes of this I think 'fuck this' and just grab the blade of the sword and hurl it at him. Wouldn't you know it, it hits that son of a bitch right in his fucking head. Not blade first mind you, but being struck in the head with a hilt is still pretty devastating.